Avoided and Ignored.

One thing I just can't accept and can't understand is why people feel the need to end relationships with silence.

If this was 1970 and the only option was to drive by the person's house or call their house phone that didn't have caller ID and have the chance that an angry father might pick up, I would be more understanding...but this is 2013.

There are over a dozen different ways to get a hold of someone, cell phone calling, text messaging, snapchatting, tweeting, facebooking, instagraming, good ole fashioned face to face, email, AIM, snail mail, leaving a message for them at work, telling their friends or family to contact, you catch my drift. Now I don't think that all of these are the best ways to end relationships, but a person needs to know regardless of the form of communication you choose, just choose one.

Even if it is as simple as "its over" those words might hurt, but at least they are words. At least the person has something to grab a hold of when trying to figure out why the relationship ended. Avoidance when ending a relationship is unacceptable.

When you choose to just not say anything at all, you are really being selfish. The person on the other end is left to wonder, wonder what they did wrong, wonder what they could say to make you talk to them, wonder what is going on in your mind, etc. How can a person go from having a near perfect night with another person and one of the people just choose to not respond to messages, calls or call or message the other person themselves?

It is a really coward thing to do and how hard is it to address your feelings to the person who gave you so much, or even just let you in a little/

 Have you no respect for the other person? How could you just leave them wondering like that? How are you able to move on and sleep at night? \

What you've done with ignoring the other person and avoiding them when they try to communicate with you is more than you can possible imagine. Its hours upon hours for the other person of over analyzing, consulting friends, self doubting, crying and writing angry messages that never get sent to you.

You should make sure that when you choose to ignore a person, that you don't want to communicate with them again, because what your "like" button does on a Facebook status or Instagram photo or that look you give across the way or the random "hey whats up" texts because you are bored and lonely, are all unfair. Hiding behind social media or acting like nothing ever happened and trying to charm the other person is cruel. Because there is this thing called progress, and by you doing those things, they kill it. They bring up more self doubt, bring up a thoughts that they shouldn't.

So if you are going to be one of those people who choose to remain silent toward a person whom you've been in a relationship with and that is the route you are going to end the relationship, CUT IT OUT.

You don't deserve chances after you take that route, you know why? Because people need to be RESPECTED and ADORED in relationships not avoided and ignored. Get it together.

All or Nothing.

I have been for as long as I can remember an ALL or NOTHING kind of girl. I have always had the hardest time finding a middle ground. The way this life is has its perks, but it also has some bad consequences.

The perks, the people I love and surround myself with, I love with all my heart, I give them everything, I'll give them my time, I'll drive hours to visit, I will do almost anything for them. I give the people I care about so much, but the bad consequence from this is when I give everything and get nothing back.

The part that hurts is when I go from making someone a priority to becoming at the bottom of their list. It is hard from me to make the transition from giving my all to giving nothing. Even though I have been hurt or used, I still feel like giving them a try because I can't imagine them being nothing in my life.

I can't seem to find that middle ground, from all to something. As a way to protect myself I tend to make relationships that end into nothing because its easier that way. Its easier not communicating, not caring and so on. But it would be nice to be able to find that middle ground that allows me to not think about them every day, or hold any resentment toward them. I don't know how to just be friends with some people who have really hurt me in my past. Or not even be friends but just be casual acquaintances.

I have an addictive personality, once I get a taste of something, I want to keep doing it, drinking it, eating it, listening to it, watching it and so on. I can't just like to watch a show, I have to watch every single episode, know the actors real names, and follow them on Twitter, I either go all in and love a show, or I don't care and don't watch it. If I like a singer, I LOVE a singer, I put them on repeat, I download all their songs, I read up on their story and I know their song lyrics like I know my phone number. It doesn't just stop there, if I go into a project, I throw myself into a project. I strive to make the project perfection. I can't just do my part in the project, I have to go above and beyond.

I have known I am like this for a really long time, but it has recently been thrown at my face that I need to really be able to find that middle ground and not be so all or nothing about EVERYTHING. There are times for grey areas and it doesn't always have to be black and white.  I'm going to work on it. I'll let you know how that goes.