Amazed and Appreciative

Lately I've come to find myself just being amazed and appreciative by everything.

Which is no coincidence, because God is opening up my eyes to see the true beauty there is in life. The more I'm allowing myself to open up and let any bad thoughts or habits go, the more I notice. The more I stand in awe to take a picture or just breathe it in. The more I smile. The more I want to shout it out to the world about whatever caught my eye. I think life has a lot to do with perspective. In my communications class my teacher said "perception is reality" and I couldn't agree more. If you perceive the world is out to get you and nothing good comes out of anything you do, that will be your reality because that is the way you choose to view the world. My perception on life has changed in turn, my perception of reality has changed. Allowing myself to simply be amazed and to be appreciative of everything has truly made an impact on my life recently. This adventure of my year of "doing" is starting off great, God is giving me the tools I need to truly make the most of it. So I will continue to be thankful to the Creator of all the beautiful things and people that amaze me.

Here is a challenge, if your having a day that seems to be more black than white, take a deep breath, open your eyes and just allow yourself to see. You can be driving and notice a sunset or just the beauty in the clouds, you can be walking and notice a flower growing up through the concrete or see two old people holding hands. Life doesn't have to be filled with extravagant trips and gifts, it is the simplicity in life that makes it beautiful. Appreciate what you do have surrounding you and who you have surrounding you...I can only hope that it will help you as much as it has helped me:)

Ready For It

I known in my blogs I have talked about timing, and especially about God's timing but while on Pinterest I saw a pin that stuck out to me that Ashley Martin Posted.

Reading it connected everything I've been thinking about the last month. I had wrote a blog about my year of "doing" and last year being the year of "learning" well the reason why it took me a year to learn is because I needed to be ready to learn how to do. I needed to learn how to let myself be open again. I needed to allow myself to laugh, really laugh. I needed to talk to people in my classes. I needed to just do more than be at home or work. Those were all things I so badly wanted and thought I needed to happen. The craziest part about it all was that I knew I needed them but I didn't realize when I did I wasn't ready to receive them yet. When my heart broke along with my trust it took me some time. I wanted to be okay, I wanted to allow myself to be happy and to go enjoy the world and explore. I knew that God wouldn't keep me out of this wonderful life and keep the great things in life away from me, and times when my faith seemed low felt like nothing good was going to happen, but I wasn't ready to get it. I wasn't ready to appreciate it and put it to good use. I was unmotivated and lacking drive and passion. Once I turned 22 it was rather strange the spark that flew inside of me. I truly thought that this is my time. That there was no better time to start living life than at that very moment. And it seemed like in that very instant I was ready. I'm ready for adventure, risks, meeting new people, getting involved, going out on weekends and just being my age! God does truly have the perfect timing because I feel like the past month so many great things have been falling into place. I have already made some nice friends at school and I have been doing things on weekends and I've been laughing! Laughing so much and it feels so good, and my laughter is that kind of laugh that is felt inside the soul. I'm smiling more and appreciating everything more. I'm trying to be a better friend and family member. So you might be stuck in a dark place and it seems like you can't get out of it and you think you never will shake the sadness or pain that you feel, but that doesn't mean it will never happen like the quote says, it just means you aren't ready for it. I think we all need our time to cope, to reflect and to let go. In order to move on in life I think we must forgive, stop dwelling, stop blaming, and start living the life God has planned for us. Don't lose faith, one day you will realize you are stronger than you think and your past will no longer be the black cloud over your head, you will see the sunshine and feel the warmth of life!

Remaining Constant.

Our lives are ever changing.
There are days where life seems to be spinning out of control and that everything is changing and we can't seem to find the one thing that holds us to the ground.
The problem with that is we don't open our eyes, the change in our lives seem scary and new so we are afraid of what might come next. But what we don't realize at the time is who is next to us when everything is changing.
God remains constant in our lives, although we tend to leave Him out from time to time, He is always there, willing to help you through the changes, celebrate the changes, heal over the changes, find peace in all the changes. There is a peace that comes with God, that sense that everything is going to be okay even when it feels like it is not. God is the master of plans, He knows when the game is going to change, because He calls all the plays! He knows what the other side can do, the temptations that come along and doubt, so He understands that we will fail, we are human. We are not perfect creatures, and He understands that, He accepts that, He loves us for that. God is there through every change, every struggle, every victory. God remains constant.

God also blesses us with people on Earth who remain constant in our lives. You know, the people that are always there for you no matter what, holding your hand, giving you a high five, hugging you, encouraging you, crying with you, laughing with you. There are people God put on this Earth to just be in our lives for a short period of time, others to stay awhile and then He gives us our constants. I'm blessed to have constants be my close family and I have a constant in a best friend. There was a time a couple years ago when I wouldn't have been surprised if my sisters gave up on me, I wasn't making the best choices, I wasn't being the best sister I could be, I was letting them down but the thing I was the most grateful for when I came out of the darkness I was in was that they remained constant and loved me through it, just like my parents had. They didn't agree with every decision I was making, they noticed the changes in who I was becoming and they just loved me through it. And you might think I'm crazy for saying that I'm thankful my sisters and parents loved me through that time, because that is what family is all about, but my point is they didn't have to be. They could have turned their backs on me, shunned me, and stopped communication with me all together, it is sad to say, but we see it more and more now happening with families all over they let changes affect their relationships. They didn't allow me to spin out of control completely, they held onto my hand and tried to pull me back down and show me the good in my life. They reminded me of the blessings that God gave me right in front of me.

It is hard being friends with someone, let alone a group of people and especially many groups of people. It seems as we grow up our friends change. When we are in elementary school whoever is in our class that likes the same games as us at recess become our friends. In middle school whoever is sitting next to you that period is your friend. In high school who ever is involved in the same sport or club is your friend and they often change around the seasons, the people who you are the most close with are the people you spend most of your time with. In college the people we are close to are the ones that share our major. As we get into careers our co-workers become our friends. See, friends are ever changing, just as we change. I am blessed to say I have many people I consider my friends, I may not see them often, or talk to them every week but I consider them friends I want to keep. One friend in particular has remained constant in my life since the end of 8th grade. We each had our own groups we hung out with during seasons, she was a cheerleader, I played volleyball and helped out with the football team. She was in all honors classes and I was involved in agriculture classes. By high school terms, we really shouldn't have been as close as we were because we didn't have much in common when it came to activities. But the thing that brought us together was the fact that God was constant in each of our lives. We could be open and honest and share our thoughts and prayers with each other, and we still can. She and I haven't been able to see each other as much, and we still have our own people that we spend our time with but if there is ever anything I need or anything she needs we know that we can drop whatever we are doing to help the other one out. It is a constant friendship that I am so thankful to have, and even just calling it a friendship seems to downgrade it a little bit because she is so much like family and she is what I like to call my "person".

The whole point of this isn't to tell you how amazing my constants are (even though they are amazing:) It is to remind you of the constants you have in your life. The people that are always there, the ones you tend to forget about  and you spend all your time worrying about the changes and the things you can't change.  Thank your constants today. And know that even if you can't think of one person on this Earth right now who has truly remained constant, know that God is there for you always, and it doesn't matter if your communication with Him hasn't been constant. He loves you. Thank Him for loving you. And ask Him to open up your eyes to see the people around you who He gave you as constants.

Things are going to always be changing, so instead of looking at what is going to be happening next, think about who is standing next to you.

I've Learned Along The Way

21 is the year where society makes it okay for the person to be a complete fool, a drunken mess and always doing something crazy.

That wasn't quite what 21 was for me, 21 was what I'd like to think was my learning year.

It wasn't a crazy drunken fest, I did have a handful of nights where I "acted my age" but for the most part I was pretty low key.

There has been so much I've learned about myself, life and God while I've been 21.

I made some of the biggest decisions up to date about my life.

I learned that starting over is incredibly difficult.

I wasn't even 21 for a month before I ended a relationship that I had for two years. Breaking up broke my heart but was a decision I have not regretted for a day.

I learned that we put people up on pedestals because we look up to them and think they are worthy of more attention than others, and I realized that was ridiculous to do. We are all human, we all make mistakes, we all have sins, we all have imperfections, and yet we hold people up so much higher than everyone else. I learned that God was the only person I should be holding on the upmost high.

I learned that people change and that it is okay.

I moved away to a different state for school with my two cousins and that was a huge change for me.

I learned that I wasted a semester sitting on the sidelines not being the social butterfly I normally am because I lost a lot of my friends from my previous college and realized that doing that was incredibly stupid of me.

I learned the hard way that putting school on the back burner is a stupid decision, and even if you hate a class that is no excuse to not attend or pay attention.

I learned that even though finding out I was cheated on after the break up still stung. It made me really doubt myself and what I have to offer in relationships, which also made me hold back when it came to meeting guys in college. I realized after a lot of praying and self reflection that nobody deserves to be cheated on and I am not the exception to that rule. I didn't deserve to be cheated on, I deserved better and I shouldn't have held back when it comes to opening up to the idea of letting someone else in.

I learned that family is the most important and times with them need to be cherished. I learned that they are the best support system and help healing. They are God's given blessings that help you on earth get through the tough times and also create memories that are filled with joy and laughter and make me happy to be alive.

I learned that life is short and that I will not know when God chooses to call me up. I lost a great friend who lived a kind, humble, passionate, caring, life and was taken in his mid twenties. And by living our lives to the fullest and laughing and loving will bring the loved ones who have passed joy knowing we haven't stopped everything because of them.

I learned to stop making EXCUSES. They don't get me anywhere and they are meaningless. I learned to take responsibility for my actions.

I learned that if I want to lose weight I can't just think about it I actually have to get up and actively do something about it by changing my lifestyle. I learned that a healthier lifestyle is something I want for myself.

I learned that friendships can be formed in the oddest of ways but that doesn't mean I should let them pass me by.

I learned that listening to what people say about a person isn't the most valid thing to base a person off of. I learned that there are two sides to every story and letting myself base opinions off of one side was wrong and a terrible thing to do.
 

I learned that forgiveness is powerful. I have had some pretty low moments with God when I was feeling sorry about myself and the situations I was in and wondered why God was putting me through them. I realized one day I was in the wrong and God was in the right so I asked him for forgiveness and felt a huge weight lift off my shoulders. I have forgiven people without them even knowing I have because I also learned that hate is an unnecessary thing to hold in your heart for anyone. I have been forgiven and have forgiven.

I learned that God will take care of my enemies and wishing harm against them or planning evil toward them is going against God and the plans He has for my enemies.

I learned that some people aren't meant to be trusted, and life isn't as peachy as I used to think it to be. 

I learned that the decisions I make today affect my tomorrow.

I learned that being an aunt is the best gift my sisters or God could have given me.

I learned that I am never too busy for God, never too busy to open up my Bible, never too busy to praise and thank Him, never too busy to pray for others and myself, never too busy to write letters to God.

I also learned that waking up early will change your whole day, and laziness gets you no where.

I learned that my not-so-kick-ass life I was leading needed to be changed to a very-kick-ass life.

I learned that money doesn't measure worth. 

I learned that a compliment given is more important than a compliment received.

I learned that if a person isn't willing to change, I can't make them same goes for myself.

I learned that I can be hurt by loved and healed by the same.

I learned that if you don't put your passion into action, or your plans into play I'll just let life pass me by.

I learned that I still have a lot left to learn.

Every time my birthday comes around I reflect on how my last age went. 21 was a year of learning, 22 needs to be my year of doing. Hold me accountable, let me not forget what I've learned, make sure I'm going out and kicking ass in life. 

Surrounded by Love.

Family.

What better way to start a blog for the new year with the topic that has so much meaning?

In 2011 I learned family is the most important. Without even realizing it I became more family centered than I ever was, and oddly enough it was the same year I moved away from my family to go to college. But while in college my family was always on my mind, we were always in communication and I came down for every event that I possibly could have. I could list all the events and special times but that isn't the point of this blog. The point is the fact that family matters. Family should be valued and my family should know that I value them completely and entirely. Families are there for each other through it all, and don't run away when the going gets tough, we band together and grow stronger together. I have been blessed with an amazing family. Every moment is precious that you spend because with all that happens in this world you never know when your last day will be. I used to dream about the crazy things I'd do once I turned 21 and the type of crazy new years eve I might have. I spent this new years eve celebrating my sister Kristi's 24th birthday, playing board games with my parents, sisters, brother in laws and nephews. It wasn't a wild night like is seen in movies or on Rockin New Years Eve with Dick Clark but it was perfect. I ended the year with the people I hold closest to my heart and who have been there for me though my 2011 and I know will continue to do so for my 2012. Surrounded by my family was a great way to spend the night. With the end of the year I do always get sad reflecting on loved ones lost and just time flying by way too quickly, I think of moments that were so special and moments where the strength had to pull me through. 2011 wasn't a year that was perfect, I had to learn a lot and the hard way to get through things but moral of the blog, my family was there for me and it didn't matter if I was down the hall or 4 hours away. Do me a favor and hug your family and tell them you love them and if there is some strife between you and a sibling or a parent just remember LIFE IS SHORT and the new year is a perfect time for a fresh start. No hate should be built up that big in your heart for someone God put in your life to be your family. Today would be a good start to forgive them and move on. Spend your moments happy with your family and thankful for what you do have. I know that is what I plan to do with my family for my 2012.

In Pieces

Ever felt like your heart was literally shattered into a million little pieces and the thought of it ever being repaired seemed to be impossible?

Anybody who has dealt with a broken heart has felt this way and to say you haven't well, you must not have experienced it.

I've lived the broken heart, I couldn't get out of bed and the thought of ever laughing again and truly being happy was so out of the question.

I thought  'I need to fix myself before I can ever be with anybody else'

But then it hit me, thats what we all try to do, we all try to fix ourselves when really we can't do it all alone.

I'm not talking about having another boy come along being the knight in shining armor who we think can make the pain and heart ache disappear into thin air and fix our hearts, I'm talking about God.

When your heart breaks God picks up the pieces, and He carefully puts them back into place in the perfect amount of time. He knows what is best for you and gives you the strength you need to get through it, He has a plan and His plan is to make your heart whole again, to make you feel complete and only God can do that.

Its been said when you have a broken heart you lose pieces of yourself along the way that you never get back, and I say that is true. God keeps the pieces and He mends them and fixes them and makes them stronger than they ever were before, and He wouldn't give you the old pieces of yourself because who you were when your heart broke isn't who you are now.

Who you are now is stronger and wiser and happier. Who you are now is more confident and beautiful.

Its not to say that if you give your heart away to someone else again that it will never be broken, but then God will do what God does best and fix you right up again.

The best hands you can be in are the Lords, so wouldn't you want Him to fix you and put the pieces back together again?

I know I'm trusting Him with my heart.

Hilmar Owned The Night

Ever been overwhelmed by emotion? When your in a moment that you know is bigger than you are and what you are about to see or watch unfold is really going to be special and something worth remembering?

I had the opportunity to be a part of one of those moments. 

I was raised in a small town called Hilmar, I've blogged about it before, and its one of those things I guess you don't really know what it is like to be from Hilmar unless you are. I grew up being the football coach's daughter.  In sixth grade I started helping out the High school football team by being the ball girl. My dad became the head coach the next season and I was so glad I got to be on the field watching my dad coach, got to be behind the scenes listening to his speeches at half time or before the game and I really got a chance to see my dad doing something he loved and was so passionate about. Those years on the sidelines I would never take back for anything. 

While being on the sidelines I fell more and more in love with the game, and more and more in love with Hilmar Football. I also grew to strongly strongly dislike certain teams, especially Escalon. They were Hilmar's rivals and I watched my dad's team beat them to win league year after year but watched sadly as Escalon beat us in the section title games. 

There are somethings you just don't out grow. I know I'll never out grow my love of Hilmar Football and I know I'll never out grow my strong dislike for Escalon. I rarely even wear the color purple because of it! (YES I know that is overboard:)

Well back to those moments when you get overwhelmed by something greater than yourself...I have been a part of one of those moments actually a couple of times, once when my dad lead Hilmar to win his first section title for football against the Central Catholic Raiders. But the moment I'm talking about is one that seemed even greater than that. It was the section championship game against Escalon which was last Friday.  

You know how I said that you really don't know what Hilmar is like til you live in Hilmar? Well if you had the chance to be in Hilmar last Friday you would know the feeling I'm talking about, the feeling of being a part of something greater than yourself. 

American Flags lined the main road, store fronts had signs with encouraging messages for the team, handmade posters were up all over town, and it just felt like the start of something that was going to be unforgettable. 

I won't lie to you, I wasn't getting too overwhelmed with emotion or tearing up at all driving around town, I felt a sense of pride and thankfulness, that the place where I call home was somewhere magical and like something you see in movies  (but way better:) 

I didn't tear up until it all hit me, parents, students, family members and community members waited in the parking lot, pom poms in hand, signs up and green and gold on waiting for the players and coaches to get on that yellow bus that said Hilmar on the side. We were cheering and watching those boys get on the bus full well knowing that they were headed to play the game of their lives, and most of them to play the last game of football of their lives. Seeing my dad walk toward the bus is what made me tear up the most, what an amazing incredible ride he has been on and the journey he has taken to get to where he was was so overwhelming I was so proud of him and our family had one big hug before he got on to that bus and I just knew that the game was going to change us, our family, our community. The fire truck escorted Hilmar down lander, fans on the sidewalks, business owners outside their businesses all waving and cheering for the jackets it was so overwhelming, I cried the whole way til the freeway. 

At the game letter jackets were worn by people who had been out of school for years still there prideful hoping for the same thing I was hoping for, to finally beat Escalon in sections and feeling that victory that was  much deserved! 

One star was in the sky that night, and we all knew who it was, it was Coach Franky. For those of you who don't know Coach Franky, he was an incredible addition to the coaching staff who was taken from this world way too young and way too soon because he was so amazing God needed him in Heaven. When he passed this summer it took a toll on the coaching staff, players and the community, we all wanted to win the blue banner for Coach Franky. He always said "Whatever it Takes" and that was the motto this season. Franky loved the game of football and one of the happiest days I ever saw Franky was when we won the first blue banner for the section title against Central Catholic. His smile from that day is burned into my memory. Well we knew that we had our coach watching over us from the best seat in the house being our angel in the endzone. Franky must have loved watching that game, and probably high-fived God numerous times throughout.  If you got to go to that game I'm sure you were on the edge of your seat no matter what side you were rooting for, because it was a good one. Maybe that it was Franky that kept me so calm in knowing that we were going to win (although I did shake the bell too hard and cheered til my head got dizzy)  but even while watching it was like I knew we were going to win, I was excited and loud but I really never thought that losing was an option. It was Hilmar's night to shine for their star/angel Franky. 

I felt like I was watching an episode of Friday Night Lights with the crazy plays, the starting quarterback getting hurt, the other team trying to ice our kicker and the feel of it all and we did even have a "clear eyes full hearts can't lose" poster which was probably another reason why I felt like it was an episode of Friday Night Lights.

After our kicker made the field goal after tried to be iced by three consecutive time outs the game was over in a matter of seconds and the little town of Hilmar got to finally get their championship from Escalon. Escalon is one of those teams you love to hate because they are so good, and they did beat us to win league this year so it was even sweeter to win in Sections. Oh and not to forget to mention end Escalon's 25 game winning streak on my sisters 25th birthday:)

That night Facebook statuses were posted from Hilmar alumni of all ages and community members and tweets were sent out and phone calls and texts were made and the town we loved so much got to own the night.

Coach Franky was with us all this season especially the boys and the coaches and I know God got one BIG FRANKY BEAR HUG we all miss when his Hilmar Yellowjackets beat Escalon for the blue banner and section championship!

What those boys left on the field is respected by so many, including me. They played hard and saw that hard work does pay off. 

Words can't express how thankful I am that I got to be apart of the night that Hilmar owned. And especially how proud I am of my dad, I'm so glad he slayed the dragon(cougar) named Escalon. 

Thank you Jackets for letting me be a part of something greater than myself, and for giving me a memory that will last my lifetime.

Proud to be from Hilmar and Proud to be Coach Frank Marques' Daughter:)