"Alive in the age of worry"

I don't know how I went so long without knowing about this song, but I think it was waiting for the perfect moment to let me find it. The song is "Age of Worry" by John Mayer. This is one of the most inspiring songs that I have ever heard especially for people in my age group. Here are the lyrics and of course, I'm going to do what I always do and analyze them :) Listen, Read, and Enjoy.

Close your eyes and clone yourself
Build your heart an army
To defend your innocence
While you do everything wrong

 This first part is so fitting in my life. In the past five years of my life I've been headed toward reaching the goal of graduation, and in this quest, I have stumbled, a lot. I have had my innocence used against me and have had to learn to build my heart an army. I love the line, "while you do everything wrong" because there are so many moments in the past five years when I've been so certain of myself, so certain that I was doing everything right in order to find out that I was doing everything wrong. Looking back I realize now that it is alright to do the wrong things, the best way to grow is to learn and try things out.

Don't be scared to walk alone
Don't be scared to like it
There's no time that you must be home
So sleep where darkness falls

 The past two years I've lived in Nevada and it has been an opportunity that has changed my life in so many ways. I love my family and friends back home more than I could have even imagined and being apart from them made me realize it, but it also made me happy I made the choice to come here because I got the opportunity to walk alone. To grow and learn and figure out who I am. In the past two years I have been blessed to have my cousins as roommates and friends by my side while I've been up here. I know it may seem crazy to some people that I've spent the past two years "alone" without a boyfriend, and honestly it did scare me being on my own, and I was scared that I would never find someone, or that I was never going to be with that one person to make me complete, but in my quest up here I realized, that is not what I needed, I needed to learn how to walk alone, and I learned that I like it. I've been getting so emotional lately with graduation approaching and summer school going to be ending in mid-June on campus and thinking that my time left in Nevada may be drawing near quickly. The line "there's no time that you must be home" really spoke to me, because I've always had these deadlines and checklists growing up and timelines, I don't have a time that I have to be back home, I know I want to go back home, and be with the people I love and cherish but leaving this life does tend to scare me too.

Alive in the age of worry
Smile in the age of worry
Go wild in the age of worry
And say, "Worry, why should I care?"

 These lines really stick out to me, "the age of worry" I can't stress it enough how much I know not only me, but people in my age range worry so much. I obviously know that as we will start our careers and families that the worry will not go away, and may grow in different ways, but right now in the age of worry, we are worried about if we will get a job when we graduate, if we will be able to meet the right person we want to spend the rest of our lives with, we worry about how we are going to pay off our student loans and how long it is doing to take us, we worry about money in general, we worry about midterms and finals, we worry about job interviews and finding the perfect company to work for. WE WORRY. I know I talk about not worrying a lot, but this is the age when we find ourselves doing it more and realizing it more and its the age when we realize how easy life was five years ago. I love that it says, to be alive, smile and go wild and say worry why should I care?

Know your fight is not with them
Yours is with your time here
Dream your dreams but don't pretend
Make friends with what you are In the past five years I have lost parts of me, and there have been moments when I've gotten so angry or hurt or wasted time thinking that the people who had "wronged" me were to blame with how I was, that I was the victim of their lies or cheating or whatever drama may have unfolded, but my fight was never with them. My fight was how to handle the situations I was placed in. I was pretending that I was a victim, I was helpless, I was letting my perspective on situations be clouded by feelings I had, I was letting people have control over the way I was feeling and not choosing my actions myself. There were times in the past five years when I felt on top of the world, times when I felt loved, times when I felt heartbroken, times when I felt worthless, times when I felt defeated, times when I felt angry, times when I felt beat down, you get the picture. It wasn't until this past year when I started becoming friends with myself and realizing that I can only control how I feel and react to situations and I can only control who I am as a person, and the person that I am, I need to be friends with.

Give your heart then change your mind
You're allowed to do it
'Cause God knows it's been done to you
And somehow you got through it This verse is golden. This verse can be used with about any person in my age group. It is okay to give your heart away, and in the past five years I have done that and I did also change my mind. In both of those times,  I was heartbroken, and although it hurt me, and I knew I was going to be hurting someone else, I knew that it was something I had to do. And somehow I got through it. I've learned that there can be good in goodbye, that there is light past the darkness and that the heartbreak won't last forever. Don't be afraid to change your mind, now is the time to do it. 

Alive in the age of worry

Rage in the age of worry
Sing out in the age of worry
And say, "Worry, why should I care?" As my college days are slipping away, I need to feel more alive, rage and sing out because my chapter will be closing quickly and before I know it college will be over. The past five years I've learned a lot and its crazy to think that what I've worked towards in obtaining my Bachelor's Degree is almost here. These years have flown by, and they aren't going to start going any slower, so why not be alive, rage, and sing out? Worry I don't care. And as the final lines of the song say "Worry, get out of here!"

Rage in the age of worry
Act your age in the age of worry
And say, "Worry, get out of here!"

Forget.

I saw this on Pinterest and thought, wow. This is such a powerful saying. Forgiveness is truly important to do. Like previous blogs, I've mentioned that holding on to the past and the people who hurt you only brews bitterness, but I never came up with these words and they are truly amazing. "Forget what hurt you but NEVER forget what it TAUGHT you."
Some of our best lessons in life are through our heartaches, pains and trials, and though those times when we've been broken down and torn apart, we get help from God and rise back up, grow a little bit stronger and a little bit wiser. Some of our greatest moments in our lives are the moments when we have that clarity that surfaces and makes us realize that all the hurt led us to where we are now. We must not forget about where we came from, and who we've grown into be, but our past doesn't define us. Just like whom ever hurt us doesn't define them. Forget the resentment toward them, but never forget what you learned from them and the experience.

This may be a simple and short blog entry, but I was inspired by the words in this quote and thought they spoke for themselves enough to not go into so much detail.

 So just remember, when you start thinking about your past, don't see it in a negative light, don't start getting upset or angry, be thankful for it. It taught you something valuable and made you into who you are.

Keep It To Yourself

Keep It To Yourself by Kacey Musgraves is a song that really made me think. Sometimes I think it is so easy to fall back on people you've been with in the past because they are familiar, because they know you, because they've seen your quirks are somehow still interested. When you are single, it is tempting to text, chat, call, or whatever form of communication via technology, because its easy. Being single does not mean that you should just settle for what you've had in the past. There is a reason that every person you dated is in your past, there at some point was a time when it did not work out, they hurt you, you hurt them, they ignored you, you ignored them, they cheated, you cheated, whatever the case may be, there was a reason why it ended. It is not fair that a person who you've previously dated suddenly gets bored, single or out of options and they contact you because you are single too. Just because you are single, doesn't mean you are available for them. You don't have to be the fall back person, you don't have to be the last resort, you don't have to be somebody's comfortable place to turn to, you are better than that. You are going to be somebody's safe haven, somebody's first choice, somebody's dream person. Don't sell yourself short, don't give into the late night temptations of texts and Facebook chats, keep it to yourself and if they turn to you, tell them to keep it to themselves. Kacey Musgraves really out did herself with this song...here are the perfect lyrics that you should turn to when faced with the situation that you are feeling you need a fall back or when someone is making you their fall back. 

"You turn on the light and you turn it back off, because sleeping alone just ain't what you thought, its the drip of the sink, its the click of the clock and you're wondering if I'm sleeping, you heard from your friends that I'm doing okay and your thinking that maybe you made a mistake, and you want me to know but I don't wanna know how you are feeling. Keep it to yourself, if you think that you still love me put it on a shelf, if you are looking for someone, make it someone else, when you're drunk and it's late and you're missing me like hell, keep it to yourself. If you see me out and I'm standing alone, well it don't mean that I am gonna need a ride home, if you walk up to me like it ain't what it is, well I know that it ain't gonna end with a kiss so keep it to yourself. If you think that you still love me, put it on a shelf. If you are looking for someone else, when your drunk, and it's late and you're missing me like hell. Just keep it to yourself. When you're drunk and it's late and you're sad and you hate going home alone because you are missing me like hell, keep it to yourself. Keep it to yourself."

Stay strong, you deserve better than to be somebody's last call.

Iron Sharpens Iron

"Iron sharpens iron, so a man sharpens the countenance of his friend"-Proverbs 27:17

Sometimes I think we get caught up in having a lot of friends to hang out with, that we forget to think about the quality of people we are surrounding ourselves with. It is not worth it to have a lot of friends so you can have options of people to hang out with when you are feeling lonely or bored. There is not a point to be around people who don't make you a better person. There is no point to be in a "friendship" with somebody who hurts you with their words, or constantly lies. Friendships that survive are friendships where each person can trust the other person, where lies don't have to be told to make themselves look better. Iron sharpens iron. Don't waste your time hanging out with people who don't make you be the best version of yourself. There are so many television shows and movies that show people being friends with bad people saying "they are okay once you get to know them" when in reality the friend they are describing is not a nice person, they just put up with it. I believe in kindness, I believe in forgiveness, I believe in helping out your fellow person. What I don't believe in is being in a friendship with somebody who doesn't make me feel good about myself, someone to who doesn't encourage me, support me in my failures and successes, or surrounding myself with someone who tears other people down or makes up lies about other people just to make themselves look better. I'd rather have a few good friends who help me be a better person, who pray for me, who remind me that kindness, honesty and truth matter. As sad as it may seem to end a friendship with somebody who you have fun times with, just ask yourself, does this person make me into a better person or hold me accountable to be a good person? If the answer is no, maybe you should rethink your friends. Good people are out there who are good friends, people who will love you and accept you and make you into a better person without you even realizing it. Iron sharpens iron...remember that.

Anxious.

Lately I have been feeling anxious. There are so many events and possibilities coming up that I am just left feeling anxious. I feel anxious about graduation and completing all of my classes to do so. I feel anxious about trips I have planned. I feel anxious about what job will become my career, and how soon after graduation will I be able to be employed full time. I am anxious about meeting some pretty important people who mean a lot to some of the people I hold closest. I am anxious about the future and what it holds. I am anxious about so many things I was getting so overwhelmed. I love going back home on weekends because not only do I get restored by seeing some of the people who love me most in this world, but I get to drive for about 4 hours home, and 4 hours back. In those 8 hours I do a lot of thinking. It is sometimes just me and the radio, and sometimes it is just me and the silence. Songs can trigger thoughts or the beauty surrounding me with the mountains or the fields on my drive. This past weekend I went home for Easter and was so thankful and blessed that I did. I also got to watch the Bible series on the History channel with my parents and it made me realize I need never to be on a break from reading the Bible. Each time I read a book, or a chapter or even a verse I have a different mind set and the words hit me differently. I was skimming through my Bible because I was feeling so anxious about the future and without fail one of my favorite books in the Bible helped me out with the right words I needed to hear. "Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be known by God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:6,7 In a way it actually makes me kind of sad to think about how much I let the pressures of the world and the constant need to know everything all the time get to me when I know that my faith will see me through anything and everything. I know that God has His perfect timing and that He and Jesus and the Holy Spirit are here for me always to pray to and trust in. I need to slow down and start enjoying the moments more and feeling anxious about the unknown less. Whatever happens is going to happen. All I can do is put my thanks and trust up to God and let Jesus take care of my heart and the worries that can fill it. The anxiousness I feel doesn't help me, it doesn't get me any where and it has no place in my life. I need to be better at letting go of the things I feel anxious of and put my trust into God.

Pieces of My Heart

Do you ever have a moment that you hear a song for the first time and it changes you, it speaks to you and you think I will always remember where I was the first tme I heard this song. It was one of the first warmer days of this year, warm enough where you can drive with the windows down and not be cold, and I was stuck in traffic, and got bored of whatever over played song was on the radio at the time so I changed stations. Gary Allan's voice came on and his upbeat melody with profound lyrics filled me with even more happiness than the sunshine through my rolled down windows. It was like I was hearing a song that I could have written from my heart and experiences. "I've been broken, torn and scattered, I've loved Holy I've loved sin, I was rollin' on the wind it didn't matter. I was so sure of who I didn't wanna be, every smile, every fear, every laughter, every tear it was all me, it was all me. Pieces of my heart, pieces of my soul, pieces that I'm gonna be I don't even know. I gave a lot to lovers, gave a lot to friends, everything I took from them, made me who I am, pieces. We've all been lied to, we've all been liars, nothing is perfect in this world, everybody has been burned by the fire. Guess I'm learning that what doesn't break you makes you grow. I'm not hiding where I've been gonna let the light shine in, what I don't need gonna let that go. Pieces of my heart pieces of my soul, pieces that I'm gonna be I don't even know. I gave a lot to lovers, gave a lot to friends, everything I took from them, made me who I am, pieces. The good and the bad, pieces, the happy and the sad, pieces, the wrong and the right, that's my life." The lyrics speak for themselves, we are all made up of pieces others gave to us, and others are made up by the pieces we gave to them.

The Impossible

Tonight I watched the movie "The Impossible" for the first time, and I came home with such a weight on my heart but also am overwhelmed with a feeling of love and inspiration. If you haven't seen the movie I suggest you watch it at least once, and I think I can only watch it the one time I did. If you are not sure what the movie is about, it's about a family of five, a mom, a dad and three sons. They go on vacation for Christmas to South East Asia and are right by the ocean when the record breaking tsunami hit. Their family got split up, the mom ended up finding her oldest son while they were both being swept away in the water and the dad found the two youngest sons both hanging onto trees. I won't tell you all the details about the movie but the fact that this movie is based on a true story about that event and the people the family came in contact with through their journey to be reunited was incredible. The kindness that people showed to absolute strangers, the feeling of togetherness with all the people who were in the hospitals or looking for loved ones. I can not even imagine the feelings and pain that those people went through who survived that terrible disaster, and who lost everything they loved most in life. It left my heart feeling heavy seeing in the movie the amount of dead bodies they had found, and the family members searching to find them. It left me feeling heavy because everyone that was involved in that tragedy will never be the same and although the story ended well and seemingly impossible for the one family I can't help but think of all the families that never found each other and never got to hug each other or kiss each other one last time. But in a strange was I was overwhelmed with love. The love that the family had for one and other was astonishing. There was a scene where the brothers all find each other again and I lost it. The moment was so touching to see the love that the brothers had for one another and it made me think about my sisters and our relationship and how thankful I am to have them in my life. It made me feel overwhelmingly inspired to see the way that people just tried to help each other. In a scene where the mom is in bad shape a village of ladies wipe her face with water and give her a clean shirt and in that moment to I lost it. It was so inspiring to see these people who have so little already, give to others without a second thought. There were many cases in the movie with people doing things for others even though their lives are also going haywire. It was so inspiring and uplifting to think of the genuine good and kindness that people have in their hearts. I'd like to think I'd be so strong and so helpful in that situation and so selfless. God bless all those people who lost their lives, helped saved lives, the survivors and the families of all the people who were in any way affected by this tragedy. I can't help but place all of you in my prayers and be thankful for the life that I am blessed to have. If you haven't watched this movie, I encourage you to do so, it is a movie that will make your eyes at least tear up a bit but worth it. Remember to be kind to one another and be helpful to those who need it. We are all human and we all can use a little help sometimes, it shouldnt take a tragedy to allow us to think about others and help out those in need, there are people everywhere around you that can use some form of help. Give it to them. In the end of our lives even if we have all the money on the world we can't take it with us when we go...And like I've quoted before..."it's not what you take when you leave this world behind you, it's what you leave behind you when you are gone."