I Don't Know What I'd Do Without You.

When people say, “I don’t know what I’d do without you” (I am one of those people) it really changes things when you actually have to live without that person. A year ago tomorrow, I lost my Avo Velma. She was my sunshine, she brightened up a room just by being in it, her smile was infectious, she had such a warmth about her and the Portuguese and English barrier didn't exist because we spoke the same language, the language of love. She had a hug and a touch about her that just made you feel the love she gave. She was who I want to be when I grow up, still happy, laughing and loving God and her family even when things are getting rough with health or just life in general. It’s been one year and I am barely coming to terms with the fact that she’s not physically here with me anymore. I just wish that I could walk into TNRC to her smiling face and just be with her. I don’t feel whole without her. A piece of me left when she left the world. I know she is no longer suffering and I know that she would want me to be the happy Kody she knew and loved and I know that she is still with me even though I can’t see her. Even though I know all these things and I have all the faith and belief that I can have that she is up in Heaven with my loved ones who have gone before her and she gets to spend her time with them and Jesus and that it must be so glorious, it still doesn't heal me. I don’t think it ever will. I don’t think I can ever feel whole and complete without her. I do think that I can be a better version of who I have been being. I feel like I just got by this last year, I wasn't overly depressed or anything, I just wasn't fully happy. I wasn't feeling like I used to feel, I was feeling how I thought I needed to feel and felt like my social interactions with people weren't as special as they should have been being and I wasn't inspired. She’s the first person who has ever rocked my core and turned my world upside down when she left this world. She was my special Velma, and was special to everyone that knew her. I love her so much and miss her terribly. It is hard to come to terms with the fact that I can’t be with her anymore and just grab her hand and sit and watch TV. Simple things, the little things, I can’t even do with her. I've spent the year searching for what has been missing all year, without realizing it until recently that the thing that I had been searching for was her. Even though I knew that I missed her I didn't realize how much it was affecting me. Death is a part of life, everyone deals with death differently and we can never replace the people who we once had with us on Earth with someone else, but we can learn to live with it. We can learn to let ourselves be happy, truly happy again, because that is what we all would want for our loved ones when we go. I’m going to learn how to adjust to a life without Velma, a life that would make her proud and smile. It has taken me a year to come to terms with the fact that she isn’t coming back; I will miss her every day for the rest of my life. I don’t know what to do without her, but I’m going to try to figure it out. She’s one of the best blessings of my life and I’m thankful for all the time I did get with her and I know that I will see her again someday, until then…I will know that I’m never alone.

Song That Needed to be Sung

I know so many women who end up getting treated like "consolation prizes" to guys who don't deserve them...why? I wish I knew a real answer.

Maybe it is because we can't truly see how valuable and worthy we really are.

Maybe it is because we think that we don't deserve to be treated any better than second best.

Maybe it is because time and time again we are told that when we get a man, then life will be better.

So what do we do?

We settle for less than what we deserve.

We act like "just hanging out" is what we actually want out of a relationship.

We go at the snap of their fingers to see them.

We are their back up plan.

We are their last call.

We act like there is literally nobody else on Earth that can love us, so we should do whatever the guy who gives us a half an ounce of attention says.


Thankfully, Lady Antebellum has released on their new album, "Just A Girl" that empowers women to rise above what we've been and demand some self respect and pride in ourselves.


Lyrics that are true perfection that every girl needs to read...

"Boy, you must have come up short tonight
'Cause I'm always your consolation prize
Usually I fix my hair,
Put on my coat, and show up at your door
But no more!"

 

If we haven't been in this situation before, we surely know of a friend, sister, cousin, co-worker, etc. who has...the situation when the man summons, and the woman shows up as soon as possible...and it takes a long time, if ever, for the woman to figure it out. For the woman to realize that she shouldn't be getting dressed up for a guy who doesn't give a shit about her.

 

 

"Now I know I'm just another one of your Friday nights
But I'm no past time, this is gonna be the last
I'm just a call when there's nowhere else to fall
Just a number on your wall,
In a pretty dress and curves
To you I'm just a girl,
To you I'm just a girl"

 

We want to be more than the girl that you call when you are drunk, lonely, can't find anyone better. We want to be more than, like the song states, a "past time" because we want to be with someone who wants us full time.

We want to be more than just a girl to you.

We want to be seen as valuable, because we are, not just some girl.

 

 

I was always taught to sit up straight
Find a man before it gets too late
Give him time to make his mind
But I can't be the one you stream along
Like some old sad song

 

We would like to think that then men we allow to do this behavior are actually good, and that we can save them and that they are just going through a phase. We think that maybe if we send the right selfie on Snapchat, "like" his posts on social media, show interest in things he likes, wear the perfect outfit, bend over backwards for whatever they so wish, then maybe, just maybe they will view us as a girlfriend and they will finally see that we are a package and not just someone to go to when there is nobody left.

 

Now I know I'm just another one of your Friday nights
But I'm no past time, this is gonna be the last
I'm just a call when there's nowhere else to fall
Just a number on your wall,
In a pretty dress and curves
To you I'm just a girl,
To you I'm just a girl,
To you I'm just a girl

 

We sit here and blame the guys for treating us like shit, for making us want them, for making us feel like they are the only one...but what this song does, it empowers women. It says, realize that you are just another one of the guy's Friday nights and don't allow yourself to be that woman who they can call. Realize your worth.

 

Talking through the static, just a girl
To you I'm just dramatic, just a girl
Just a silly little thing
That's all you've ever seen
When there's so much more to me
Yeah, yeah

 

THERE IS SO MUCH MORE TO YOU! You aren't crazy for wanting a relationship, for wanting something more serious, for wanting to build your life with someone. Don't be waiting around on the guy who doesn't realize your worth and who is having other girls on the side. You aren't being dramatic by wanting something more than another Friday night.

 

Now I know I'm just another one of your Friday nights
But I'm no past time, this is gonna be the last

Now I know I'm just another one of your Friday nights
But I'm no past time, this is gonna be the last
I'm just a call when there's nowhere else to fall
Just a number on your wall,
In a pretty dress and curves
To you I'm just a girl,
To you I'm just a girl

 

You don't care what I think
To you I'm just a girl
You only call when you drink
To you I'm just a girl

We all get lonely, its human nature, we are wired to be next to other people to feel like we belong somewhere, and I totally get that. But we need to have more respect for ourselves. We need to stand up and say that it is not okay to be the girl that willingly gets strung along by a guy who doesn't care enough to take a chance on a real relationship with you. Be the woman that says that it stops here. If we don't start standing up for ourselves, protecting ourselves, women will keep being played over and over again. You are more than just a girl, you have more to offer the world and a deserving man than being his late night booty call.

So thank you, Lady Antebellum for singing a song that needed to be sung to remind women all over that we are worth more than what we settle for and allow and that we are more than "just a girl" and deserve to be treated like that.

UNinspired

I'll admit it, I've been uninspired for the past 8 months. I think a lot of it has to do with my Avo Velma passing away. I miss her so much and although she never read my blogs, or knew all my thoughts, she was always such a positive influence in my life and her power of love was stronger than any language.

She was kind. She thought of others always. She was always willing to go the extra mile to help. She was someone who made you feel happy just by being around her. She didn't have any material things, and didn't need them. 

I've wanted to emulate a life like my Avo lived but I was struggling.

I wasn't radiating happiness like I used to. I allowed my light to dim and to not shine it so brightly.

My Avo always called me her sunshine and I haven't been as sun-shiney.

It's not like my life isn't good, my life is incredibly full of blessings, but for awhile I just wasn't being the Kody I knew and loved and most importantly she knew and loved. 

Sometimes we need to make decisions to put our lives back on track, to allow ourselves to be welcomed home again, home to ourselves. 

Turning into someone you are not is not a good thing to do, its very dangerous.

 

You lose sight of yourself and in my case I turned into a person I didn't like who I was becoming.

I was easily angered, annoyed and less cheery. I was hurtful and not in a good place.

God led me back into the light. He showed me that my feelings of uncertainty in where I was, were validated. He showed me that I didn't need to settle for anything less than the plan He created.

When we try to take life in our own hands and force happiness upon ourselves, in God's time He always reveals the truth. 

Trust and turn to God. It never EVER fails. He knows all and takes us back even when we stray off course. I know I may seem like a broken record of sorts because how many times have I written blogs about trusting in God's plan...but we are human and I need my come to Jesus moments every now and then to bring me back and remind me I'm not in control.

Keep trusting in God and be patient for what He has in store. 

I'm sure what He has in store for my life is so worth waiting for and even on days of even the sliver of doubt, I want to turn to Him and be certain that my life is in the best hands possible.

 

I'm inspired again, INSPIRED by GOD.

We're really not that far apart...

Two weeks ago if you asked me what I would be doing on January 28th, I would have told you I would be doing my Avo's nails with my sisters and cousin, probably bringing her cake or a milkshake, we all would be wearing party hats and she'd be laughing and smiling and it would be a great night.

Last week, I lost one of the most important people in my life, my Avo Velma. So today, I won't be able to give her a hug, I won't be able to say "Happy Birthday, I love you" and hear her say "Thank you I love you too" I won't be able to see that priceless smile or hear that giggle she gets. I will just have my memories to hold on to.

She has been the hardest goodbye I have ever had to say. I've lost many loved ones before, all of whom are so very close to my heart, but there was that something special that I shared with my Avo Velma. She even told me once that I was the most like her out of my sisters and cousin. To me hearing I am like my Avo is one big compliment. My Avo was sunshine, she was a smile on a bad day, a safe place to go, a trusting heart in the Lord, a spiritual person and truly one of the kindest souls I've ever known. I never heard my Avo say that she hated anyone, she just simply, loved.

She loved people past second, third, and twentieth chances, she was a forgiving soul and a kind soul. She was truly a woman of God. She lived her life joyfully serving the Lord and I know that He was proud of the work she did because I'm proud to say I'm her grandchild.

I do not regret one second, one visit, one car ride I've ever had with my Avo Velma, every time was so special and was cherished. I can look back and be happy with the memories that I do have with her because I know that I put in the time and effort that I wanted to, to make my Avo know how much she means to me and how much I love her and she did the same.

If I am blessed enough to live almost 83 years, I would love to be like her and shining God's light til the very end, even with medical conditions being a damper...but if I do live to be 83 years old I can't imagine not having my Avo in my life for 60 years.

To think of it like that hurts, a lot. But I find comfort in knowing that when God does call me up, I will get to spend eternity with my loving Avo Velma, and the rest of my amazing Grandparents, family members and friends who have waited for me to join them. I know I will see her again, but it doesn't necessarily help the pain now.

I was asked at her funeral, "why are you crying she is in a much better place than we are" and I said, "I'm not crying for her, I'm crying for me" she impacted my life in so many ways and to have her physically not here with me, it is rough.

But I know that she will not let me feel alone, I know that when the sun is beaming on my skin, that's her warmth surrounding me, when the song "compass" plays on the radio its her reminding me I'm not alone, I know that when I hit a red light, that's her reminding me of the times God gave me a few extra minutes with her on our trips back and forth to TNRC, I know that she will be with me on my wedding day, and the births of my children, and all the highs and lows throughout my life, although I won't be able to see her, I will be able to feel her.

I miss you Avo Velma, and like the song compass says "We're really not that far apart"

Avo Velma Inspired.

My blog is titled, "Laugh Always, Be Kind, Drink Milkshakes, Thank God" and today  I was thinking about my Avo Velma (grandma) because she is not doing well and has been on my mind even more so lately and it dawned on me that my blog title describes how my Avo has influenced my life, without even realizing it when I named my blog, the values I held so high, inspired by my Avo Velma.


Laugh always. I think anyone who has ever come in contact with my Avo Velma knows that she is a laugher. Her laughter is infectious. She is our family's ray of sunshine. She can instantly light up a room with her smile and laugh. With the Portuguese & English barrier in the way, she'd laugh through it, she'd laugh when she would try to tell us something in broken English, laugh when we tried to speak Portuguese to her, laugh when she'd try to speak Portuguese to us and we'd have no idea what she said, and she'd laugh when we'd speak English to her and she'd have no idea what we were talking about. She laughs. Even while she has been slowing leaving this world, she's managed to laugh. Yesterday I heard her laughter, and I'm almost certain that will be the last time I will, and I'm so thankful I heard it one last time. She's an incredible woman with an incredible spirit who has always brought laughter to my life and I carry that value with me.

Be Kind. She has always been kind to every person she is around. I have never met a person who did not like my Avo Velma. She is such a kind spirit, always smiling and waving. Smiles and waves are known in every language. Her happiness shows through in all she does. She also has been kind to others, she's always saying "thank you" or "please" and she'd gift away everything she has. She is so skilled with the gift of being able to crochet/knit and she'd make beautiful blankets and scarves for people just because. She is always so thoughtful and kind.

Drink Milkshakes. One of my Avo Velma's favorite things to drink is a milkshake. Even with her diabetes she'd always make an exception for milkshakes. Some of the moments I cherish the most with her are spent sipping on milkshakes. It is such a sweet treat and just makes you feel good. I got to give her one last milkshake yesterday and although she didn't drink nearly half as much as she normally does, I was happy to see her enjoy one final milkshake. We get so caught up in counting calories and watching what we eat or sticking to certain diets that we don't allow ourselves the simple joy of a milkshake, make the exception for the milkshake every once and awhile, Velma did, and she was always happy.

Thank God. I'm blessed to have grown up around a woman who has such strong faith. She was always praying the rosary, listening to mass on the radio, getting communion brought to her, and was always supportive of us in our walks with God as well. She'd tell us she was praying for us, and God listened to her prayers. My Avo was really worried about my cousin, Lisa because she was living in a place that had rats in it at one point, and was really out of her price range, making it hard to get by. She was always asking if Lisa had found another place to live. Thankfully, my parents offered Lisa a room to stay with us in our house and when my Avo got the news she was very happy. She put her hand over her heart and even said that it made her very happy that Lisa has a place to live. She also was concerned about me finding a job. She was so proud of me graduating college, she wanted me to be able to put my hardwork to use and would ask me after interviews how they went, and would ask me about Foster Farms especially, and on Wednesday I told my Avo that I got a job at Foster Farms and her face was priceless, she was so excited. As I was leaving that night, she grabbed my arm and put her hand over her heart and said, it made her very happy that I have work. I know that she was thanking God that her prayers for her granddaughters came true. She is finally in a place where she doesn't have any worries left, she's thanked God for all the many people surrounding her and the time He's given her on Earth. She's been faithful to Him all the days of her life and is truly an inspiration to me.

She's shaped me in such a way that these four things are things I value so much. I hope that I can inspire others in the way that she has inspired me over the years with what she has instilled in me. I am a better person for knowing such a caring, cheerful and compassionate woman. As she is living out her final time left on earth, I just want her to feel the love that I have in my heart for her, for all she has done for me, you don't have to speak the same language to know the power of love.

God bless this beautiful woman and the world is a better place for having her in it.

Unconditionally

I've probably heard the song "Unconditionaly" by Katy Perry at least twenty times since its been on the radio, but it wasn't until last night when I was about to fall asleep that I actually heard it.

What I think they meant for the song to be was for a person telling another person that it doesn't matter where they've been or what they do, they will love them no matter what, but when it actually HEARD the song, I heard it as God speaking to me.

Here are the lyrics, now when you read through the lyrics imagine that God is singing this song to you,

Oh no, did I get too close oh?
Oh, did I almost see what's really on the inside?
All your insecurities
All the dirty laundry
Never made me blink one time

 

Unconditional, unconditionally
I will love you unconditionally

 There is no fear now
Let go and just be free
I will love you unconditionally

 

Come just as you are to me
Don't need apologies
Know that you are worthy
I'll take your bad days with your good
Walk through this storm I would

 I'd do it all because I love you, I love you

Unconditional, unconditionally
I will love you unconditionally

 There is no fear now
Let go and just be free
I will love you unconditionally

 

So open up your heart and just let it begin
Open up your heart, and just let it begin
Open up your heart, and just let it begin
Open up your heart

 Acceptance is the key to be
To be truly free
Will you do the same for me?

 

Unconditional, unconditionally
I will love you unconditionally
And there is no fear now
Let go and just be free
'Cause I will love you unconditionally

 

I will love you
I will love you
I will love you unconditionally

 

Wow, right? It gives the song such a deeper meaning. I think sometimes when we feel like we've strayed so far away that God won't let us back in, I feel like we sometimes talk ourselves out of a relationship with God because we have "too much baggage" or we've been "bad people" and so many other reasons that we think God won't love us. He loves us more than we can even fathom. He loves us through, like the song says, the good days and the bad. I love this whole song, but there are two parts of the song that really hit me in the heart, "there is no fear now, let go and just be free" and "acceptance is the key to be truly free will you do the same for me?"

 

The first lyric I mentioned, I love that it says there is no fear now, I think we bottle ourselves up with worry and fear for the future that we don't enjoy our days here or we allow ourselves to get scared of what might happen to us after we die. We don't need to worry. We don't need to be afraid. God is always with us.

 

The second lyric I mentioned is the key, He gives us this awesome unconditional love and we can take for granted. We don't give Him our unconditional love all the time. When question Him when things go wrong and can't allow ourselves to just trust in His plan.

 

Let us learn to unconditionally love God, through the good days and the bad, just like He does for us.

23...HAPPY AS CAN BE!

I don't know if I've ever actually written on  a blog how much I love that my birthday is close to the New Year...when the rest of the world is trying to figure out where they went wrong, where they want to go right, reflections, etc I am doing the same but based upon my age. I already posted a blog about my 2013 and how I feel absolutely blessed!

My 23rd year was truly incredible and I can honestly say I'm thankful for every moment.

This year I feel like I've truly found myself. I have learned more by doing more, and by simply just allowing my self to LIVE.

Here are a few things that I've learned over the year and hope that I can continue to carry them with me through my 24th year.

Happiness is not something to strive for. If you go searching for happiness you will never find it, or you will try to force it. I wish neither of those things for you. I wish for you that you find happiness where you are in this EXACT moment. Every person in this world deals with their own struggles, struggles with personal matters, family matters, friends matters, health, work, school, you name it someone is struggling with it and most people are struggling and juggling multiple things at once. The struggles in life are natural, they are what keep us human, but just because you haven't landed the perfect job, found the perfect person, are at the perfect body size, or found your perfect state you want to be in to finally be happy doesn't mean you can't just be happy. It seems so naïve to say that it is just that easy, that you can just be happy.

Happiness comes from thankfulness. I found that when I truly started counting what I do HAVE my body was OVERWHELMED with happiness. Nothing in life goes as planned...I've discussed this over and over again in this blog especially. Trusting in God has truly helped me become happy too. It is truly the simple things in life that I find so much joy in now.

The other day I was out with some friends and it was cold, and I just stopped while we were on our way inside and said "look at how beautiful the stars are tonight" in the rush of the cold and wanting to be warm, I found a small touch of happiness even on our short walk inside.

 You can even find happiness in even the saddest situations. I lost my great grandma in my 23rd year, knowing she is gone even seems unreal, but I had 23 years with my GREAT GRANDMA. Most people don't even get one. She was blind, my great grandpa had passed away a few years before and they spent the majority of their lives together, I knew that when she passed away, she can now see, she can be reunited with her husband, her family and finally get to see God. I'm happy I made the drives to come home to make it to holidays, and just to visit to have those extra moments with her. I find happiness in the time I spent with her because I truly cherished her while she was here, and will continue to cherish the memories I will hold dear. Will holidays be different? Of course. Will I still find times when I get sad because I miss her so much? Of course. She lived a long and meaningful life, filled with her family, she had great great grandchildren, not something that is given to many people.

Happiness can come from the madness too.

Happiness isn't a destination.

If you become thankful, you become happy because its hard to feel any other emotion.


I've realized a few things about myself and my personality this year that I've never noticed before.

1. I see the good in everybody, this can be seen as a blessing and a curse. Because I try to always find the silver lining and the bright spot in the darkest people, I tend to misread them and don't notice the bad because I overlook it with good. I think that this is a great quality to have to accept people, even the people who seem to have big faults, but to allow myself to let these people all the way into my life, can also be destructive. I can see the good in people and treat people with kindness, but if I let them too close, I can have that kindness used against me.

2. I am fiercely loyal. I always knew that I was a naturally supportive person, but when I thought about the people I love, even the shows I love and music I love, I am extremely loyal. If I become loyal to you, you will not have to worry about me straying away or going behind your back.

3. I am terrible at text messaging. I think I may be one of the worst people to text with, I will text someone for multiple texts in a row, then I'll get sidetracked, or I will not have my phone anywhere near me and then I will see a text and forget to text back. If you are one of the people who text me, its not because I'm ignoring you, I'm just really terrible at texting, much better at phone conversations, but then I will be on the phone with you for at least 30 mins.

4. I am not a fan of Fireball Whiskey. I don't understand the hype, I am not a fan.

5. I catch on to things later than most, but tend to become more passionate about them than the people who have liked it since the start. Examples: Pretty Little Liars, Scandal, Gossip Girl, One Direction, and many more different entertainment trends that people have loved for years that I just started liking this year.

6. I am capable of changing to a healthy lifestyle. When I was living in Tahoe, I was living a clean eating healthy lifestyle and I was dedicated, I was disciplined and I actually liked it. Moving home, I have got out of my routine and hope that 24 brings me back, because I enjoyed the way I felt from living that life.

7. I am a worthy candidate. In all different types of life, I'm a worthy candidate for a job, for a girlfriend, for a friend. I am worthy to be chosen. I am worthy to be accepted. I am worthy to be seen to my full potential. I am worthy to be appreciated. I am worthy to be loved. I am WORTHY. Once I started valuing my worth, even with the rejections that I've faced, I became stronger and confident. I stopped settling.

8. Taking chances truly bring great rewards. I took a chance on Reno, this year I graduated from Reno, I stepped out of my comfort zone of Hilmar and grew so much as an individual. I took a chance on applying for an internship in Tahoe for the summer and I actually got it and it changed my life. I didn't take a permanent job in Tahoe because I wanted to be back home and I've gotten to make some great  memories with the people I love and I wouldn't change a thing.


This year I've grown, learned, matured, and so much more. I am beyond blessed with all God has given me.

On the eve of my 24th year my wish for my 24th year will be to continue to take the things I've learned in my 23rd and stick to them. I wish to be happy. Above all I wish for me to take the little things in life and be thankful for each moment. God has a plan and I want to keep on trusting in it, He hasn't steered me wrong yet!

Melodies making Memories, Soundtrack to 23!

Soundtrack to 23

Last year I made a soundtrack to 22 which seemed so appropriate since music is a big part of my life, I listen to it so often. I've complied a list of 23 songs during my 23 year that meant something to me.

In no particular order...

 

1.Age of Worry-John Mayer

 

"Alive in the age of worry Smile in the age of worry Go wild in the age of worry And say worry, why should I care?"

This song came to me in a very pivotal moment early on in my 23rd year and it truly helped me accept my young adult life. I picked a little clip of the song, but truly, this whole song is so fitting to the time of my life. There are so many opportunities that I could go to negativity and worry, but this song is a simple reminder that there is no need to worry, and growing up is all about living your life and if you make mistakes it is okay! I also wrote a whole blog about it :)

 

2.Catch my Breath-Kelly Clarkson

"Making time for the ones that count, I'll spent the rest of my time, laughing hard with the windows down, leaving footprints all over town"

Lauren & I decided that this would be our anthem for 23& it most definitely was. I also wrote a blog about this song on her birthday and in the blog I wrote about what I thought our 23rd year would be like, and I was right. We are stronger. We are family & close friends oriented. We make sure to relish in the little joys in life. We also did what we wanted to do, & we didn't allow anyone else define us. I am proud of us.

3.Beat this Summer-Brad Paisley

"The sand on the beach is like an hour glass and I can just feel it slippin away and babe I can already say as long as I live, whatever I do, as great as it is you know what's a bummer I ain't ever gonna beat this summer"





This summer I had the incredible opportunity to work at Harrah's and Harveys Lake Tahoe in the HR Department as an intern and this summer changed my life. For the first time I lived alone. I grew passionate about the HR profession. I was surrounded by a great group of individuals who made up one of the best teams I have ever been on. I had my Tahoe family and they were truly amazing. My summer went by all too fast and I will cherish every moment I had. I also had some great visitors along the way who made my time in Tahoe have a little taste of home. This was one great summer. Thank you Lake Tahoe!

4.Crash my Party- Luke Bryan

"I can be on the front row of the best show"

This summer I got to see LUKE BRYAN front row! I was there with my sisters, cousin, mom, and some of my best friends! As soon as I heard this single released I bought it. I obsessed over it. This was the song that held me over until his Crash My Party album was released. I have listened to this song so many times, especially on my trips back and forth from home. One of the coolest parts about this song is that I got to watch him perform it live acoustically in a VIP concert before the show. I think if people could really turn into puddles from melting I would have. My hope is that 24 brings me to another Luke Bryan concert with incredible seats so I can truly enjoy every moment and not forget a single second! If I could, I would pay front row for him, every year. He's truly an amazing performer and is undoubtedly the entertainer of the year!

 

5.Daylight-Maroon 5

"We knew this day would come, We knew it all along, How did it come so fast?

For my 23rd year I knew it would be my last year at UNR. It was so crazy how fast the last spring semester flew by. This song came out around graduation time and each time I heard it I said it was my song to Reno and College. Reno gave me so much and it is filled with so many wonderful memories. I was blessed to have an internship quickly following the end of the spring semester but that led me to Tahoe 3 days after graduation. My months in Reno were filled with spontaneity, school spirit and fun!  The line that also gets me is the line that says, This is my last glance that will soon be a memory. I love living back in Hilmar but sometimes I do get sad to think I won't get in my car and drive back to Reno for school any more. Thank you Reno for the ride, I enjoyed every day and night.

6.Roar-Katy Perry

"Now I'm floating like a butterfly Stinging like a bee I earned my stripes I went from zero, to my own hero"

Never in my life have I been so happy in my own skin. I've never felt so confident and so complete. I don't need to be defined by boys or anyone for that matter. This song was like an anthem. It was like a comeback song. I felt like at 22 I was making my way back to me, but I finally feel like I am exactly where I am supposed to be. There was a time when I started at UNR and I was pretty lost. There were times I felt all alone, I felt like there was something or someone missing. I learned how to be alone without being lonely. I learned to let me be enough. I learned to let go.

 

7.Story of my life-One Direction

"The story of my life"

The lyrics to this song so much don't read into exactly a theme song of my year, but they were the lyrics to the song that made me open my eyes to a band. I know it seems silly but I was watching GMA concert series before work one morning and I heard them sing this song and I thought 'Oh my gosh I think I just became a One Direction fan' and I was okay with it. I listened to this song on youtube or put in on the pandora station just so I could hear it and it seemed so ridiculous to go through all that trouble for just one song, so I decided to buy the album on iTunes. I fell in love even more. Their Midnight Memories album is absolutely wonderful, and I am without a doubt a Directioner now...all I need to know is their names haha

8. Heart of Dixie-Danielle Bradbery

"But she didn’t know ’til she hit the road, deep in her soul, She’s got the fire and the fight of the gypsy, Ain’t nothing stronger than the heart of Dixie"

This year I became a fan of the show Hart of Dixie on the CW. So much so I watched all of the episodes on Netflix in a couple of days. I got caught up enough to be able to watch the season while the episodes were airing. Hart of Dixie isn't a show that I really have to think when I watch it, its just happy, sometimes I get emotionally attached to couples on the show more than I should admit, but all in all it just makes me happy when I watch it. The cast is all so simple and charming with their southern accents and Rachel Bilson. Danielle Bradbery was on the last episode that aired singing Hart of Dixie so this makes the list on my soundtrack!

9.Frankie Ballard, ‘Helluva Life’

"Well we all have faith, and we all have hope, But we're all a little lost in the same damn boat. It's a helluva life, it's a helluva life"

When this song came out I fell in love with it almost instantly. It is just a song that describes how life can sometimes get messy but we can still love life and enjoy it. Sometimes we think that we are the only ones who struggle but this song shows us that we aren't alone and not to take it too seriously and to be in the moment with people when we are with them, and that's how I've lived my 23rd year.

10.Eli Young Band, ‘Drunk Last Night’

"Might've been a song on the radio Might've been nothing, baby I don't know Might've been a little too tired to fight Might've been I got a little drunk last night"

This is song is so perfect to any person who have ever even had a crush on someone at some point. I'm surprised I never went ahead and called anyone up after our Bachelor drinking games nights, Bachelor+Alcohol pushes girls on the show over the edge in wanting to be loved and it can do the same to girls who watch. I can proudly say I never made this mistake while drunk, trying to contact a crush or an old flame while 23, but I would crank it up every time it came on the radio, and I still do. This song also brings up a funny memory when I told my cousin that when I hear this song and I'm around drunk people I feel like making poor decisions :)

 

11The Band Perry-I'm a Keeper

 

"Your daddy is a pistol, and you are a son of a gun, I could be the daughter that he never wanted"

My internship in Tahoe allowed me to work the Rascal Flatts and The Band Perry Outdoor Concert during Celebrity Golf week. The Band Perry was the opening act and they sang this song and I was cracking up...especially this line, it is so clever. I do enjoy the music of the Band Perry and after that concert especially I became a bigger fan than I already was. If you get a chance, listen to this song its funny!

12.Hayden Panettiere-Hypnotizing

 

"I try to fight it, but I'm powerless, I'm no match for what I'm up against"

Nashville is my TV addiction, okay one of my many, but it makes top 5 for sure, but I am a fan. Hayden Panettiere's character Juliette is something else, but I love her songs the most. This song is so fun and catchy and it can be so true when two people are meant to be, I've seen it in a few of my friends this year, when they've found their person they are hypnotized by love. I love it!

13.Gary Allan, ‘Pieces’

"But I’m not hiding where I’ve been Gonna let the light shine in What I don’t need Gonna let that, let that, let that go"

Every lyric to this song is so fitting to where I am and where I've been this year. I even wrote a blog about this song. This has to be one of my favorite lyrical songs of the year. Every single line hit me straight in the heart. I'm so thankful for every person who has ever came into my life, the people who have stayed, the people who have left and the people who have yet to make their entrance, I am so thankful for you all!

14.See you again-Carrie Underwood

"I will see you again, This is not where it ends I will carry you with me, Til I see you again"

 It is hard for me to come to terms with the fact that my Great Grandma Mary has passed away. She's been in my life for 23 years and has played a big part in it. I really am thankful for the opportunity of the time when my Grandma lived with us. I feel selfish if I say that I am sad that she has left because I had so many years with my GREAT Grandma and some people don't get the privilege to even have one. I know that I will see her again I know she is back with the love of her life, my Gramps.

 

15. Play it again- Luke Bryan

"She was like oh my God this is my song I've been listening to the radio all night long, sitting round waiting for it to come on, and here it is."

The day the Luke Bryan Crash My Party CD came out I was the first person at Target, and first person to purchase the CD. I drove down to Carson City from Lake Tahoe just so I could listen to it before work and have it in my possession. I was immediately drawn to this song when I heard it, it is one of my favorite tracks on the album because it was one of those songs I could just picture myself in. I, like most girls, tend to say when I'm out and a good song comes on, Oh my God this is my song! I did even used to listen to the radio, before all the technology we have, just so I could hear my favorites. I love Luke Bryan.

 

 

16.Running out of moonlight-Randy Houser

 "Come on baby, let me take you on a night ride Windows down, sittin' on my side Tick tock, now we're knocking on midnight Me and you girl, runnin' outta moonlight"

My friends and I play this game when we are in the car called "the radio game" and we ask the radio a question and whatever the answer is, we do. I was texting someone while I was in Tahoe, and I wasn't sure if I should say yes to a date. I got in the car, asked the radio what it thought I should do and told myself that whatever it said I would follow along, because what did I have to lose? And I went on the date because this song came on. Now I'd like to tell you he was something short of prince charming, but he wasn't, there wasn't a second date, but that was okay, because it was nice to be taken out for a date, and it was an experience to put myself out there. 

 

 

17. Mine would be you-Blake Shelton

"What's your all time high, your good as it gets?"

Like I said before, I like the radio. The radio and CDs are what got me through long drives back and forth from Reno, Tahoe and Hilmar, as well as my sidekick Lulu there for awhile :) I heard this song probably 5 times and then I thought, hey I wonder what my answers are. So while the song plays on the radio, I tend to answer Blake Shelton's questions, most of the time getting sidetracked by my answers that I don't even finish but its a little something that I love to do in the car, maybe you can try!

 

18. Luke Bryan-That's my kind of night

"Put in my country, rock, hip hop mix tape, little Conway a little T-Pain, might just make it rain."

Zac Brown Band can suck it. I absolutely LOVE this song. It is such a fun, going out song. I remember the first time I heard this song and I was in awe, I mean he was performing it live, but it was just a fun song. Not all songs need to be earth-shattering, with profound lyrics, although I am a fan of those, I think that this song is also a necessity. I like country music, I like the things Luke Bryan sings about in this song. I don't care if he talks about pick-up trucks, tailgates, boots, beer, etc. those are the things I like, I am a fan of Luke Bryan and I stand by him and the songs he releases...I'm fiercely loyal, what can I say? :)

 

 

19.Country Girl-Luke Bryan

"Country Girl shake it for me girl, shake it for me girl, shake it for me"

I had to pick this song because my nieces LOVE IT, my niece Ellie especially. When this song comes on she instantly starts shaking her hips to the sound of Luke Bryan's voice.  Our dance party moments mean more to me than she can ever imagine and I'm so thankful that I am back at home and get to share more of them with her

 

20.Night Train-Jason Aldean

"Got a moon and a billion stars, the sound of steel and old boxcars, the thought of you is driving me insane, lets go listen to the night train"

Hearing my nephew Jaxon sing this song is absolutely priceless. This kid is obsessed with trains and this song talks all about them! The way that he sings the chorus and what the words he thinks they are crack me up. He's growing up so fast and every time I listen to him sing the song he knows more and more of it!

 

21.Big Green Tractor-Jason Aldean

 

"We can go slow or maybe go faster, down through the woods and out to the pasture long as I'm with you it really don't matter."

My other nephew, Daniel is obsessed with tractors, John Deere ones especially. His mom used to sing him this song when he was a baby and now he can say almost all the words to the entire song! The line I chose is my favorite part that he sings, it is just so cute!

 

 

 

22.Hank It-Justin Moore

"You gotta hank it, can't sip whiskey gotta drank it."

Those were the words that started playing when I lost my phone and my ringtone for my brother-in-law went off on my phone from him trying to call me to help me find it. Alise, my youngest niece, stopped what she was doing and started shaking her hips, she was instantly a fan of this song. If she is ever fussy, just start singing or playing this song and 9/10 she will start shaking her hips and smiling along. Its funny because the lyrics aren't something I wouldn't want my niece to make into her favorite song, but she loves it, so I play it for her!

 

 

 

 

 

 

23. Sober- Little Big Town

"I wanna walk that line a little crooked And live my life a little on the rocks Laugh at every time I fell Not afraid to make a fool of myself And keep on dancing when the music stops"

This song is absolutely one of my favorites from the entire year. It came on a country awards show and I got a text message from my sister saying this song reminded me of her. At first I thought, well that's funny since out of me and my sisters, I'm the one who drinks the most since I'm the youngest and only single one. Then I actually listened to the lyrics, actually I looked them up, and thought, this is a deep song. It ended up being a sincere compliment that this song reminded my sister of me, because this is truly how I want to live my life. I think we all get so caught up in how things are supposed to be, we don't accept them how they really are...I actually could talk about this song so much more, so it will most likely become a post on my blog soon enough!

 

Thanks for bearing through the 23 songs, I hope I introduced you to some new songs you've never heard of, or brought back some good memories you've shared with me, or anyone else. Take time to listen to the music, take time to dance to the music.

 

 

 

 

 

 

2013 -- Blessed.

I sit here in awe as I am typing these words when I reflect upon the year I had for 2013.

Never in my life have I ever felt more complete than I do in this exact moment.

I feel like I've finally have reached that place of fully loving myself.

This year was a big year for me.

I graduated college.

I had an incredible internship and spent the summer in Tahoe.

I made many memories with so many wonderful people.

I moved back home.

This year I celebrated a lot of things.

I've celebrated love, as I attended two weddings.

I've celebrated numerous birthdays.

I've celebrated my nieces both being baptized.

I've celebrated 100 career wins and the best season in Hilmar Football history coached by my dad.

I've celebrated accomplishments of family and friend members.

I've celebrated the life of my great grandma Mary who I lost this year and although it was so heartbreaking to watch a woman who has helped shape me into who I am today leave our world, I can't help but feel thankful I was blessed with her for 23 years.

I feel so normal being this happy, and it should scare me that I do, but I don't.

I should feel anxious about getting  a full time job or curious to see if this year will bring me love, but I'm not.

I truly feel in this moment whole.

I feel completely wonderful.

I have some very special people that I hold dear to my heart who aren't doing so well, but I'm taking the moments I am still blessed to have with them and cherishing every single one. I am trying not to think about when God is going to take them, and trying to be happy in the moments I get to share while I still can.

God has given me so much this past year.

I am so thankful for all of the memories, the accomplishments, the laughter, the tears, the sadness, the failures, the celebrations, the moments, everything. All of it can sum up into one word...Blessed.

God is good. Even when there is sadness. God has a plan. God can be trusted. God will take care of you.

Happy New Year Everyone!

Bad Timing with the Perfect Person

I have used and heard the expression over and over again that "it was just bad timing"

When I finally stopped and thought about it, saying that expression goes against my beliefs and faith in God's timing.

Normally the term is used when a person thinks they meet a person that is good for them and then it ends up not working out and we blame it on "bad timing" but is it really bad timing?

Sometimes our investments in certain people cloud our judgment, we end up making excuses for the reasons why it isn't working out or didn't work out. We think that it must be the timing that is off.

Really who came up with this expression?

Bad timing is not the reason the "perfect" person for you ignores you.

Bad timing is not the reason the "perfect" person for you cheats on you.

Bad timing is not the reason the "perfect" person for you lies to you.

And so many other excuses we give to these people we are too scared to let go of because we think that if it was a different time maybe it would work out. Maybe if we spend time apart we realize how much we love the other person or maybe if we were a little bit older and more mature.

Really?

Really?

Why are we allowing ourselves to wait around for the right time with people who willingly choose to walk out of our lives?

God brought me back to realizing that HIS timing is the best timing.

This faith in His timing has brought me to such a beautiful place. A place where I don't sit around pining for a guy to text me back. If a guy can't pick up the phone that is already glued to his hand and use it to communicate with me, he's not the guy for me.

It's not the timing that bad, its the relationship between the two people that isn't right. Don't blame the timing, sometimes two people who try to be together aren't meant to be together. That's life. Don't sit around and wonder if the timing was different what life would be like. Trust in God's timing and be strong enough to let go of a person who you thought was perfect, if it was "perfect" it would have worked out.

Adventure draws to an end.

For the past two and a half years I've been on an adventure. I've learned so much about myself, life and relationships. My adventure took me to Reno and South Lake Tahoe and so many places in between. I have learned what it is like to be independent and granted, sometimes it does get lonely, it has been such a blessing. I've grown stronger in my faith, my happiness and I have seen more value and worth in myself than I ever have before. I stopped letting boys define me and determine my fate. I have met some incredible people and have made some great friendships. I have put many and many miles on my car and every mile has been worth it. On those drives I thought long and hard about where I am in my life, who is in my life and where my life might go. Those drives have also been a way I've grown up. I've not let distance come between me and the ones I love. I've made the people I love priorities and tried to have my college life and still be able to come home and celebrate the people I love and the holidays with them. Bittersweet is the feeling I currently have, I am so thankful for my summer internship in Tahoe which has ended up being a part fall internship, and being still close to my cousins and it will be sad to leave my co-workers and the short drive to see my cousins but its so exciting that I will get to move back home. I will finally be able to spend quality time with people I love and not feel rushed to move on to go visit the next person. Although I don't know what job I will be getting, I do have faith that it will all work itself out. God has His plan and so far He has shaped me into a changed woman, I'll be going back to my hometown where there are a lot of memories and history, but I'm not going to be living in the past, I'm only going to be focused on the present and the future. I am so thankful to where my past has brought me, but as I turn the page in this next chapter of my life, I'm not going to dwell on the past, the hardships, the people I've wronged and the people who have wronged me, I'm going to enjoy the moment, make new memories, create new history. My time is now quickly coming to an end in Nevada, I'll miss it that's for sure, but as this adventure ends, I pack up and get ready to move to my next adventure, it might be in a familiar place, filled with people I love, but there is so much to be learned and to do and I can't wait to see what God has in store!

Choose Happiness.

Choose Happiness.

This is the only life we get.

Unfortunately we can't give God a phone call and receive instant responses on questions we might be asking. His plan for us is such a masterpiece and I will be honest, I was struggling with His for me.

I am a recent college graduate, I landed the perfect summer internship that taught me so much and everyone has been nothing but good to me. My heart was leaning toward moving home, back to my little town where my family and friends are. My head was leaning toward staying in Tahoe, getting a more permanent position with the company I am interning for, its a great company, I work with good people, the price of living is really high and my closest family is over an hour away but I was willing to work with the bad, put in my time, and then get some killer experience. That job opportunity opened up in Tahoe, to stay, get paid a decent amount of money, and the job itself seemed like a really neat thing to do, but wasn't exactly the field I had in mind. I was trying to justify staying, trying to justify leaving but through it all I just kept praying that God give me a sign. God give me some kind of answer of where He wants me to be. I had a phone interview for a great company back down by my hometown and it was more of a fielder call, to see if I was interested and if they were in positions that might be opening up in HR and when I started talking about HR my passion started busting out of me, I was going on and on how I loved the work I had been doing and wanted to keep learning more. This interview was my sign. My sign not to settle for something I didn't have my heart into, something that would just be letting me get by. I am happy every day I walk into work in Tahoe, the work I'm doing as the HR intern has truly been a great experience, but it seems that although I'm happy while at work, being in Tahoe something has always been missing. My people. My people are who make me an even happier version of myself. Although I've been truly thankful for phone calls and texts and even Facebook messaging, nothing can compare to going out for frozen yogurt with my cousin and best friend, getting hugs and kisses from my nieces and nephews, watching Hilmar Football games under the Friday Night Lights, spending time with my sisters watching trashy reality tv shows, sitting on the couch and talking with my parents, being minutes away from my grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins, driving with the windows down through the country alongside a loved one, and so on. Tahoe is one of the MOST BEAUTIFUL places in the world, and at the risk at sounding cliché, nothing compares to my small town of Hilmar. Most people who leave it never want to come back, me? I left it but had every intention of returning, Hilmar is my home, Hilmar is where my family is and where I spent my adolescent years. Now that I've done some maturing and growing into the 23 (almost 24) year old that I am, I'm ready to move back. Although I'm unsure exactly what career I will have, and what company it will be for, but I know I will be happy. I'm choosing to be happy. Happy so that even when I'm having the worst day, I can go see one of my people or take back road to clear my head.

Although I know, by opening up and saying I turned down a job offer to move back to my hometown I will probably get people thinking about how I am crazy, dumb, pathetic, and so on but I don't care.
God knew that  this is what I wanted deep in my heart, and He knew it was the best move for me, so He showed me when I was ready to listen.

I chose happiness and I'm so thankful God showed me the way.

Choose to be happy.

Value and Worth.

"Your Value Doesn't Decrease Based On Someone's Inability To See Your Worth"

 

Heartbreak sucks.

 

As much as we all hate failed relationships they are blessings.

Being in a relationship where someone doesn't realize how wonderful you are is not a relationship worth having.

Break-ups can make you feel like the lowest of low, like trash on the side of the street, like gum on the bottom of someone's shoe, like the last one picked for teams in elementary school. As hard as it is to realize it in the moment when the wounds are still fresh, and your heart is being torn into pieces, you deserve better. You deserve someone who does think that you are the best looking person in the room, someone who encourages you through your success and will stand by you when you fail, someone who will be there to adore you and watch you be all you were meant to be. Someone who makes you your best self. Although I truly believe that there is that person out there for everyone, it doesn't mean that you need that person to realize it for yourself.

You are valuable, your life matters.

You are part of this messy world, and you are a star.

You mean more to this world and the people in it than you can even fathom.

Just because someone doesn't want you or thinks that you aren't good enough for them, doesn't mean that you are aren't good enough for the world. You are more than good enough, you are the best. There is no one else on this Earth who is you. Nobody on this Earth can be you, its your job to be YOU.

Don't think that because one person or people don't notice how special you truly are that you aren't special, because you are.

You are valuable.

You are needed.

You are loved.

You are the only YOU.

 

Don't let anyone take the shine out of your light.

Fearless.

Yes Fearless is a song and album by Taylor Swift, but this blog isn't inspired by her.

It is inspired by the word in and of itself, FEARLESS.

Fear LESS.

Why do we allow ourselves to get so scared of the world? To not be our true selves or to not let people in?

I could tell you a lot of reasons why actually, the pain, heartbreak, embarrassment, self-doubt and so on.

I love God with all my heart, He has created such a wonderful life for me, it has been a life that has known pain, heartache, sorrow, loss and shame but it has all shaped me into who I am.

I can get so caught up in creating these scenarios in my head about all the reasons why I shouldn't do something or try to plan my life or worry about giving my heart away.

These are all things that I can fear. I can fear that if I pick one thing, I might end up wanting something else. I fear that if I don't over analyze or strategize my day, week, month or year that nothing will work out how its supposed to. I fear that if I give my heart away to the wrong person they can destroy me and break me in ways I've felt before or even worse. These are all fears that I have. But now they are fears that I HAD.

I have written blogs before about keeping faith in God and His plan and His timing. He has never lead me astray.

My heart can love because its known pain. My heart can forgive because is been wronged. My heart has been damaged but it always gets repaired. All of the things I've been put through were meant to happen to me. God planned them out, not as a way to get back on me for my sins, but to teach me and help me learn.

Why do we fear the unexpected? Life is still going to go on, if we plan it or not and if we take the leap to fall in love or stand back too afraid on the sidelines, it will keep going on. It will not stop until we take our final breath on Earth. What is going to happen, will happen.

Be fearless by being faithful.

God has seen you broken, God has the right tools to fix you. God can move mountains and move your soul.

Let Him in, release the fear.

The EASY way

Taking the "Easy Way Out" is never what it seems. When it seems as if someone in the relationship screws up royally, and things had been building up before, we tend to take that screw up and blow it up. We tend to use that as an "easy way out" instead of confronting the problems the relationship had, we blame it all one one thing, and as easy as it may sound, its haunting...for both parties. It is unfair for the person ending the relationship to make it all boil down to the one moment that might have been looked past prior in the relationship to use it as a way out. That leaves the person wondering, "what if" what if they didn't drink as much that night, what if they didn't say that thing to the person you care about, what if they called to check in...you get the point. The "what ifs" can destroy a person mentally, taking the whole relationship on their shoulders and feeling like the one who let the relationship down. But its not easy for the person doing the break up either, because eventually, after the dust settles and the anger starts to fade, they realize that they took the easy way out and they feel ashamed. Ashamed that they could let a relationship end in such a way that it didn't serve the relationship justice. It doesn't mean that the break up should have never happened, its the way they went about it. The way they decided to blame the other person and seem to walk away looking like a victim. Relationships are probably the messiest thing on earth, and although I strongly believe that every relationship has their expiration date, I think the way we go about break-ups can be so harsh. Do I have the secret to the best way to break up with someone? No way. But I have come to find out through experience and seeing other's relationships play out, that taking the "Easy way out" just can't do. 

There are plenty of reasons for couples to break up. 

There are plenty of reasons why people feel motivated to end relationships.

There are plenty of reasons why some people don't deserve a spot back in your heart.

But there are also plenty of reasons why out of respect and dignity to the relationship, that you shouldn't just take the easy way out.

Don't cheat.

Don't lie.

Don't blow things out of proportion.

Don't blame it all on the other person.

Break-ups are NEVER easy, so don't try to take the easy way out, because you'll come to find, there is no such thing.

Avoided and Ignored.

One thing I just can't accept and can't understand is why people feel the need to end relationships with silence.

If this was 1970 and the only option was to drive by the person's house or call their house phone that didn't have caller ID and have the chance that an angry father might pick up, I would be more understanding...but this is 2013.

There are over a dozen different ways to get a hold of someone, cell phone calling, text messaging, snapchatting, tweeting, facebooking, instagraming, good ole fashioned face to face, email, AIM, snail mail, leaving a message for them at work, telling their friends or family to contact, you catch my drift. Now I don't think that all of these are the best ways to end relationships, but a person needs to know regardless of the form of communication you choose, just choose one.

Even if it is as simple as "its over" those words might hurt, but at least they are words. At least the person has something to grab a hold of when trying to figure out why the relationship ended. Avoidance when ending a relationship is unacceptable.

When you choose to just not say anything at all, you are really being selfish. The person on the other end is left to wonder, wonder what they did wrong, wonder what they could say to make you talk to them, wonder what is going on in your mind, etc. How can a person go from having a near perfect night with another person and one of the people just choose to not respond to messages, calls or call or message the other person themselves?

It is a really coward thing to do and how hard is it to address your feelings to the person who gave you so much, or even just let you in a little/

 Have you no respect for the other person? How could you just leave them wondering like that? How are you able to move on and sleep at night? \

What you've done with ignoring the other person and avoiding them when they try to communicate with you is more than you can possible imagine. Its hours upon hours for the other person of over analyzing, consulting friends, self doubting, crying and writing angry messages that never get sent to you.

You should make sure that when you choose to ignore a person, that you don't want to communicate with them again, because what your "like" button does on a Facebook status or Instagram photo or that look you give across the way or the random "hey whats up" texts because you are bored and lonely, are all unfair. Hiding behind social media or acting like nothing ever happened and trying to charm the other person is cruel. Because there is this thing called progress, and by you doing those things, they kill it. They bring up more self doubt, bring up a thoughts that they shouldn't.

So if you are going to be one of those people who choose to remain silent toward a person whom you've been in a relationship with and that is the route you are going to end the relationship, CUT IT OUT.

You don't deserve chances after you take that route, you know why? Because people need to be RESPECTED and ADORED in relationships not avoided and ignored. Get it together.

All or Nothing.

I have been for as long as I can remember an ALL or NOTHING kind of girl. I have always had the hardest time finding a middle ground. The way this life is has its perks, but it also has some bad consequences.

The perks, the people I love and surround myself with, I love with all my heart, I give them everything, I'll give them my time, I'll drive hours to visit, I will do almost anything for them. I give the people I care about so much, but the bad consequence from this is when I give everything and get nothing back.

The part that hurts is when I go from making someone a priority to becoming at the bottom of their list. It is hard from me to make the transition from giving my all to giving nothing. Even though I have been hurt or used, I still feel like giving them a try because I can't imagine them being nothing in my life.

I can't seem to find that middle ground, from all to something. As a way to protect myself I tend to make relationships that end into nothing because its easier that way. Its easier not communicating, not caring and so on. But it would be nice to be able to find that middle ground that allows me to not think about them every day, or hold any resentment toward them. I don't know how to just be friends with some people who have really hurt me in my past. Or not even be friends but just be casual acquaintances.

I have an addictive personality, once I get a taste of something, I want to keep doing it, drinking it, eating it, listening to it, watching it and so on. I can't just like to watch a show, I have to watch every single episode, know the actors real names, and follow them on Twitter, I either go all in and love a show, or I don't care and don't watch it. If I like a singer, I LOVE a singer, I put them on repeat, I download all their songs, I read up on their story and I know their song lyrics like I know my phone number. It doesn't just stop there, if I go into a project, I throw myself into a project. I strive to make the project perfection. I can't just do my part in the project, I have to go above and beyond.

I have known I am like this for a really long time, but it has recently been thrown at my face that I need to really be able to find that middle ground and not be so all or nothing about EVERYTHING. There are times for grey areas and it doesn't always have to be black and white.  I'm going to work on it. I'll let you know how that goes.

Low to High

Sometimes the lowest lows bring you to the highest highs. 

It is true, God really does prepare us for greatness. He gives us our struggles and problems to make us stronger and better. 

It could be that you were heartbroken, completely feeling lost and alone without the person who left, but then you find someone. That someone makes your world spin, they make the blue sky look bluer and make your smile seem wider. They show you what being in a good relationship is all about. They show you why it didn't work out with the person who broke you, and they show you why you deserve so much better.

It could be that you were emotionally eating, or boredom eating, or just flat out being lazy. You eat and sit around and drink and sit around and eat and sit around and next thing you know, you are overweight. Then you go to the store and your normal pant size doesn't fit you, and the shirt size you normally get is unusually too tight. You take a hard look in the mirror and realize that you are wasting your time and your youth by being lazy and eating crap that isn't good for you. You decide to make a lifestyle change, eat better, work out and next thing you know, you are healthier and happier and have more energy than ever before.

It could be that you lost your job. You weren't necessarily in love with your job, but it paid the bills and you got by. But that job let you go, and you were left wondering what you were going to do next. Then the clouds part and and you land that interview with a company who has a culture that matches you perfectly. You start thriving at work and finding passion in it. If it wasn't for that old job letting you go, you wouldn't be as happy and wanting to go to work every day.

These are just some examples, each one of us have our own trials and low moments that differ in many ways, but the one thing we have in common is from the ashes we rise. We can be down, but we won't stay down forever, God brings us to that moment, that "Ah-Ha" so to speak, when we realize why whatever path we were taking wasn't the right one and we needed to go through what we did to see the change that needed to be made. He brings us a person, a sunset, a smile, a feeling that makes us go to the place we need to, to feel happy again, to feel motivated, to find passion, to be loved. 

Just because you might be going through a low moment right now, remember that low is preparing you for a high, just work your way through it, and your time will come!