Unknown.

There is something exciting about the unknown. There are times when I listen to song (especially country) that makes me want to have a man in my life to relate the song to. It makes me desire to be "wanted" or to have someone be "drunk on me" when he is completely sober. Songs that make me want to "Take A Little Ride" with him in his pick-up truck.  You get the idea.

Through all these songs that I love, I hope to one day have a man want to sing those songs to me while we are driving, it makes me so excited to think about how I have no idea who this man is.

What is his name?

Where is he from?

What does he look like?

Where will I meet him?

Have I met him yet?

Those are just a few questions that are unanswered. I've been through relationships before that have taught me what I do want in a man to share my time with and what I don't want in a man. I know to not settle for anyone and I know not to rush into anything.

I find myself sometimes getting carried away thinking about how I have absolutely no idea what my last name is going to be one day, and even what age I'll be when I get married. These are silly things to think about that are basically a waste of time because God has His perfect timing and when I'm supposed to meet him, I will. When I'm supposed to fall in love with the right man, I will. I completely trust in God's plan because I learned that my unanswered prayers have formed into some of the best things that have happened in my life. There will be a day that I will meet the right guy, who will make me feel wanted, who will be sober and still feel drunk around me, there will be a guy who wants to drive me around in his truck (or other vehicle) just to ride around. 

Until then I'm excited. I get to live it up and never know if when I walk into the library, or the gym, or a bar or at a gas station I could run into him ANYWHERE. I could meet him ANYWHERE and he could be the one. 

I can be completely myself in every situation because I've learned trying to be someone you aren't for another person does not work out. I learned that the right person will love every part of me, even my crazy parts, even the parts I forget to love sometimes. 

 I could meet this guy tomorrow, I could meet him five years from now, I could have met him already, who knows? Not me, that is for sure. The best part about the unknown is it makes every day a little bit more exciting. I am not searching for it, I'm letting God do His work and in perfect time it will happen. 

If God has this guy out there for me, I will be so thankful but until then, I am willing to have fun and meet other guys, go on dates and dance with people and act my age. Fun times await me.

48.

It has been over a year since I started this blog. During my year I have posted 47 (now 48) blog posts. I re-read all of them and it is crazy to see how far I've come in just writing out my feelings in this blog as an outlet. This blog has been a lot of things to me and in my reflecting I thought it would be fitting to reflect with all of you. Those posts helped me and hopefully helped some of you. I found it to be fitting to recap on them with just quotes I've said that really stuck out to me in the posts I've done...feel welcome to go to the blog entries and read on more.

8/12/11-Heartbreak Can Be Healed.

"Weathering through the storm seems like a impossible mission, God is the best way I found to be kept dry. But the clouds cleared, I laughed more and smiled constantly and the tears stopped flowing. I feel stronger and wiser and ready to face the world and be open to the possibilites for the future. Pray, keep faith, hold your head up high, allow your heart to open again. You can survive it. Heartbreak can be healed:)"


8/12/11-As Good As It Gets
"I guess the point I'm trying to make, is we make plans, we get caught up in things that don't matter, we think that life is as good as it is going to get, but we are wrong on all accounts. God creates the plans, God doesn't want us to be worrying about things that are out of our control, and God is the number one reason why the best is yet to come, we haven't seen anything yet!"



8/13/11-Simple Things In Life...♥
"Why is it that we focus on the things that we don't have, or we focus on the things that drive us crazy...in a bad way? Why is it that we tend to look past the things in our lives that make life great?"




8/13/11-20 Questions With Jennifer Taylor
"I know a girl who is beautiful, smart, caring and a great person to know. You won't find her on TV, hear her song on the radio or see her face on a tabloid, she's an extraordinary young adult who is just like you and me. She wears her heart on her sleeve, and because of that she was willing to do this twenty questions with me to share with all of you..."

8/15/11-Soundtrack Of Kody

""I give you all my pieces broken, in Your hands there is nothing you can't fix"

I know this song was meant to be about finding someone to love who heals you, but this is my song to God, He healed me!"

 

8/16/11-Anger Turning Into Happiness

"God gives us people in our lives that will challenge us. He sets us up to go through trials, tests and heartbreaks. He doesn't do this to make us suffer but He does this to make us grow. Make us grow in our faith and trust in Him and His plan."

8/18/11-Season 2 OTH Quotes That Meant Something...At Least To Me

"I was weak and vunerable and I didn't even realize it at the time.  I'm glad I lost that self. I don't want to go back to that self. I am going to step outside of the person I've been and remember the person I was meant to be. "

8/21/11-Home.

"I was one of those people who took after their parents in the fact that they are involved in everything they can be, when you are in a town like Hilmar it is truly a community, its not a town, its a community, you could even say its a family."

8/21/11-Kindness Matters

"I saw all the great things she did and how she reached out to more people...and with her celebrity she obviously can reach more people, but what she said inspired me, inspired me so much you are actually able to read this blog, get into my thoughts and heart."

8/22/11-Appearances,

"If we are all created equal don't you think we all deserve the right...no matter if you are black, white, female, male, gay, straight, quiet or loud to at least have a chance? A chance to get to be known by others by who we really are? We shouldn't have to be shunned against for being different, because if you are different than others it doesn't make you wrong."

8/23/11-Better World.

"Remember, you can make the world a better place just by being in it. Just being there for someone can make all the difference, and its not what we take when we leave this world behind us its what we leave behind us when we are gone."

8/24/11-Change the World.

"In this dog eat dog world we find ourselves thinking its all about us, and we have it all wrong. If you want to believe it or not we are wired to help each other, and in doing so its a chain of goodness, the "pay it forward" mentality we most of the time don't even realize we are actually doing. "

8/24/11-Two Sides To Every Story
"We all have our own side of a story. Is it right for us to throw someone's name in the mud? What are you really accomplishing when you do that? "



8/25/11-Settling
"You deserve to be loved and you deserve to give your heart to love. You deserve to be treated like a king or queen. You desereve to feel like you are the best thing in the other persons life. You deserve to feel beautiful. You deserve to feel fireworks. You deserve to feel passion. You deserve to have someone you can trust. You deserve to have someone loyal. You deserve someone who makes you laugh. You deserve someone who makes you happy. You deserve someone who won't try to hurt you. You deserve someone who doesn't only look out for themselves. YOU DESERVE EVERYTHING."



8/26/11-Hilmar
"Hilmar is my home. Hilmar is where I grew up. Hilmar can't be found on most maps, but its in my heart."

 
9/3/11-Inspired By Love
"Because love is what it is all about. Love is something that is so special and we should be so thankful God has given us that emotion to feel. I heard a quote from my favorite TV show and it was "The day you start thinking that love is overrated is the day you are wrong"



9/11/11-When The World Stopped Turning I was 11 Years Old
"The bravery that was shown that day, and the years following amazed me and amaze me more looking back... People risked their lives for this country and still risk their lives today. "




9/14/11-You Can Be Hurt By Love
"Because lets get serious, if the worst thing I did in the relationship was TRUST the person I LOVED and GIVE it my all, well I can still hold my head up high."



9/16/11-My List
"Now I have opened up about my list of things to do in life, some of them I know are far fetched and most likely will never happen and some of them seem so simple...but hey its my list :)"

 
9/16/11- The Only Chance You've Got
"I was focusing on the bad things they had done and looking back in the rear view mirror is clearer than when your driving in the current moment. I know that the people that are currently in my life are the people that are meant to be, and the ones I've loved along the way will always hold a place in my mind and heart, but we've only got one life and we can't live it in the past "



9/20/11-Change Takes Courage
"Change takes courage, we all get scared to make changes especially when we've gotten in our routines and painted this picture of how we are, but how we are isn't necessarily how we should be or who we are meant to be."



9/27/11-Compliments
"I think we get caught going to fast to forget about our neighbors, we all are in the same boat, am I pretty enough? Does this shirt look good? My hair look okay? We pick ourselves apart and we are our own biggest critics, and by being critics we turn negative toward other people, and that is a shame."



10/10/11-Where Anger Leads Me
"So when you are having a heart that is filling up fast with anger and you are writing angry letters, or wanting to punch them square in the jaw, turn to this verse, read it and let it calm you down. Let the verse work in your life, and remember, God has your back:) "



10/16/11-Who Will Be There?
"The only thing we leave behind with the ones we love when we go are the memories we have with them. Would you rather only have memories during the highest of highs and lowest of lows or memories thoughout life, bad, good, and normal. "



10/19/11-Stay Shining!
"You have a bright light inside of you which shines for the life that you lead, a life full of love and happiness surrounded by many good people. Shine your light for yourself and especially shine it for God."



10/23/11-Middle
"I've been inspired because I'm guilty of lulls and going through the motions. I want to live the life that she sings about in the song."



11/8/11-Love Is
"I know I've been all over saying what I want, but honestly, I want this love for each and every one of you. A love that is not perfect, but a love that is true and pure and something worth holding on to."




11/23/11-Where Money Ranks
" Money comes and goes and the things that you buy while you are on this Earth are only temporary but the relationships that you hold with God, Family and Friends those last forever."




12/6/11-Hilmar Owned The Night

"Thank you Jackets for letting me be a part of something greater than myself, and for giving me a memory that will last my lifetime."

12/7/11-In Pieces

"Its been said when you have a broken heart you lose pieces of yourself along the way that you never get back, and I say that is true. God keeps the pieces and He mends them and fixes them and makes them stronger than they ever were before, and He wouldn't give you the old pieces of yourself because who you were when your heart broke isn't who you are now."

1/1/12-Surrounded By Love

"No hate should be built up that big in your heart for someone God put in your life to be your family. Today would be a good start to forgive them and move on. Spend your moments happy with your family and thankful for what you do have."

1/8/12-What I've Learned Along The Way

"I learned that we put people up on pedestals because we look up to them and think they are worthy of more attention than others, and I realized that was ridiculous to do. We are all human, we all make mistakes, we all have sins, we all have imperfections, and yet we hold people up so much higher than everyone else. I learned that God was the only person I should be holding on the upmost high."

1/16/12-Remaining Constant

"Things are going to always be changing, so instead of looking at what is going to be happening next, think about who is standing next to you."

2/8/12-Ready For It

"Don't lose faith, one day you will realize you are stronger than you think and your past will no longer be the black cloud over your head, you will see the sunshine and feel the warmth of life!"

 

2/16/12-Amazed And Appreciative

" If you perceive the world is out to get you and nothing good comes out of anything you do, that will be your reality because that is the way you choose to view the world."

 

4/1/12-Kelly Inspired

"Let love find you when love is ready to find you, don't force it"

 

4/5/12-Good Night Tree Hill

"One Tree Hill was a special show that went where no other show has gone before...it hit close to the hearts of the fans, and it has the most loyal fan base I've ever seen and I'm proud to be a part of it. "

 

4/24/12-What You Do Matters

"You never know what moment God will need you to talk to someone, but He will put you there to help...Be open to serve God's plan and help the people in need."

5/31/12-The View From Here

"I realized that I was at my happiest times when I truly loved myself, every part of myself, especially my imperfections."

6/11/12-No Plans.

"I  think we try to make our lives fit what we see to be as the perfect plan, we make check lists of houses that we want, or jobs we think we need, or significant others, and in the end those are all lists limiting opportunities."

6/20/12-Not Proud Enough.

"We have to put our best self forward, we don't need to carry around the baggage of our past. Our past doesn't define us. The people who we've been in the past aren't the people that we are."

7/25/12-One.
"God shapes us without us even realizing it. Our happiest of highs with the ONEs of the moment and our lowest of lows with them are all making us better ready to be the type of person who fits perfectly with the ONE God created us for."





7/28/12-Good In Goodbye
"Its hard to think that our lives will ever move on past those friendships and relationships. But there will be the full circle moment day when you feel like Carrie is singing these lines straight to you."




8/8/12-With Every Child Comes The Message...
"The gift of life is so precious and babies are miracles God placed on this earth and each and every one of us is a miracle that God graced earth with. Every child needs love, just like every one of us needs love."




9/10/12-Quietly Changed
"We recover from who we were and the negative feelings we felt toward ourselves and.toward others. Without realizing it we figure out that grudges and sour thoughts are truly worthless. We realize that God has made us into better versions of ourselves. He takes the hate out and the pain and replaces it with love, kindness and thankfulness."





9/10/12-Remember Me
"I  don't only write this blog for me to get my release, I more importantly write it for you. No matter how insignificant something may seem do it... Nobody else will."




9/18/12-Present
"And in this moment I feel so fulfilled. I feel like I am the luckiest girl in the whole wide world. I have never felt better about myself and life than I do right now."





And I find it to be fitting that with my last blog entry I came full circle. The person who I was when I started writing this blog was pretty lost and dark who was desperately trying to stay optimistic about life. I thank all of you who have read one of these 50. I'd love to hear from you if one blog really spoke to you, or if it helped you, or what ever feed back you may have.

And to make this an even longer blog I figured I might as well tell you why the title is named what it is..."Laugh Always. Be Kind. Drink Milkshakes. Thank God."

"Laugh Always." Ironically I started this blog when I was in a place where I didn't laugh as much as I normally did but I put it there in the beginning to remind myself that I needed to laugh always and encourage others to do so. We aren't supposed to be miserable and we are supposed to laugh always. Life is too short to be taken so seriously sometimes.

"Be Kind." Kindness is something that I believe is in all of us we just forget to show it to others. It serves as a reminder that kindness matters. I have mentioned kindness in the majority of my blogs because I value it so much.

"Drink Milkshakes." This one may seem out there to most of you. But for many reasons I included this in the
title of my blog. Mainly because my best friend and I say that a milkshake can turn your day around. When we had our worst days we would drink a milkshake to temporarily feel better. Also I say drink milkshakes because I think people take the dieting stuff way too seriously and deprive themselves of special treats. I don't think people should drink multiple milkshakes in a day or every day but there are definte necessary times to drink them. Treating yourself or someone else to a milkshake is such a happy thing!

Well you  may have figured out while reading at least one of my blogs that God is very important in my life and thanking Him is something I do often and should even do more and want to remind everyone to do. Hints why it ends in "Thank God" because that is what I do (or try to do) every night.

Can't wait to share my next 48 inspirations with all of you(:

Present.

Of course the fact that a beautiful baby girl just came into my life inspired a blog. This Monday God, my sister and brother in law brought new life into this world and I was given a precious niece. As soon as I found out she was a girl my head started spinning with all the clothes I can buy, girl toys and places we could go. I instantly started thinking about the future of the new life. I took a step back and realized that, that very day was one that needed to be celebrated and I needed to be present in the moment. I realized in that moment my life is good. My life is wonderful and I am so incredibly blessed with the people I have in my life. It made me think about the instant love I felt when I held her in my arms and that same love I felt toward my nephews instantly. The love I have toward my nephews and niece and soon to be niece or nephew is overwhelming. And in this moment I feel so fulfilled. I feel like I am the luckiest girl in the whole wide world. I have never felt better about myself and life than I do right now. I have searched for happiness the past years which was mentioned in my last blog, quietly changed. This is something that is added on. I look at my life and I realize I'm a role model. I'm an auntie. What I do with my life and the actions I do matter. I can say in this moment I am proud to tell my niece(s) and nephews about where I am at. I am not letting anyone define me. I am not throwing myself into a relationship. I am accomplishing things in school. Volunteering for good causes and supporting things I believe in and working my way  through school and most importantly I cherish my family and make them a priority in my life. Life is good. And like I always say God is working wonders in us all and has such amazing plans for us. Be happy and present in your life. You have limited days and spend them by loving, laughing and trusting God.

"Remember Me"

While watching the movie "Remember Me" a character says this quote by Ghandi 
"Whatever you will do in life will be insignificant. But it's important that you do it because nobody else will."
 This quote speaks volumes about life. I know I am guilty of underestimating my impact on this world. I think I need to do something on a grander scale in my lifetime to help people. My best friend has pointed out to me before that the things I do daily create an impact. This quote made it full circle for me. I know I dream of the powerful things I can do with one day maybe running a non profit or housing foster kids and helping out with charitable organizations. I believe I am fully capable of doing that but really what matters is the day to day things we do.
The doors we hold, the "bless you" we say when someone sneezes, the good morning text or the much needed hug someone desperately wanted. It's in the smile we give to a stranger, the advice we give to a friend, the meaning behind telling someone you love them. It can be giving the homeless person some spare change or buying something from your neighbors children's fundraiser. It's the card you send for Christmas,  Anniversaries, Birthdays, Holidays or for no reason at all. I now find myself saying..."if not you then who?" The little things we do in our day to day lives seem so insignificant because it comes from the nature of who we are but the little acts of kindness we share without even realizing it, matter. If you don't hold the door for the person behind you, nobody else will.
 I write this blog because I get inspired and feel like writing it out as an outlet of my thoughts and emotions. I'm vulnerable and real with the things I share. I don't know who reads this, where they live, what gender they are or even how old they are but here I am. I write in the hopes that my inspirations may inspire some of you and even if I don't inspire that I just make you think for a second. If I never wrote these words, you may have never came to this conclusion. I don't only write this blog for me to get my release, I more importantly write it for you. No matter how insignificant something may seem do it... Nobody else will. 

Quietly Changed.

Ever feel like people from your past are so far removed that they feel more like fictional characters than someone you actually knew and were close to? I feel like God works in us in such an amazing way to heal us from our pain and hurt that quietly we grow stronger. The way that they say one day you wake up and are over it is true...to a point. You may think one day you are over it, but at that moment you gave it a nod in your mind realizing it is over. I think day by day we grow stronger and think less of the things that used to consume us, the hurtful things said to us, the pain we have carried, the insecurity we feel, the ache in our hearts it all goes away. It all heals. We recover from who we were and the negative feelings we felt toward ourselves and.toward others. Without realizing it we figure out that grudges and sour thoughts are truly worthless. We realize that God has made us into better versions of ourselves. He takes the hate out and the pain and replaces it with love, kindness and thankfulness. I heard a song that used to get me through my rough days by Sara Evans and it was "little bit stronger" and I ended up along the line not needing the song as my crutch anymore and it wasn't until a couple weeks ago I heard it on the radio and felt like a completely different person listening to it. I felt that the person who needed that song was gone and the person hearing it now felt a little too strong to let herself listen to it. If we step back and see how God has worked in our hearts and minds without us even asking or knowing what to ask to help us. He never gave up on us even when we gave up hope on ourselves. He was silently fixing us and repairing our hearts. He continues to do so, we never stop growing and learning. I know I've said it before but really micromanaging our lives and worrying about timelines is pointless. God has us covered. He has his plan and the prayers we pray get answered in some form. Don't give up. If you feel the pain won't leave or a memory won't stop haunting you, it will. You will realize in that moment exactly what I'm talking about. Feel empowered by God and feel safe. God is full time all around the clock focused on helping you get better.

"Every Child Comes With The Message..."

"Every child comes with the message that God is not yet discouraged of us."- One Tree Hill

Its obvious for those of you who know me that I'll throw a One Tree Hill quote out there any chance I get, but this time it is serious. This is a blog post that is very near and dear to my heart. This is a blog post about the most beautiful thing in life that God has given us, the ability to create new life.

I am not a mother, but I admire them. (I was raised by an amazing one:) I admire the sacrifices my mom made for me and my sisters and I admire my sisters for all that they do for their little ones. I admire the fact that they give up their bodies to provide life for us. They get to experience what it is like to have a life growing inside of them, and get to experience what it is like to bring someone into this world. 

It truly amazes and inspires me when I see new babies being born. When I held my nephew Daniel for the first time I instantly fell in love, he was a part of my sister so in turn he was a part of me. He stole my heart the second his eyes met mine and holding him made me feel like the world stood still. He was so little, so innocent, so pure. He had his entire world ahead of him. It also amazed me that just minutes before he was inside my sister. I never knew what it was like to feel so happy. I felt the "glow" that all the mothers talk about and I didn't even have him. The fact that he was brought into this world from the love that my sister and brother-in-law share was something that truly had me in such a happy state. I didn't know it was possible to love someone in such an instant. I didn't even know him until that moment he was in my arms and I truly felt like my heart was stolen. My heart belonged to Daniel. And only two and a half short months later God and my other sister and brother-in-law blessed me with Jaxon. I was really in for it. 

My heart was stolen by TWO boys. Two adorable, handsome boys. Two boys who deserve all my love. Jaxon came the day before my 21st birthday and no gift could have been given to me greater. Seeing Jaxon and holding him in my arms for the first time was another breathtaking experience. I was overwhelmed and so happy and so proud of my sister for pushing out all 9lbs of him! I started making all these plans for the adventures that Jaxon and Daniel and I would share. I thought I have such a duty now in life as their Aunt to be a great example and to be there for them in what ever way I can possibly be. I never knew what it truly meant like to be proud. I was so proud of my sisters and brother-in-laws for creating such beautiful life and I was so proud of my nephews and I still am. I see that they are getting bigger every day and growing and talking more and being away from them is the hardest part about being away in college. But I also know that by me going away to school it will be an example for them one day and I can tell them stories about the times I had in college and encourage them to want to one day attend as well. Now my sisters and brother-in-laws are blessed again with each of them being able to bring into this world another little baby. My heart is overflowed with joy. Babies are truly a blessing. I know so many couples out there who are finally getting their dreams fulfilled and being able to experience the miracle that my sisters and brother-in-laws have experienced and that makes me so happy. The gift of life is one that God truly blesses us with and tonight (which could be one of the main reasons why I'm so inspired to write this) I  watched the movie "What to Expect When Your Expecting" and one part tugged at my heart, Jennifer Lopez' character can't have babies, she breaks down to her husband and said it is her fault and that tore me up. They end up being able to be blessed with adopting a baby and they both said that they were scared and her husband in the movie said something to the effect of I will love this baby because I love his mom so much. That touched me so much. My heart truly breaks for those deserving couples out there that I love and I know will be great parents but can't conceive children. It also breaks my heart for the children who are born with parents who don't want them. Every child is a gift and has purpose in this life and every child deserves to have great parents. Another One Tree Hill quote because it is also very fitting for this topic, Julian says to Brooke his wife after they find out they can't conceive says the perfect thing "I think about what my life was like before I found you, who I was and how I was, and it is so much better now.I know there's a child out there for us,one we'll look at and think, "how could we have ever gone through life without this?" And they'll look at us, and they'll know they are loved and wanted and needed. And they'll know we searched for them...Like I searched for you." 

The gift of life is so precious and babies are miracles God placed on this earth and each and every one of us is a miracle that God graced earth with. Every child needs love, just like every one of us needs love. God has a plan for each and every one of us, remember to thank Him for all the miracles in your life He has placed around you. With all the hate and anger we build up in our hearts we should all be a little more like babies, they don't know the bad in the world and they see the good in every body. When my nephews were born they inspired me to look at life differently, they inspired me to realize that family is important and the people you surround yourself with is important and the way you live your life and the example you leave behind is important. We all fall short, we are human so therefore we are imperfect, but remember,

"Every child comes with the message that God is not yet discouraged of us."- One Tree Hill

Good in Goodbye

Listen to this song and then finish reading my blog.

Carrie Underwood does what she always does and blows us away on her new album "Blown Away" with this track "Good in Goodbye" and this song just makes me think about all the bittersweet moments in life.

There have been friends in my life that it seemed almost inevitable that we could never remain as close as we once were, and hearing about good things happening in their lives make me so happy, but they also make me sad that I can't share in that happiness with them. And Carrie's song is more toward the boyfriend/girlfriend relationship but I thought I'd include the feeling of bittersweet you feel toward friends you've lost touch with and kind of felt forced to stop hanging out with.

It also reminds me of close friends who I have watched go through terrible heartbreaks with relationships they thought were meant to be long lasting. This is such an inspiring song that I think we all need to remember when we are getting in our lows about past relationships or friendships. We need to stop making the negative aspects of break ups be the part we talk the most about...there is good in goodbye. Maybe not the day of, or the year following, but it will end up making you stronger and happier.

Sometimes when we end friendships and relationships we get so consumed by the pain and just pray that we can go back to normalcy with them, that we can just be close to them like we once were.

Its hard to think that our lives will ever move on past those friendships and relationships. But there will be the full circle moment day when you feel like Carrie is singing these lines straight to you.

 "I don't regret it, the time we had together, I won't forget it, but we both ended up where we belonged, goodbye made us strong, yeah I'm happy, I found somebody too who makes me happy, and I knew one day I'd see you on the street and it would be bittersweet.As bad as it was, as bad as it hurt, I thank God I didn't get what I thought I deserved sometimes life leads you down a different road, when you are holding on to someone you've got to let go some day you'll see the reason why, sometimes there is good in goodbye."

ONE.

I got inspired by a reality TV show, which one? The Bachelorette.

There was something Emily said that stuck out to me when she was talking to Arie about not being with him anymore. She said something to the extent of "I could be really happy with you for a lot of years, but not forever"

Although this was a blow to Arie in her basically saying, I love you but you aren't my soul mate, it got me thinking.

Every person we involve ourselves with in a relationship, it doesn't matter if its two weeks, two months, two years or two decades they all serve their purpose. Some people are only meant to be in our lives for a certain amount of time.

Here's an example I came up with that might help get my point across, it was about my previous relationships with guys from my past, and they will all be summed up under the same reference as "He."

He was the ONE that I got to share my first kiss with. He was the ONE who showed me what that High School Sweetheart relationship felt like. He was the ONE who told me I was beautiful and actually made me feel it. He was the ONE who opened up my heart to love fully and completely. He was the ONE who held me when I cried when I lost my grandpa. He was the ONE who made me feel like being in a long distance relationship in college was worth it. He was the ONE who could make me laugh more than anyone else.

He was also the ONE who made me doubt myself and my worth. He was the ONE who made me cry harder than I've ever cried before. He was the ONE who cheated on me. He was the ONE who made me truly feel heartbreak. He was the ONE who made me feel inferior to him. He was the ONE who made me feel empty. He was the ONE who made me feel like I didn't measure up sometimes.

Those guys were all the ONE for me in some way, happy or sad. They all taught me something. They all shaped me into who I am today. They all helped me figure out what I really want out of relationships. They weren't who I am supposed to be with FOREVER. They did make me happy, they weren't meant to be with me for the rest of my life.

On days when I find myself doubting that I will find this FOREVER LOVE, the ONE who is meant to be in my life til the day I die, I remind myself that the ONE for me does exist. He is wanting to meet me and marry me as much as I want to meet and marry him. He might even be going through the wrong ONE right now in order to better prepare for a lifetime with me.

God shapes us without us even realizing it. Our happiest of highs with the ONEs of the moment and our lowest of lows with them are all making us better ready to be the type of person who fits perfectly with the ONE God created us for.

They say all you need is ONE, but many of us need to have the wrong ONE or ONEs to know who the right ONE is. The ONE who will be our forever love.

Don't give up hope. Don't be afraid to open up. You never know when God is going to bring your ONE true forever kind of love your way.

Not Proud Enough.

Has there ever been a time in your life you weren't proud of?

A time that you were a person you didn't like and just the thought of looking back makes your stomach churn?

There has been a part of my life where I can look back and say that the person who I was, was a person I couldn't face in the mirror. A person who was so low on self esteem and confidence, a person who was so easily manipulated and a person who couldn't see the downward spiral my life was taking. 

I allowed myself to be controlled by others and let myself fall deeper and deeper into a hole that was leading no where. 

I put myself out there and into the situation fully and completely, I trusted the wrong people and I cared too much what others thought.

It wasn't until just recently that I've had some of the people closest to me point out that the person that I was,  has only helped make me into the person that I am.

A person who is stronger and wiser. A person who can not be easily charmed or swayed or manipulated.

A person who can look at herself in the mirror and know that there is no going back to who I was. 

I know that I was supposed to go through that low moment in my life, because it wasn't until I was feeling so numb and empty that I realized that I was normally so warm and full of life.

I learned we can't let anybody, no matter how good looking, how smart, how charming, how funny, take away our light and who we are as a person.

We don't need to fit anybody's mold. We shouldn't make anybody try to fit our mold.

Life is so precious and there are going to be times when we mess up, sometimes we mess up really big for a short period of time and other times we keep making little bad decisions that add up to a long period of time. We just have to take the mess and clean it up. 

We have to put our best self forward, we don't need to carry around the baggage of our past. Our past doesn't define us. The people who we've been in the past aren't the people that we are.

God did not give me anything I couldn't handle. God knew that the situations He put me in would all be beneficial for me one day. He knew the lessons I would learn and He knew I would get back on the right track.

Sometimes I think society makes us feel like we have to be so perfect that having a past that isn't perfect makes us flawed and damaged goods. Show me a perfect adult on the planet at this very moment...good luck. Because we are all stitched together with flaws and heartbreaks and failures. 

Its how we handle our flaws and heartbreaks and failures. Its how we learn to take the bad times and make them into good lessons. 

Be a person who you can look at in the mirror and be proud of.

No Plans.

Cal.

University of Texas.

Cal Poly.

Chico State.

Stanislaus.

University of Oregon.

Fresno State.

UOP.

UC Davis.

This is a list from my life of all the colleges I thought about going to and at one point really wanted to go there. Some of the desires sparked from things as simple as I went to a football game and had a lot of fun and wanted to be apart of the crowd some day. Some of the reasons I had was because of the AG programs they had to offer. Others were because I knew people who had went there and had a really great time. All through my life I was making these plans to go to college somewhere for whatever reason and that is what they just ended up to be plans.

I wasn't planning on ever wanting to go to the University of Nevada, Reno. When my cousin Morgan got accepted there and she said she was going I still never really gave it any thought. I never really gave it a shot, and yet its the college I chose to transfer to.

While I was walking on campus this morning I was looking at next football seasons schedule and I saw that we were going to be playing Fresno State here, which got me to thinking about how I could have been attending Fresno and how it was also a school I got accepted to. I then thought about the football game I went to at Cal which made me want to attend there when I was in probably the 7th grade. Which then led to my revelation about the reason why I'm inspired to write this blog to you.

(My mind does bounce around a lot)

See the colleges I wanted and desired and one day planned on, ended up just being that, wants, desires and plans. I didn't see myself attending Nevada really until I got my acceptance letter. And the only reason why I really applied in the first place is because my cousin told me there was still time to apply in January so on a fluke I did. I realized that the plans I had for myself weren't at all the plans that God was creating for me and has planned for me.

We spend so much time thinking about the future, and worrying about the future, why? If you were to ask me two years ago what college I would be transferring to from Merced College I probably would have said Chico State. I'm not at Chico State and I'm actually really happy that I'm not. Because I opened myself up to just applying to Nevada, and then got accepted to Nevada, I ended up finding a place that I really love to live at and a campus I love. I think we close ourselves off to too many opportunities because they don't fit in our "plan" and why do we do that?

If I would have never applied to Nevada I wouldn't be on the computer in the Knowledge Center at this very moment being so inspired by the plans God has for me.

I think we try to make our lives fit what we see to be as the perfect plan, we make check lists of houses that we want, or jobs we think we need, or significant others, and in the end those are all lists limiting opportunities.

I have a major, my major is broad and until today I never really felt as confident as I do now about picking that major. My career will be something that isn't planned, I won't have a specific place that I'm going to work or a job that I have to do. This feeling of excitement of the present and the future is overpowering me at this moment!

I am going to stop making plans about big things I have no control over. Like who God is going to place in my life as my husband one day, or what job I'm going to get when I graduate, or how long its going to take me to buy my own house.

I'll keep you updated on how this is going in my life, because it may seem to some of you pretty careless, but I call it faith. I have faith that God will provide me the opportunities and I just need to accept them! Just like I accepted coming to college in Nevada, it wasn't what I had planned, but its one of the best decisions I've ever made thanks to God providing the right time and place.

Maybe you should try it out too, with maybe not worry about one thing, like if you are single, stop making your checklists about who your boyfriend needs to be and posting those vague Facebook status updates that one of your 500 guy friends might notice. Start living! Stop worrying!



The View From Here

I can get so caught up with how others view me.

There used to be times when I was the most confident person, I'd be silly and happy and completely and entirely myself without having a care how others viewed me.

Somewhere along the lines that person got lost. That person who wore her hair in a messy ponytail, a t-shirt and jeans and hardly ever wore make-up. The person that was so bubbly happy it was obnoxious to some people. The person that loved so hard and constantly wore a smile.

In my realization that who I used to be got lost, I got sad realizing I let this world we live in get the best of me. I realized that the views that others had of me became more important than the view I had of myself.

Somehow I started letting others define me and my self esteem got to be at an all time low. I stopped seeing the beauty I had in myself and the beauty that God (and my parents) gave me. I stopped being myself 100% of the time and got to be so reserved it felt wrong.

I felt the need to be someone I wasn't and it wasn't due to something anyone directly told me. It was something that got built up overtime and who I was started fading away and I wasn't becoming the person I wanted to be...THANKFULLY I realized this in time to save myself before the Kody I once knew was gone forever.

I think we forget to love ourselves. We give love out to family, friends, pets and even strangers. I love everyone before I remember to love myself. I will encourage everyone before I think to encourage myself.

Its not bad to love yourself, its not bad to feel good about yourself, its not bad to be confident in yourself. Don't ever let anyone tell you or let yourself build that up in your mind because guess what? I realized this. I needed the help of a friend and a conversation that evolved itself to stumble upon this realization, but I got there.

I realized that I was at my happiest times when I truly loved myself, every part of myself, especially my imperfections.

This is a reminder to you all, because I needed to be reminded that in this world its all about how others view us, if we are pretty enough, skinny enough, smart enough, etc....but it doesn't have to be. We don't have to rate ourselves on a scale of our hottness or be anything other than who we feel we are meant to be. "Don't be afraid to step outside of who you've been and become the person you are meant to be, the person that you are."-One Tree Hill

What you do matters.

What you do matters.

I feel like people are placed in each others lives for a reason. I think that God puts us in the people's lives that need us in that moment.

There have been times when I have helped someone get through a really hard time, or they have to me and somehow we lost touch along the way. But I would hope that the help that I provided them and the kindness I showed toward them stuck with them, just like I feel thankful for all the people who are there for the moments in my life where I need them to be.

I think we all get so caught up in ourselves that we forget about the people surrounding us. We notice something on our Facebook or Twitter Feed and notice something seems a little off about a friend or follower we have and don't do anything about it, WHY? Is it because we don't think that we have the time to bother to even listen?

I think that school is important, I think that work is important and I understand that life gets incredibly busy, but is that really an excuse? Is that an excuse to let someone you could really help get through something or do a favor for someone because you don't have the time?

Isn't that what we are all here for? To help each other? Because every time we help someone else and put others above ourselves, we are shining God's light, showing God that we are loving and kind people.

Even the smallest thing can make the biggest difference.

Life is too short to worry about ourselves and not to care for others.

1 Corinthians 16:13,14 says " Watch, stand fast in the faith, be brave and be strong. Let all that you do be done with love."

Love each other. And use that love and help someone with it. Even if it is as simple as a check up text or calling someone to catch up.

You never know what moment God will need you to talk to someone, but He will put you there to help...Be open to serve God's plan and help the people in need.

What you do matters.

Much Love and God Bless,
Kody

Good Night Tree Hill

I've been emotional all day, thinking about the ending of my favorite show coming to an end. To most of you One Tree Hill was just a show, and you thought I was a little over the top obsessive, but you don't know what the show actually meant to me.

The show was my outlet, I've watched and re-watched every episode from the past 8 seasons too many times to count, and I made sure my college schedule and work schedule didn't conflict with the past 13 Wednesday Nights, I didn't miss an episode this season, and I have loved every minute of One Tree Hill. I grew up with it.

It was more than just a TV show, it was inspirational, it hit me close to the heart, it said the words every week I needed to hear. On a bad day, if I knew One Tree Hill was coming on I knew it would get better. I feel so connected to all the characters and feel as if I know them as my closest friends and saying good bye to them tonight on the series finale was a tough thing to do.

One Tree Hill cast and crew did not let the fans down this last episode, it was literally perfect, it was everything that any fan would have wanted, and it left me feeling complete. I didn't want it to end it was so good and perfect and sweet. It was the happy ending that it deserved to have. It was beautiful and wonderful and so well thought out that I started crying multiple times throughout. The first hour of the 2 hour finale was very special because it just went to show the fans again another reason why we have tuned in every week, the cast and crew truly love us. Hearing the stories and letting us in made me feel even more connected with the show and even though I have been struggling with saying good bye all day it made it easier. It made it easier because of how far the show has came, and how much we've all grown up throughout the years its been on. Watching the finale made me feel so happy, it made me feel like we were finally getting to see that light in life, that everything is okay in the end. Hearing a live version one last time on the show of Gavin Degraw's "I Don't Wanna Be" really got the water works flowing for me. Then the last minutes when the whole gang is at the basketball game years later was the perfect way to end it. Watching the characters grow and struggle has been something the fans have had the chance to be let in and  to see the wishes they made come true (Even if it was just in the show) made us all feel a little safer, and a little more confident.

One Tree Hill was a special show that went where no other show has gone before...it hit close to the hearts of the fans, and it has the most loyal fan base I've ever seen and I'm proud to be a part of it. One Tree Hill fans have a special place in their hearts for One Tree Hill.

I wasn't sure if I could write this blog because I didn't know if I would be able to give the show justice, the show that helped me get through some really hard times, the show that I went to for strength and for laughs, the show that I grew up watching and the show that helped shape me in ways to make me who I am today.

I owe so much to the cast and crew of One Tree Hill, you've given me and so many others something to believe in something so special, a part of a family that can bring so many different people together to watch the epic show that made it.

I would love to say that I was, but I wasn't always a follower of OTH from day 1, I actually owe one of my best friends Lindsey a great thank you for introducing it to me. We were washing our heifers preparing for county fair in our small California dairy town, Hilmar, and we wanted to take a break while the heifers dried, we went into her room and started watching a tv show on DVD that I didn't really ever know about. It was season 3 and it was the episode of the school shooting, I was instantly drawn in, asking her about a million questions when she did me one of the best gifts and let me borrow her DVDs seasons 1-3. I watched them in less than 2 weeks I was so glued, I literally spent that summer obsessing about this great show One Tree Hill and was angry with myself that I hadn't watched it from the beginning. My boyfriend at the time bought me season 4 right before season 5 was airing and I watched season 4 in two days. I started watching season 5 while the episodes aired and it seemed very special because I was starting that new journey with them. I was happy to have made the four year jump with them.

One Tree Hill has become a part of me, and so have the characters. I have always gravitated toward Brooke and Haley's characters, they were the women who inspired me the most, seasons 1-9. They were strong, and gracefully weak, they were fighters and they were best friends.

I never gave up hope in the show and every season where we thought it might not get picked up again I didn't know what I would do with myself because I wasn't ready to let go. I wasn't ready to say good bye. I needed more time I had just started watching it with them.

When Lucas and Peyton both left the show many viewers were skeptical of what might be but with Julian, Clay and Quinn I don't know how they could have been. Its hard to think of the show without the three of them. They were such huge parts of the past seasons, they belong in Tree Hill and in our hearts. Julian finally brought us Team Brooke fans happiness when he married her and made her dreams come true in every way possible. And Clay and Quinn's storyline has always been a very special one to follow, and both played by amazing actors.

I couldn't write this blog and not mention Haley and Nathan, they were the characters that gave me hope. Nathan is the type of man girls dream of marrying, the ones who will protect, who will love unconditionally, who will never stray their eyes to cheat, who will do whatever it takes to get home and be with his family. Haley is the kind and compassionate woman who also has the sparky side of her, she's a great mother and a fighter for her family and husband. With their "always and forever" saying and the countless Naley memories us OTH fans carry close with us, we have to agree with Brooke's speech at their wedding "When I look at Haley and Nathan I feel safer" they gave us that safe place to go to and the hope that love exsists.


 The Final Episode was the perfect closure.

I'm so thankful to have been a fan and a part of it.












To the cast and crew,

Without you and your hard work and dedication to the fans and making the best show possible I don't know where I would be. I wish I would have been able to afford to fly to Wilmington while you all were still there and you  were still filming to see some of it actually happen. What you all put together was something magical and something I hold very close to my heart. One Tree Hill is a part of me, I will carry it with me where ever I go and in whatever I do. I have and will most likely use lines from the show in  my everyday ordinary life. I feel like each character has become like a best friend to me and I know them so well. With the help of twitter I've been able to get a glimpse of who you all are in real life outside of character and let me tell you, you make me laugh and smile and inspire me outside of your characters, just by being you! You are all so compassionate and the time and dedication you have put into this show matters. Because like the last episode, and episodes before it say...what you do matters. The time and effort you put in matters, these past seasons have got me through break ups, bad days, happy days, rainy days, my birthdays, Mondays, Wednesdays...etc. I'm a better person today because of your efforts on the show. I'm a stronger person today of the lessons I've learned on the show. I have better comeback lines because of the show. My thanks and blog cannot do it all justice, each and every one of the cast members that ever spent even a second on OTH, and each member of the crew and especially the creator, Mark Schwahn thank you.

Love,
Kody
One Tree Hill will hold a place in my heart and will be with me, always and forever.

Kelly Inspired

Watching Kelly Clarkson tonight made me very inspired to write a blog.
 


It made me feel empowered as a single female. It also made me think about all the women in my life, and in the media who I look up to who are having to face the single life due to idiot guys who didn't deserve them in the first place.


I do believe that we don't choose who we love, because if we did, I'm sure most of us would think some relationships we must have been drunk throughout because how could we have been so blind?


And I do think it is true that love is blind, because we are blinded by love, we don't catch to see what outsiders looking in catch, we don't notice the flaws because we think every imperfection is what makes them perfect. We make excuses to allow behavior that is unacceptable to become acceptable.


I am sick and tired of watching strong women in my life, who are beautiful and confident and have the world at their finger tips get heartbroken by some guy who doesn't even deserve to have gotten close enough to their hearts to break it. The girls that are so loving, kind and compassionate that they love the person they are with regardless of his short comings, and will take bad days over good because they are so drawn to them they can't get away.

Why do we allow guys to treat us like crap, to cheat on us, to talk down to us, to make excuses why they can't spend time with us, to lie to us, to say they will call and never do? Why do we let the people in closest to our hearts that don't deserve it and treat it with care? Why can we not see the train until it hits us head on without warning, the train that shows no sign of stopping?

I'm tired of hearing about how these boys, who don't even deserve to be called men, are treating the wonderful women in my life.  Break ups over the phone? Cheating and lying? Saying they don't have the time?


It all seems like a bunch of bull crap to me, I believe that a person knows fully well if they want to be in a relationship....here's a tip to any guy (if any guys are actually still reading my boy hating blog post) IF YOU DON'T WANT TO BE WITH A GIRL ANYMORE, BE A MAN, BREAK UP WITH HER FACE TO FACE, BE HONEST, CUT THE BULL SHIT AND SAY WHY YOU REALLY ARE DOING IT. DON'T CHEAT ON A GIRL FOR AN EASY WAY OUT, DO WHAT A HUMAN BEING SHOULD DO FOR ANOTHER HUMAN BEING THEY CLAIM TO LOVE AND JUST BREAK UP WITH THEM WHEN YOU AREN'T INTO IT ANYMORE. AND WHEN YOU DO, LEAVE US ALONE.


I'm tired of guys playing mind games trying to spare feelings.


I'm tired of guys who are "playing a role" and aren't fully committed.


I'm tired of guys who think cheating is an acceptable thing to do, its called being single, if you want to hook up with a different girl every night you are able to do that, when you are SINGLE.


I'm tired of guys who feel like they are better than everyone else and so full of themselves to even show any compassion.


I'm tired of seeing the good girl get hurt.


I'm tired of hearing about all the wrong guys.


I know those men are out there, men who know how to treat a lady, who know how to love a lady and are waiting for the women to finally get a clue and stop dating all the jerks.


Kelly Clarkson sings so many songs about female power and I loved singing along with her tonight.


Kelly Clarkson sings of being stronger, and songs about letting go, and moving on, and they all just make me want to sing them to all the beautiful girls.


Ladies, I made a promise to myself  (call me crazy) but I had my best friend point out to me that she saw a pin on pinterest that said, "don't find love when your lonely, find love when you are ready" and it got me to thinking, that I wouldn't  rush into any relationship. I saw a guy walking around campus and I thought I could love him, he wasn't what most girls would consider "hot" but I thought maybe he's one of the men out there who can treat me right, who won't break my heart, and who will love me unconditionally forever.

I think we all jump too fast after we get out of one relationship to another, without giving ourselves time to heal so to all my single ladies 2012 is the year for us, we aren't going to out looking for love, we are going to go out loving ourselves. We are going to do the things we want and make us happy and we are going to best heal our battle wounds and heal our broken hearts, we are going to feel beautiful when we look in the mirror and confident, we are going to feel worthy of happiness, and we are going to focus on us.


I figured out I can't let another guy fix me from what happened with a guy from my past, I mean it seems like something we see in movies right? He fixed my broken heart, he saved me from my pain? Why not be the damsel not in distress? Why not just be us? We don't have to play a part to find a man and we don't have to be fixed by any man.


For those of you who have stayed through and best followed this very late night blog post, I appreciate it.


Be careful with your heart but also know that the perfect guy is out there for you, and he might not fit the look that your checklist implies, but he could have gone through the same thing you've been through because we know that girls can be just as bad as guys sometimes.


Lets stop being desperate, and start being independent and confident.


Let love find you when love is ready to find you, don't force it.