In Pieces

Ever felt like your heart was literally shattered into a million little pieces and the thought of it ever being repaired seemed to be impossible?

Anybody who has dealt with a broken heart has felt this way and to say you haven't well, you must not have experienced it.

I've lived the broken heart, I couldn't get out of bed and the thought of ever laughing again and truly being happy was so out of the question.

I thought  'I need to fix myself before I can ever be with anybody else'

But then it hit me, thats what we all try to do, we all try to fix ourselves when really we can't do it all alone.

I'm not talking about having another boy come along being the knight in shining armor who we think can make the pain and heart ache disappear into thin air and fix our hearts, I'm talking about God.

When your heart breaks God picks up the pieces, and He carefully puts them back into place in the perfect amount of time. He knows what is best for you and gives you the strength you need to get through it, He has a plan and His plan is to make your heart whole again, to make you feel complete and only God can do that.

Its been said when you have a broken heart you lose pieces of yourself along the way that you never get back, and I say that is true. God keeps the pieces and He mends them and fixes them and makes them stronger than they ever were before, and He wouldn't give you the old pieces of yourself because who you were when your heart broke isn't who you are now.

Who you are now is stronger and wiser and happier. Who you are now is more confident and beautiful.

Its not to say that if you give your heart away to someone else again that it will never be broken, but then God will do what God does best and fix you right up again.

The best hands you can be in are the Lords, so wouldn't you want Him to fix you and put the pieces back together again?

I know I'm trusting Him with my heart.

Hilmar Owned The Night

Ever been overwhelmed by emotion? When your in a moment that you know is bigger than you are and what you are about to see or watch unfold is really going to be special and something worth remembering?

I had the opportunity to be a part of one of those moments. 

I was raised in a small town called Hilmar, I've blogged about it before, and its one of those things I guess you don't really know what it is like to be from Hilmar unless you are. I grew up being the football coach's daughter.  In sixth grade I started helping out the High school football team by being the ball girl. My dad became the head coach the next season and I was so glad I got to be on the field watching my dad coach, got to be behind the scenes listening to his speeches at half time or before the game and I really got a chance to see my dad doing something he loved and was so passionate about. Those years on the sidelines I would never take back for anything. 

While being on the sidelines I fell more and more in love with the game, and more and more in love with Hilmar Football. I also grew to strongly strongly dislike certain teams, especially Escalon. They were Hilmar's rivals and I watched my dad's team beat them to win league year after year but watched sadly as Escalon beat us in the section title games. 

There are somethings you just don't out grow. I know I'll never out grow my love of Hilmar Football and I know I'll never out grow my strong dislike for Escalon. I rarely even wear the color purple because of it! (YES I know that is overboard:)

Well back to those moments when you get overwhelmed by something greater than yourself...I have been a part of one of those moments actually a couple of times, once when my dad lead Hilmar to win his first section title for football against the Central Catholic Raiders. But the moment I'm talking about is one that seemed even greater than that. It was the section championship game against Escalon which was last Friday.  

You know how I said that you really don't know what Hilmar is like til you live in Hilmar? Well if you had the chance to be in Hilmar last Friday you would know the feeling I'm talking about, the feeling of being a part of something greater than yourself. 

American Flags lined the main road, store fronts had signs with encouraging messages for the team, handmade posters were up all over town, and it just felt like the start of something that was going to be unforgettable. 

I won't lie to you, I wasn't getting too overwhelmed with emotion or tearing up at all driving around town, I felt a sense of pride and thankfulness, that the place where I call home was somewhere magical and like something you see in movies  (but way better:) 

I didn't tear up until it all hit me, parents, students, family members and community members waited in the parking lot, pom poms in hand, signs up and green and gold on waiting for the players and coaches to get on that yellow bus that said Hilmar on the side. We were cheering and watching those boys get on the bus full well knowing that they were headed to play the game of their lives, and most of them to play the last game of football of their lives. Seeing my dad walk toward the bus is what made me tear up the most, what an amazing incredible ride he has been on and the journey he has taken to get to where he was was so overwhelming I was so proud of him and our family had one big hug before he got on to that bus and I just knew that the game was going to change us, our family, our community. The fire truck escorted Hilmar down lander, fans on the sidewalks, business owners outside their businesses all waving and cheering for the jackets it was so overwhelming, I cried the whole way til the freeway. 

At the game letter jackets were worn by people who had been out of school for years still there prideful hoping for the same thing I was hoping for, to finally beat Escalon in sections and feeling that victory that was  much deserved! 

One star was in the sky that night, and we all knew who it was, it was Coach Franky. For those of you who don't know Coach Franky, he was an incredible addition to the coaching staff who was taken from this world way too young and way too soon because he was so amazing God needed him in Heaven. When he passed this summer it took a toll on the coaching staff, players and the community, we all wanted to win the blue banner for Coach Franky. He always said "Whatever it Takes" and that was the motto this season. Franky loved the game of football and one of the happiest days I ever saw Franky was when we won the first blue banner for the section title against Central Catholic. His smile from that day is burned into my memory. Well we knew that we had our coach watching over us from the best seat in the house being our angel in the endzone. Franky must have loved watching that game, and probably high-fived God numerous times throughout.  If you got to go to that game I'm sure you were on the edge of your seat no matter what side you were rooting for, because it was a good one. Maybe that it was Franky that kept me so calm in knowing that we were going to win (although I did shake the bell too hard and cheered til my head got dizzy)  but even while watching it was like I knew we were going to win, I was excited and loud but I really never thought that losing was an option. It was Hilmar's night to shine for their star/angel Franky. 

I felt like I was watching an episode of Friday Night Lights with the crazy plays, the starting quarterback getting hurt, the other team trying to ice our kicker and the feel of it all and we did even have a "clear eyes full hearts can't lose" poster which was probably another reason why I felt like it was an episode of Friday Night Lights.

After our kicker made the field goal after tried to be iced by three consecutive time outs the game was over in a matter of seconds and the little town of Hilmar got to finally get their championship from Escalon. Escalon is one of those teams you love to hate because they are so good, and they did beat us to win league this year so it was even sweeter to win in Sections. Oh and not to forget to mention end Escalon's 25 game winning streak on my sisters 25th birthday:)

That night Facebook statuses were posted from Hilmar alumni of all ages and community members and tweets were sent out and phone calls and texts were made and the town we loved so much got to own the night.

Coach Franky was with us all this season especially the boys and the coaches and I know God got one BIG FRANKY BEAR HUG we all miss when his Hilmar Yellowjackets beat Escalon for the blue banner and section championship!

What those boys left on the field is respected by so many, including me. They played hard and saw that hard work does pay off. 

Words can't express how thankful I am that I got to be apart of the night that Hilmar owned. And especially how proud I am of my dad, I'm so glad he slayed the dragon(cougar) named Escalon. 

Thank you Jackets for letting me be a part of something greater than myself, and for giving me a memory that will last my lifetime.

Proud to be from Hilmar and Proud to be Coach Frank Marques' Daughter:)