Choose Happiness.

Choose Happiness.

This is the only life we get.

Unfortunately we can't give God a phone call and receive instant responses on questions we might be asking. His plan for us is such a masterpiece and I will be honest, I was struggling with His for me.

I am a recent college graduate, I landed the perfect summer internship that taught me so much and everyone has been nothing but good to me. My heart was leaning toward moving home, back to my little town where my family and friends are. My head was leaning toward staying in Tahoe, getting a more permanent position with the company I am interning for, its a great company, I work with good people, the price of living is really high and my closest family is over an hour away but I was willing to work with the bad, put in my time, and then get some killer experience. That job opportunity opened up in Tahoe, to stay, get paid a decent amount of money, and the job itself seemed like a really neat thing to do, but wasn't exactly the field I had in mind. I was trying to justify staying, trying to justify leaving but through it all I just kept praying that God give me a sign. God give me some kind of answer of where He wants me to be. I had a phone interview for a great company back down by my hometown and it was more of a fielder call, to see if I was interested and if they were in positions that might be opening up in HR and when I started talking about HR my passion started busting out of me, I was going on and on how I loved the work I had been doing and wanted to keep learning more. This interview was my sign. My sign not to settle for something I didn't have my heart into, something that would just be letting me get by. I am happy every day I walk into work in Tahoe, the work I'm doing as the HR intern has truly been a great experience, but it seems that although I'm happy while at work, being in Tahoe something has always been missing. My people. My people are who make me an even happier version of myself. Although I've been truly thankful for phone calls and texts and even Facebook messaging, nothing can compare to going out for frozen yogurt with my cousin and best friend, getting hugs and kisses from my nieces and nephews, watching Hilmar Football games under the Friday Night Lights, spending time with my sisters watching trashy reality tv shows, sitting on the couch and talking with my parents, being minutes away from my grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins, driving with the windows down through the country alongside a loved one, and so on. Tahoe is one of the MOST BEAUTIFUL places in the world, and at the risk at sounding cliché, nothing compares to my small town of Hilmar. Most people who leave it never want to come back, me? I left it but had every intention of returning, Hilmar is my home, Hilmar is where my family is and where I spent my adolescent years. Now that I've done some maturing and growing into the 23 (almost 24) year old that I am, I'm ready to move back. Although I'm unsure exactly what career I will have, and what company it will be for, but I know I will be happy. I'm choosing to be happy. Happy so that even when I'm having the worst day, I can go see one of my people or take back road to clear my head.

Although I know, by opening up and saying I turned down a job offer to move back to my hometown I will probably get people thinking about how I am crazy, dumb, pathetic, and so on but I don't care.
God knew that  this is what I wanted deep in my heart, and He knew it was the best move for me, so He showed me when I was ready to listen.

I chose happiness and I'm so thankful God showed me the way.

Choose to be happy.

Value and Worth.

"Your Value Doesn't Decrease Based On Someone's Inability To See Your Worth"

 

Heartbreak sucks.

 

As much as we all hate failed relationships they are blessings.

Being in a relationship where someone doesn't realize how wonderful you are is not a relationship worth having.

Break-ups can make you feel like the lowest of low, like trash on the side of the street, like gum on the bottom of someone's shoe, like the last one picked for teams in elementary school. As hard as it is to realize it in the moment when the wounds are still fresh, and your heart is being torn into pieces, you deserve better. You deserve someone who does think that you are the best looking person in the room, someone who encourages you through your success and will stand by you when you fail, someone who will be there to adore you and watch you be all you were meant to be. Someone who makes you your best self. Although I truly believe that there is that person out there for everyone, it doesn't mean that you need that person to realize it for yourself.

You are valuable, your life matters.

You are part of this messy world, and you are a star.

You mean more to this world and the people in it than you can even fathom.

Just because someone doesn't want you or thinks that you aren't good enough for them, doesn't mean that you are aren't good enough for the world. You are more than good enough, you are the best. There is no one else on this Earth who is you. Nobody on this Earth can be you, its your job to be YOU.

Don't think that because one person or people don't notice how special you truly are that you aren't special, because you are.

You are valuable.

You are needed.

You are loved.

You are the only YOU.

 

Don't let anyone take the shine out of your light.

Fearless.

Yes Fearless is a song and album by Taylor Swift, but this blog isn't inspired by her.

It is inspired by the word in and of itself, FEARLESS.

Fear LESS.

Why do we allow ourselves to get so scared of the world? To not be our true selves or to not let people in?

I could tell you a lot of reasons why actually, the pain, heartbreak, embarrassment, self-doubt and so on.

I love God with all my heart, He has created such a wonderful life for me, it has been a life that has known pain, heartache, sorrow, loss and shame but it has all shaped me into who I am.

I can get so caught up in creating these scenarios in my head about all the reasons why I shouldn't do something or try to plan my life or worry about giving my heart away.

These are all things that I can fear. I can fear that if I pick one thing, I might end up wanting something else. I fear that if I don't over analyze or strategize my day, week, month or year that nothing will work out how its supposed to. I fear that if I give my heart away to the wrong person they can destroy me and break me in ways I've felt before or even worse. These are all fears that I have. But now they are fears that I HAD.

I have written blogs before about keeping faith in God and His plan and His timing. He has never lead me astray.

My heart can love because its known pain. My heart can forgive because is been wronged. My heart has been damaged but it always gets repaired. All of the things I've been put through were meant to happen to me. God planned them out, not as a way to get back on me for my sins, but to teach me and help me learn.

Why do we fear the unexpected? Life is still going to go on, if we plan it or not and if we take the leap to fall in love or stand back too afraid on the sidelines, it will keep going on. It will not stop until we take our final breath on Earth. What is going to happen, will happen.

Be fearless by being faithful.

God has seen you broken, God has the right tools to fix you. God can move mountains and move your soul.

Let Him in, release the fear.

The EASY way

Taking the "Easy Way Out" is never what it seems. When it seems as if someone in the relationship screws up royally, and things had been building up before, we tend to take that screw up and blow it up. We tend to use that as an "easy way out" instead of confronting the problems the relationship had, we blame it all one one thing, and as easy as it may sound, its haunting...for both parties. It is unfair for the person ending the relationship to make it all boil down to the one moment that might have been looked past prior in the relationship to use it as a way out. That leaves the person wondering, "what if" what if they didn't drink as much that night, what if they didn't say that thing to the person you care about, what if they called to check in...you get the point. The "what ifs" can destroy a person mentally, taking the whole relationship on their shoulders and feeling like the one who let the relationship down. But its not easy for the person doing the break up either, because eventually, after the dust settles and the anger starts to fade, they realize that they took the easy way out and they feel ashamed. Ashamed that they could let a relationship end in such a way that it didn't serve the relationship justice. It doesn't mean that the break up should have never happened, its the way they went about it. The way they decided to blame the other person and seem to walk away looking like a victim. Relationships are probably the messiest thing on earth, and although I strongly believe that every relationship has their expiration date, I think the way we go about break-ups can be so harsh. Do I have the secret to the best way to break up with someone? No way. But I have come to find out through experience and seeing other's relationships play out, that taking the "Easy way out" just can't do. 

There are plenty of reasons for couples to break up. 

There are plenty of reasons why people feel motivated to end relationships.

There are plenty of reasons why some people don't deserve a spot back in your heart.

But there are also plenty of reasons why out of respect and dignity to the relationship, that you shouldn't just take the easy way out.

Don't cheat.

Don't lie.

Don't blow things out of proportion.

Don't blame it all on the other person.

Break-ups are NEVER easy, so don't try to take the easy way out, because you'll come to find, there is no such thing.

Avoided and Ignored.

One thing I just can't accept and can't understand is why people feel the need to end relationships with silence.

If this was 1970 and the only option was to drive by the person's house or call their house phone that didn't have caller ID and have the chance that an angry father might pick up, I would be more understanding...but this is 2013.

There are over a dozen different ways to get a hold of someone, cell phone calling, text messaging, snapchatting, tweeting, facebooking, instagraming, good ole fashioned face to face, email, AIM, snail mail, leaving a message for them at work, telling their friends or family to contact, you catch my drift. Now I don't think that all of these are the best ways to end relationships, but a person needs to know regardless of the form of communication you choose, just choose one.

Even if it is as simple as "its over" those words might hurt, but at least they are words. At least the person has something to grab a hold of when trying to figure out why the relationship ended. Avoidance when ending a relationship is unacceptable.

When you choose to just not say anything at all, you are really being selfish. The person on the other end is left to wonder, wonder what they did wrong, wonder what they could say to make you talk to them, wonder what is going on in your mind, etc. How can a person go from having a near perfect night with another person and one of the people just choose to not respond to messages, calls or call or message the other person themselves?

It is a really coward thing to do and how hard is it to address your feelings to the person who gave you so much, or even just let you in a little/

 Have you no respect for the other person? How could you just leave them wondering like that? How are you able to move on and sleep at night? \

What you've done with ignoring the other person and avoiding them when they try to communicate with you is more than you can possible imagine. Its hours upon hours for the other person of over analyzing, consulting friends, self doubting, crying and writing angry messages that never get sent to you.

You should make sure that when you choose to ignore a person, that you don't want to communicate with them again, because what your "like" button does on a Facebook status or Instagram photo or that look you give across the way or the random "hey whats up" texts because you are bored and lonely, are all unfair. Hiding behind social media or acting like nothing ever happened and trying to charm the other person is cruel. Because there is this thing called progress, and by you doing those things, they kill it. They bring up more self doubt, bring up a thoughts that they shouldn't.

So if you are going to be one of those people who choose to remain silent toward a person whom you've been in a relationship with and that is the route you are going to end the relationship, CUT IT OUT.

You don't deserve chances after you take that route, you know why? Because people need to be RESPECTED and ADORED in relationships not avoided and ignored. Get it together.

All or Nothing.

I have been for as long as I can remember an ALL or NOTHING kind of girl. I have always had the hardest time finding a middle ground. The way this life is has its perks, but it also has some bad consequences.

The perks, the people I love and surround myself with, I love with all my heart, I give them everything, I'll give them my time, I'll drive hours to visit, I will do almost anything for them. I give the people I care about so much, but the bad consequence from this is when I give everything and get nothing back.

The part that hurts is when I go from making someone a priority to becoming at the bottom of their list. It is hard from me to make the transition from giving my all to giving nothing. Even though I have been hurt or used, I still feel like giving them a try because I can't imagine them being nothing in my life.

I can't seem to find that middle ground, from all to something. As a way to protect myself I tend to make relationships that end into nothing because its easier that way. Its easier not communicating, not caring and so on. But it would be nice to be able to find that middle ground that allows me to not think about them every day, or hold any resentment toward them. I don't know how to just be friends with some people who have really hurt me in my past. Or not even be friends but just be casual acquaintances.

I have an addictive personality, once I get a taste of something, I want to keep doing it, drinking it, eating it, listening to it, watching it and so on. I can't just like to watch a show, I have to watch every single episode, know the actors real names, and follow them on Twitter, I either go all in and love a show, or I don't care and don't watch it. If I like a singer, I LOVE a singer, I put them on repeat, I download all their songs, I read up on their story and I know their song lyrics like I know my phone number. It doesn't just stop there, if I go into a project, I throw myself into a project. I strive to make the project perfection. I can't just do my part in the project, I have to go above and beyond.

I have known I am like this for a really long time, but it has recently been thrown at my face that I need to really be able to find that middle ground and not be so all or nothing about EVERYTHING. There are times for grey areas and it doesn't always have to be black and white.  I'm going to work on it. I'll let you know how that goes.

Low to High

Sometimes the lowest lows bring you to the highest highs. 

It is true, God really does prepare us for greatness. He gives us our struggles and problems to make us stronger and better. 

It could be that you were heartbroken, completely feeling lost and alone without the person who left, but then you find someone. That someone makes your world spin, they make the blue sky look bluer and make your smile seem wider. They show you what being in a good relationship is all about. They show you why it didn't work out with the person who broke you, and they show you why you deserve so much better.

It could be that you were emotionally eating, or boredom eating, or just flat out being lazy. You eat and sit around and drink and sit around and eat and sit around and next thing you know, you are overweight. Then you go to the store and your normal pant size doesn't fit you, and the shirt size you normally get is unusually too tight. You take a hard look in the mirror and realize that you are wasting your time and your youth by being lazy and eating crap that isn't good for you. You decide to make a lifestyle change, eat better, work out and next thing you know, you are healthier and happier and have more energy than ever before.

It could be that you lost your job. You weren't necessarily in love with your job, but it paid the bills and you got by. But that job let you go, and you were left wondering what you were going to do next. Then the clouds part and and you land that interview with a company who has a culture that matches you perfectly. You start thriving at work and finding passion in it. If it wasn't for that old job letting you go, you wouldn't be as happy and wanting to go to work every day.

These are just some examples, each one of us have our own trials and low moments that differ in many ways, but the one thing we have in common is from the ashes we rise. We can be down, but we won't stay down forever, God brings us to that moment, that "Ah-Ha" so to speak, when we realize why whatever path we were taking wasn't the right one and we needed to go through what we did to see the change that needed to be made. He brings us a person, a sunset, a smile, a feeling that makes us go to the place we need to, to feel happy again, to feel motivated, to find passion, to be loved. 

Just because you might be going through a low moment right now, remember that low is preparing you for a high, just work your way through it, and your time will come!