Bad Timing with the Perfect Person

I have used and heard the expression over and over again that "it was just bad timing"

When I finally stopped and thought about it, saying that expression goes against my beliefs and faith in God's timing.

Normally the term is used when a person thinks they meet a person that is good for them and then it ends up not working out and we blame it on "bad timing" but is it really bad timing?

Sometimes our investments in certain people cloud our judgment, we end up making excuses for the reasons why it isn't working out or didn't work out. We think that it must be the timing that is off.

Really who came up with this expression?

Bad timing is not the reason the "perfect" person for you ignores you.

Bad timing is not the reason the "perfect" person for you cheats on you.

Bad timing is not the reason the "perfect" person for you lies to you.

And so many other excuses we give to these people we are too scared to let go of because we think that if it was a different time maybe it would work out. Maybe if we spend time apart we realize how much we love the other person or maybe if we were a little bit older and more mature.

Really?

Really?

Why are we allowing ourselves to wait around for the right time with people who willingly choose to walk out of our lives?

God brought me back to realizing that HIS timing is the best timing.

This faith in His timing has brought me to such a beautiful place. A place where I don't sit around pining for a guy to text me back. If a guy can't pick up the phone that is already glued to his hand and use it to communicate with me, he's not the guy for me.

It's not the timing that bad, its the relationship between the two people that isn't right. Don't blame the timing, sometimes two people who try to be together aren't meant to be together. That's life. Don't sit around and wonder if the timing was different what life would be like. Trust in God's timing and be strong enough to let go of a person who you thought was perfect, if it was "perfect" it would have worked out.

Adventure draws to an end.

For the past two and a half years I've been on an adventure. I've learned so much about myself, life and relationships. My adventure took me to Reno and South Lake Tahoe and so many places in between. I have learned what it is like to be independent and granted, sometimes it does get lonely, it has been such a blessing. I've grown stronger in my faith, my happiness and I have seen more value and worth in myself than I ever have before. I stopped letting boys define me and determine my fate. I have met some incredible people and have made some great friendships. I have put many and many miles on my car and every mile has been worth it. On those drives I thought long and hard about where I am in my life, who is in my life and where my life might go. Those drives have also been a way I've grown up. I've not let distance come between me and the ones I love. I've made the people I love priorities and tried to have my college life and still be able to come home and celebrate the people I love and the holidays with them. Bittersweet is the feeling I currently have, I am so thankful for my summer internship in Tahoe which has ended up being a part fall internship, and being still close to my cousins and it will be sad to leave my co-workers and the short drive to see my cousins but its so exciting that I will get to move back home. I will finally be able to spend quality time with people I love and not feel rushed to move on to go visit the next person. Although I don't know what job I will be getting, I do have faith that it will all work itself out. God has His plan and so far He has shaped me into a changed woman, I'll be going back to my hometown where there are a lot of memories and history, but I'm not going to be living in the past, I'm only going to be focused on the present and the future. I am so thankful to where my past has brought me, but as I turn the page in this next chapter of my life, I'm not going to dwell on the past, the hardships, the people I've wronged and the people who have wronged me, I'm going to enjoy the moment, make new memories, create new history. My time is now quickly coming to an end in Nevada, I'll miss it that's for sure, but as this adventure ends, I pack up and get ready to move to my next adventure, it might be in a familiar place, filled with people I love, but there is so much to be learned and to do and I can't wait to see what God has in store!

Choose Happiness.

Choose Happiness.

This is the only life we get.

Unfortunately we can't give God a phone call and receive instant responses on questions we might be asking. His plan for us is such a masterpiece and I will be honest, I was struggling with His for me.

I am a recent college graduate, I landed the perfect summer internship that taught me so much and everyone has been nothing but good to me. My heart was leaning toward moving home, back to my little town where my family and friends are. My head was leaning toward staying in Tahoe, getting a more permanent position with the company I am interning for, its a great company, I work with good people, the price of living is really high and my closest family is over an hour away but I was willing to work with the bad, put in my time, and then get some killer experience. That job opportunity opened up in Tahoe, to stay, get paid a decent amount of money, and the job itself seemed like a really neat thing to do, but wasn't exactly the field I had in mind. I was trying to justify staying, trying to justify leaving but through it all I just kept praying that God give me a sign. God give me some kind of answer of where He wants me to be. I had a phone interview for a great company back down by my hometown and it was more of a fielder call, to see if I was interested and if they were in positions that might be opening up in HR and when I started talking about HR my passion started busting out of me, I was going on and on how I loved the work I had been doing and wanted to keep learning more. This interview was my sign. My sign not to settle for something I didn't have my heart into, something that would just be letting me get by. I am happy every day I walk into work in Tahoe, the work I'm doing as the HR intern has truly been a great experience, but it seems that although I'm happy while at work, being in Tahoe something has always been missing. My people. My people are who make me an even happier version of myself. Although I've been truly thankful for phone calls and texts and even Facebook messaging, nothing can compare to going out for frozen yogurt with my cousin and best friend, getting hugs and kisses from my nieces and nephews, watching Hilmar Football games under the Friday Night Lights, spending time with my sisters watching trashy reality tv shows, sitting on the couch and talking with my parents, being minutes away from my grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins, driving with the windows down through the country alongside a loved one, and so on. Tahoe is one of the MOST BEAUTIFUL places in the world, and at the risk at sounding cliché, nothing compares to my small town of Hilmar. Most people who leave it never want to come back, me? I left it but had every intention of returning, Hilmar is my home, Hilmar is where my family is and where I spent my adolescent years. Now that I've done some maturing and growing into the 23 (almost 24) year old that I am, I'm ready to move back. Although I'm unsure exactly what career I will have, and what company it will be for, but I know I will be happy. I'm choosing to be happy. Happy so that even when I'm having the worst day, I can go see one of my people or take back road to clear my head.

Although I know, by opening up and saying I turned down a job offer to move back to my hometown I will probably get people thinking about how I am crazy, dumb, pathetic, and so on but I don't care.
God knew that  this is what I wanted deep in my heart, and He knew it was the best move for me, so He showed me when I was ready to listen.

I chose happiness and I'm so thankful God showed me the way.

Choose to be happy.

Value and Worth.

"Your Value Doesn't Decrease Based On Someone's Inability To See Your Worth"

 

Heartbreak sucks.

 

As much as we all hate failed relationships they are blessings.

Being in a relationship where someone doesn't realize how wonderful you are is not a relationship worth having.

Break-ups can make you feel like the lowest of low, like trash on the side of the street, like gum on the bottom of someone's shoe, like the last one picked for teams in elementary school. As hard as it is to realize it in the moment when the wounds are still fresh, and your heart is being torn into pieces, you deserve better. You deserve someone who does think that you are the best looking person in the room, someone who encourages you through your success and will stand by you when you fail, someone who will be there to adore you and watch you be all you were meant to be. Someone who makes you your best self. Although I truly believe that there is that person out there for everyone, it doesn't mean that you need that person to realize it for yourself.

You are valuable, your life matters.

You are part of this messy world, and you are a star.

You mean more to this world and the people in it than you can even fathom.

Just because someone doesn't want you or thinks that you aren't good enough for them, doesn't mean that you are aren't good enough for the world. You are more than good enough, you are the best. There is no one else on this Earth who is you. Nobody on this Earth can be you, its your job to be YOU.

Don't think that because one person or people don't notice how special you truly are that you aren't special, because you are.

You are valuable.

You are needed.

You are loved.

You are the only YOU.

 

Don't let anyone take the shine out of your light.

Fearless.

Yes Fearless is a song and album by Taylor Swift, but this blog isn't inspired by her.

It is inspired by the word in and of itself, FEARLESS.

Fear LESS.

Why do we allow ourselves to get so scared of the world? To not be our true selves or to not let people in?

I could tell you a lot of reasons why actually, the pain, heartbreak, embarrassment, self-doubt and so on.

I love God with all my heart, He has created such a wonderful life for me, it has been a life that has known pain, heartache, sorrow, loss and shame but it has all shaped me into who I am.

I can get so caught up in creating these scenarios in my head about all the reasons why I shouldn't do something or try to plan my life or worry about giving my heart away.

These are all things that I can fear. I can fear that if I pick one thing, I might end up wanting something else. I fear that if I don't over analyze or strategize my day, week, month or year that nothing will work out how its supposed to. I fear that if I give my heart away to the wrong person they can destroy me and break me in ways I've felt before or even worse. These are all fears that I have. But now they are fears that I HAD.

I have written blogs before about keeping faith in God and His plan and His timing. He has never lead me astray.

My heart can love because its known pain. My heart can forgive because is been wronged. My heart has been damaged but it always gets repaired. All of the things I've been put through were meant to happen to me. God planned them out, not as a way to get back on me for my sins, but to teach me and help me learn.

Why do we fear the unexpected? Life is still going to go on, if we plan it or not and if we take the leap to fall in love or stand back too afraid on the sidelines, it will keep going on. It will not stop until we take our final breath on Earth. What is going to happen, will happen.

Be fearless by being faithful.

God has seen you broken, God has the right tools to fix you. God can move mountains and move your soul.

Let Him in, release the fear.

The EASY way

Taking the "Easy Way Out" is never what it seems. When it seems as if someone in the relationship screws up royally, and things had been building up before, we tend to take that screw up and blow it up. We tend to use that as an "easy way out" instead of confronting the problems the relationship had, we blame it all one one thing, and as easy as it may sound, its haunting...for both parties. It is unfair for the person ending the relationship to make it all boil down to the one moment that might have been looked past prior in the relationship to use it as a way out. That leaves the person wondering, "what if" what if they didn't drink as much that night, what if they didn't say that thing to the person you care about, what if they called to check in...you get the point. The "what ifs" can destroy a person mentally, taking the whole relationship on their shoulders and feeling like the one who let the relationship down. But its not easy for the person doing the break up either, because eventually, after the dust settles and the anger starts to fade, they realize that they took the easy way out and they feel ashamed. Ashamed that they could let a relationship end in such a way that it didn't serve the relationship justice. It doesn't mean that the break up should have never happened, its the way they went about it. The way they decided to blame the other person and seem to walk away looking like a victim. Relationships are probably the messiest thing on earth, and although I strongly believe that every relationship has their expiration date, I think the way we go about break-ups can be so harsh. Do I have the secret to the best way to break up with someone? No way. But I have come to find out through experience and seeing other's relationships play out, that taking the "Easy way out" just can't do. 

There are plenty of reasons for couples to break up. 

There are plenty of reasons why people feel motivated to end relationships.

There are plenty of reasons why some people don't deserve a spot back in your heart.

But there are also plenty of reasons why out of respect and dignity to the relationship, that you shouldn't just take the easy way out.

Don't cheat.

Don't lie.

Don't blow things out of proportion.

Don't blame it all on the other person.

Break-ups are NEVER easy, so don't try to take the easy way out, because you'll come to find, there is no such thing.

Avoided and Ignored.

One thing I just can't accept and can't understand is why people feel the need to end relationships with silence.

If this was 1970 and the only option was to drive by the person's house or call their house phone that didn't have caller ID and have the chance that an angry father might pick up, I would be more understanding...but this is 2013.

There are over a dozen different ways to get a hold of someone, cell phone calling, text messaging, snapchatting, tweeting, facebooking, instagraming, good ole fashioned face to face, email, AIM, snail mail, leaving a message for them at work, telling their friends or family to contact, you catch my drift. Now I don't think that all of these are the best ways to end relationships, but a person needs to know regardless of the form of communication you choose, just choose one.

Even if it is as simple as "its over" those words might hurt, but at least they are words. At least the person has something to grab a hold of when trying to figure out why the relationship ended. Avoidance when ending a relationship is unacceptable.

When you choose to just not say anything at all, you are really being selfish. The person on the other end is left to wonder, wonder what they did wrong, wonder what they could say to make you talk to them, wonder what is going on in your mind, etc. How can a person go from having a near perfect night with another person and one of the people just choose to not respond to messages, calls or call or message the other person themselves?

It is a really coward thing to do and how hard is it to address your feelings to the person who gave you so much, or even just let you in a little/

 Have you no respect for the other person? How could you just leave them wondering like that? How are you able to move on and sleep at night? \

What you've done with ignoring the other person and avoiding them when they try to communicate with you is more than you can possible imagine. Its hours upon hours for the other person of over analyzing, consulting friends, self doubting, crying and writing angry messages that never get sent to you.

You should make sure that when you choose to ignore a person, that you don't want to communicate with them again, because what your "like" button does on a Facebook status or Instagram photo or that look you give across the way or the random "hey whats up" texts because you are bored and lonely, are all unfair. Hiding behind social media or acting like nothing ever happened and trying to charm the other person is cruel. Because there is this thing called progress, and by you doing those things, they kill it. They bring up more self doubt, bring up a thoughts that they shouldn't.

So if you are going to be one of those people who choose to remain silent toward a person whom you've been in a relationship with and that is the route you are going to end the relationship, CUT IT OUT.

You don't deserve chances after you take that route, you know why? Because people need to be RESPECTED and ADORED in relationships not avoided and ignored. Get it together.

All or Nothing.

I have been for as long as I can remember an ALL or NOTHING kind of girl. I have always had the hardest time finding a middle ground. The way this life is has its perks, but it also has some bad consequences.

The perks, the people I love and surround myself with, I love with all my heart, I give them everything, I'll give them my time, I'll drive hours to visit, I will do almost anything for them. I give the people I care about so much, but the bad consequence from this is when I give everything and get nothing back.

The part that hurts is when I go from making someone a priority to becoming at the bottom of their list. It is hard from me to make the transition from giving my all to giving nothing. Even though I have been hurt or used, I still feel like giving them a try because I can't imagine them being nothing in my life.

I can't seem to find that middle ground, from all to something. As a way to protect myself I tend to make relationships that end into nothing because its easier that way. Its easier not communicating, not caring and so on. But it would be nice to be able to find that middle ground that allows me to not think about them every day, or hold any resentment toward them. I don't know how to just be friends with some people who have really hurt me in my past. Or not even be friends but just be casual acquaintances.

I have an addictive personality, once I get a taste of something, I want to keep doing it, drinking it, eating it, listening to it, watching it and so on. I can't just like to watch a show, I have to watch every single episode, know the actors real names, and follow them on Twitter, I either go all in and love a show, or I don't care and don't watch it. If I like a singer, I LOVE a singer, I put them on repeat, I download all their songs, I read up on their story and I know their song lyrics like I know my phone number. It doesn't just stop there, if I go into a project, I throw myself into a project. I strive to make the project perfection. I can't just do my part in the project, I have to go above and beyond.

I have known I am like this for a really long time, but it has recently been thrown at my face that I need to really be able to find that middle ground and not be so all or nothing about EVERYTHING. There are times for grey areas and it doesn't always have to be black and white.  I'm going to work on it. I'll let you know how that goes.

Low to High

Sometimes the lowest lows bring you to the highest highs. 

It is true, God really does prepare us for greatness. He gives us our struggles and problems to make us stronger and better. 

It could be that you were heartbroken, completely feeling lost and alone without the person who left, but then you find someone. That someone makes your world spin, they make the blue sky look bluer and make your smile seem wider. They show you what being in a good relationship is all about. They show you why it didn't work out with the person who broke you, and they show you why you deserve so much better.

It could be that you were emotionally eating, or boredom eating, or just flat out being lazy. You eat and sit around and drink and sit around and eat and sit around and next thing you know, you are overweight. Then you go to the store and your normal pant size doesn't fit you, and the shirt size you normally get is unusually too tight. You take a hard look in the mirror and realize that you are wasting your time and your youth by being lazy and eating crap that isn't good for you. You decide to make a lifestyle change, eat better, work out and next thing you know, you are healthier and happier and have more energy than ever before.

It could be that you lost your job. You weren't necessarily in love with your job, but it paid the bills and you got by. But that job let you go, and you were left wondering what you were going to do next. Then the clouds part and and you land that interview with a company who has a culture that matches you perfectly. You start thriving at work and finding passion in it. If it wasn't for that old job letting you go, you wouldn't be as happy and wanting to go to work every day.

These are just some examples, each one of us have our own trials and low moments that differ in many ways, but the one thing we have in common is from the ashes we rise. We can be down, but we won't stay down forever, God brings us to that moment, that "Ah-Ha" so to speak, when we realize why whatever path we were taking wasn't the right one and we needed to go through what we did to see the change that needed to be made. He brings us a person, a sunset, a smile, a feeling that makes us go to the place we need to, to feel happy again, to feel motivated, to find passion, to be loved. 

Just because you might be going through a low moment right now, remember that low is preparing you for a high, just work your way through it, and your time will come!

9

Sometimes I wonder why I let myself get to where I was. 

I wonder why I let it be acceptable to just get by.

I wonder why I drank too much and ate too much crap.

I wonder why I couldn't get my stuff all together.

Slowly but surely I'm working through all my wonder and erasing the person that I was and being the person that I'm meant to be.

A happier version of me.

A healthier version of me.

A more confident version of me.

A more motivated version of me.

I saw this pin on pinterest and it was "How to be attractive in 9 easy steps"

1.Smile- usually I have no problem doing that, but more and more my smile seems to be brighter and much more genuine than ever before.

2.Smell nice or don't smell at all-this one is funny but oh so very true, so I took all the lotions that I never use and put those on every day with a squirt of my perfume for an additional good smelly touch.

3. Dress for style and respect, not attention- By working my internship and having to dress business casual every day I've found more respect in my appearance and I put for the effort in making sure that I do look good, and not over the top attention seeking.

4. Know what is going on in the world and have an opinion about it-This one is something I'm going to have to start putting in some effort and time into because I NEVER watch the news, but it would be a more grown up thing for me to do to actually know what is going on in our world.

5. Speak kindly of yourself and those around you- I had a break down moment a few weeks back where I spoke very negatively about myself and my body, it was a breaking moment for me and I turned that negativity into positivity and haven't looked back since, I now only say good things about myself and I am always kind to everyone and try not to talk bad about anyone.

6. Have three hobbies that don't involve a screen- this was also part of my wake up moment when I realized so much I do involves screens, so now my hobbies I decided take part in is running 5ks (I want to do 5 of them by this time next year...at least), Going to the gym and letting off all my frustrations and worries and truly clear my mind and lastly, my hobby is cooking, I'm trying to eat "Clean" and in doing so I need to start getting creative in what I make so cooking is going to be a new hobby of mine.

7. Get an education or save up for one- I already am on the final semester completing my Bachelor's Degree and I'm seriously considering attending grad school, maybe not any time soon, but it is a possibility in my future!

8. Make time for children, the elderly and those who need a friend-Being an aunt is one of the greatest things about my life, I love my nieces and nephews with all of my heart, and spending time with them is so fulfilling and warms my heart, also I am blessed to have 4 grandparents and getting to spend time with them is also very heart warming and fulfilling. And I am doing my best to lend a better ear and not give my 2 cents about everything someone comes to me with, but I want to be that person a stranger could feel like they could tell their problems to.

9. Always say thank you and return favors-fortunately this one is not so hard to accomplish, because its more of maintaining how I already am. My parents raised me in a home where we say please and thank you and always help those out who are in need and especially those who have helped us before.

--These nine steps opened up my eyes and not just that, its just where I'm at in this moment in my life I'm truly happy and honestly I've never felt better. The only way you can be the best version of yourself is to wake up every morning, be thankful to God and strive to do all you can do. Take care of yourself, love yourself and above all love God.

Never Had I Ever

Never had I ever planned on going to the University of Nevada, Reno.

Never had I ever thought I'd live in Tahoe.

Never had I ever thought I would go into the Human Resources field.

Never had I ever thought I could land an internship which involved all three of the things I've previously mentioned.

This summer I have been given an opportunity that is so rewarding. I am interning with a company who is globally respected and known and I get to learn more about the field of Human Resources while getting the last credits I need to graduate.

The plans I had would have never led me to think I would be where I am but that is what is so great about God. God knows His plan for each one of us and He brings us through experiences that don't make sense at the time and then end up leading us to a perfect fit.

I have had many different jobs, each of my jobs has benefited me in some way to work in Human Resources, I just never made the connection before.

I have taken so many college courses, but it wasn't until two of my final semesters that Human Resources had been brought up. And the courses I have taken although may not have directly been HR classes, they helped me learn more about communicating with people and about business.

I have always thought that Tahoe was a beautiful place, and had dreamt that I would live here one day when I was retired and had a whole bunch of money so I could afford to buy a place up here. I didn't think that I would be renting a small studio and be less than 10 minutes from the lake.

Trust in God's plan for you, because I never thought I would end up where I am, and honestly, I've never been happier.

Plan D

Plan A. How often in our lives do we actually get the thing we were planning on?

This weekend my best friend had planned for us to go to Chicago, we were going to watch Luke Bryan in the front row and explore the city. That was our Plan A.

Plan A was ruined because of the computer system overbooking the tickets to the concert and putting us many rows away from Luke so we had the option for Plan B, to sit in mediocre seats and explore the city.

Plan B didn't sound as good with all the money that was going to be spent and the experience not going to be the same so for my weekend I needed a Plan C.

Plan C was to take my best friend on a road trip to let our Chicago Blues get out of our heads and fill our hearts with happiness and adventure.That plan had to be changed because the staff at the hospital was short and my best friend got called into work. Completely understanding her situation I switched to plan D, to still go home any way and spend the weekend with family. 

This weekend with my family was so special to me. On Friday I woke up at my sister's house because my nephew had invited me to spend the night with him that previous night. I got to spend the morning with my nephew, niece and sister. I got to spend time with my other sister, and my niece and nephew at her house and then got to have lunch with both of my sisters together. I also got to see my grandma who has been in a rehabilitation facility for a long time while she tries to gain back her strength. While visiting I gave her pictures from my graduation and a thank you card and her reaction was so special and the moment we shared was priceless. I got to ride on fair rides that night with my nephews and see their faces light up and hear them laugh. I got to see my cousins and their friends who I haven't seen in so long. I got to see my aunt and uncle and my cousin and her boyfriend and spend some time with them catching up. I got to around the fair with just my parents and ride with them to and from the fair and share in some great conversation. I got to hold my beautiful nieces and see them smile and laugh as well. I also got to see my brother-in-laws and share time with them and my sisters at the fair that night. I went to bed that night feeling so blessed. The weekend continued to get better from that Friday, I got to spend the morning with my cousin, her boyfriend, and my grandma and then all afternoon with my dad. I then spent time with my parents watching a movie and eating dinner then spent the rest of the night with my best friend. Ending the night talking with my cousin who is in Spain. I ended this great family-filled weekend with spending father's day with my dad, mom, sisters, brother in laws and nieces and nephews. I also was excited because I got to see my aunt, uncle and cousins. On my way back up to Tahoe it just dawned on me that without fail, God always finds ways to bring me back.

He brings me back into perspective. He shows me that I'm not the one who is supposed to be making the plans, I'm supposed to be willing to open my heart and mind and listen to what He wants me to do. I'm sure if my best friend and I would have went to Chicago it would have been an unforgettable experience. But simply hanging out with her and my family this weekend was such a huge blessing and made me realize even more that the simple moments in life can be unforgettable and can be filled with beauty and happiness.

"Alive in the age of worry"

I don't know how I went so long without knowing about this song, but I think it was waiting for the perfect moment to let me find it. The song is "Age of Worry" by John Mayer. This is one of the most inspiring songs that I have ever heard especially for people in my age group. Here are the lyrics and of course, I'm going to do what I always do and analyze them :) Listen, Read, and Enjoy.

Close your eyes and clone yourself
Build your heart an army
To defend your innocence
While you do everything wrong

 This first part is so fitting in my life. In the past five years of my life I've been headed toward reaching the goal of graduation, and in this quest, I have stumbled, a lot. I have had my innocence used against me and have had to learn to build my heart an army. I love the line, "while you do everything wrong" because there are so many moments in the past five years when I've been so certain of myself, so certain that I was doing everything right in order to find out that I was doing everything wrong. Looking back I realize now that it is alright to do the wrong things, the best way to grow is to learn and try things out.

Don't be scared to walk alone
Don't be scared to like it
There's no time that you must be home
So sleep where darkness falls

 The past two years I've lived in Nevada and it has been an opportunity that has changed my life in so many ways. I love my family and friends back home more than I could have even imagined and being apart from them made me realize it, but it also made me happy I made the choice to come here because I got the opportunity to walk alone. To grow and learn and figure out who I am. In the past two years I have been blessed to have my cousins as roommates and friends by my side while I've been up here. I know it may seem crazy to some people that I've spent the past two years "alone" without a boyfriend, and honestly it did scare me being on my own, and I was scared that I would never find someone, or that I was never going to be with that one person to make me complete, but in my quest up here I realized, that is not what I needed, I needed to learn how to walk alone, and I learned that I like it. I've been getting so emotional lately with graduation approaching and summer school going to be ending in mid-June on campus and thinking that my time left in Nevada may be drawing near quickly. The line "there's no time that you must be home" really spoke to me, because I've always had these deadlines and checklists growing up and timelines, I don't have a time that I have to be back home, I know I want to go back home, and be with the people I love and cherish but leaving this life does tend to scare me too.

Alive in the age of worry
Smile in the age of worry
Go wild in the age of worry
And say, "Worry, why should I care?"

 These lines really stick out to me, "the age of worry" I can't stress it enough how much I know not only me, but people in my age range worry so much. I obviously know that as we will start our careers and families that the worry will not go away, and may grow in different ways, but right now in the age of worry, we are worried about if we will get a job when we graduate, if we will be able to meet the right person we want to spend the rest of our lives with, we worry about how we are going to pay off our student loans and how long it is doing to take us, we worry about money in general, we worry about midterms and finals, we worry about job interviews and finding the perfect company to work for. WE WORRY. I know I talk about not worrying a lot, but this is the age when we find ourselves doing it more and realizing it more and its the age when we realize how easy life was five years ago. I love that it says, to be alive, smile and go wild and say worry why should I care?

Know your fight is not with them
Yours is with your time here
Dream your dreams but don't pretend
Make friends with what you are In the past five years I have lost parts of me, and there have been moments when I've gotten so angry or hurt or wasted time thinking that the people who had "wronged" me were to blame with how I was, that I was the victim of their lies or cheating or whatever drama may have unfolded, but my fight was never with them. My fight was how to handle the situations I was placed in. I was pretending that I was a victim, I was helpless, I was letting my perspective on situations be clouded by feelings I had, I was letting people have control over the way I was feeling and not choosing my actions myself. There were times in the past five years when I felt on top of the world, times when I felt loved, times when I felt heartbroken, times when I felt worthless, times when I felt defeated, times when I felt angry, times when I felt beat down, you get the picture. It wasn't until this past year when I started becoming friends with myself and realizing that I can only control how I feel and react to situations and I can only control who I am as a person, and the person that I am, I need to be friends with.

Give your heart then change your mind
You're allowed to do it
'Cause God knows it's been done to you
And somehow you got through it This verse is golden. This verse can be used with about any person in my age group. It is okay to give your heart away, and in the past five years I have done that and I did also change my mind. In both of those times,  I was heartbroken, and although it hurt me, and I knew I was going to be hurting someone else, I knew that it was something I had to do. And somehow I got through it. I've learned that there can be good in goodbye, that there is light past the darkness and that the heartbreak won't last forever. Don't be afraid to change your mind, now is the time to do it. 

Alive in the age of worry

Rage in the age of worry
Sing out in the age of worry
And say, "Worry, why should I care?" As my college days are slipping away, I need to feel more alive, rage and sing out because my chapter will be closing quickly and before I know it college will be over. The past five years I've learned a lot and its crazy to think that what I've worked towards in obtaining my Bachelor's Degree is almost here. These years have flown by, and they aren't going to start going any slower, so why not be alive, rage, and sing out? Worry I don't care. And as the final lines of the song say "Worry, get out of here!"

Rage in the age of worry
Act your age in the age of worry
And say, "Worry, get out of here!"

Forget.

I saw this on Pinterest and thought, wow. This is such a powerful saying. Forgiveness is truly important to do. Like previous blogs, I've mentioned that holding on to the past and the people who hurt you only brews bitterness, but I never came up with these words and they are truly amazing. "Forget what hurt you but NEVER forget what it TAUGHT you."
Some of our best lessons in life are through our heartaches, pains and trials, and though those times when we've been broken down and torn apart, we get help from God and rise back up, grow a little bit stronger and a little bit wiser. Some of our greatest moments in our lives are the moments when we have that clarity that surfaces and makes us realize that all the hurt led us to where we are now. We must not forget about where we came from, and who we've grown into be, but our past doesn't define us. Just like whom ever hurt us doesn't define them. Forget the resentment toward them, but never forget what you learned from them and the experience.

This may be a simple and short blog entry, but I was inspired by the words in this quote and thought they spoke for themselves enough to not go into so much detail.

 So just remember, when you start thinking about your past, don't see it in a negative light, don't start getting upset or angry, be thankful for it. It taught you something valuable and made you into who you are.

Keep It To Yourself

Keep It To Yourself by Kacey Musgraves is a song that really made me think. Sometimes I think it is so easy to fall back on people you've been with in the past because they are familiar, because they know you, because they've seen your quirks are somehow still interested. When you are single, it is tempting to text, chat, call, or whatever form of communication via technology, because its easy. Being single does not mean that you should just settle for what you've had in the past. There is a reason that every person you dated is in your past, there at some point was a time when it did not work out, they hurt you, you hurt them, they ignored you, you ignored them, they cheated, you cheated, whatever the case may be, there was a reason why it ended. It is not fair that a person who you've previously dated suddenly gets bored, single or out of options and they contact you because you are single too. Just because you are single, doesn't mean you are available for them. You don't have to be the fall back person, you don't have to be the last resort, you don't have to be somebody's comfortable place to turn to, you are better than that. You are going to be somebody's safe haven, somebody's first choice, somebody's dream person. Don't sell yourself short, don't give into the late night temptations of texts and Facebook chats, keep it to yourself and if they turn to you, tell them to keep it to themselves. Kacey Musgraves really out did herself with this song...here are the perfect lyrics that you should turn to when faced with the situation that you are feeling you need a fall back or when someone is making you their fall back. 

"You turn on the light and you turn it back off, because sleeping alone just ain't what you thought, its the drip of the sink, its the click of the clock and you're wondering if I'm sleeping, you heard from your friends that I'm doing okay and your thinking that maybe you made a mistake, and you want me to know but I don't wanna know how you are feeling. Keep it to yourself, if you think that you still love me put it on a shelf, if you are looking for someone, make it someone else, when you're drunk and it's late and you're missing me like hell, keep it to yourself. If you see me out and I'm standing alone, well it don't mean that I am gonna need a ride home, if you walk up to me like it ain't what it is, well I know that it ain't gonna end with a kiss so keep it to yourself. If you think that you still love me, put it on a shelf. If you are looking for someone else, when your drunk, and it's late and you're missing me like hell. Just keep it to yourself. When you're drunk and it's late and you're sad and you hate going home alone because you are missing me like hell, keep it to yourself. Keep it to yourself."

Stay strong, you deserve better than to be somebody's last call.

Iron Sharpens Iron

"Iron sharpens iron, so a man sharpens the countenance of his friend"-Proverbs 27:17

Sometimes I think we get caught up in having a lot of friends to hang out with, that we forget to think about the quality of people we are surrounding ourselves with. It is not worth it to have a lot of friends so you can have options of people to hang out with when you are feeling lonely or bored. There is not a point to be around people who don't make you a better person. There is no point to be in a "friendship" with somebody who hurts you with their words, or constantly lies. Friendships that survive are friendships where each person can trust the other person, where lies don't have to be told to make themselves look better. Iron sharpens iron. Don't waste your time hanging out with people who don't make you be the best version of yourself. There are so many television shows and movies that show people being friends with bad people saying "they are okay once you get to know them" when in reality the friend they are describing is not a nice person, they just put up with it. I believe in kindness, I believe in forgiveness, I believe in helping out your fellow person. What I don't believe in is being in a friendship with somebody who doesn't make me feel good about myself, someone to who doesn't encourage me, support me in my failures and successes, or surrounding myself with someone who tears other people down or makes up lies about other people just to make themselves look better. I'd rather have a few good friends who help me be a better person, who pray for me, who remind me that kindness, honesty and truth matter. As sad as it may seem to end a friendship with somebody who you have fun times with, just ask yourself, does this person make me into a better person or hold me accountable to be a good person? If the answer is no, maybe you should rethink your friends. Good people are out there who are good friends, people who will love you and accept you and make you into a better person without you even realizing it. Iron sharpens iron...remember that.

Anxious.

Lately I have been feeling anxious. There are so many events and possibilities coming up that I am just left feeling anxious. I feel anxious about graduation and completing all of my classes to do so. I feel anxious about trips I have planned. I feel anxious about what job will become my career, and how soon after graduation will I be able to be employed full time. I am anxious about meeting some pretty important people who mean a lot to some of the people I hold closest. I am anxious about the future and what it holds. I am anxious about so many things I was getting so overwhelmed. I love going back home on weekends because not only do I get restored by seeing some of the people who love me most in this world, but I get to drive for about 4 hours home, and 4 hours back. In those 8 hours I do a lot of thinking. It is sometimes just me and the radio, and sometimes it is just me and the silence. Songs can trigger thoughts or the beauty surrounding me with the mountains or the fields on my drive. This past weekend I went home for Easter and was so thankful and blessed that I did. I also got to watch the Bible series on the History channel with my parents and it made me realize I need never to be on a break from reading the Bible. Each time I read a book, or a chapter or even a verse I have a different mind set and the words hit me differently. I was skimming through my Bible because I was feeling so anxious about the future and without fail one of my favorite books in the Bible helped me out with the right words I needed to hear. "Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be known by God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:6,7 In a way it actually makes me kind of sad to think about how much I let the pressures of the world and the constant need to know everything all the time get to me when I know that my faith will see me through anything and everything. I know that God has His perfect timing and that He and Jesus and the Holy Spirit are here for me always to pray to and trust in. I need to slow down and start enjoying the moments more and feeling anxious about the unknown less. Whatever happens is going to happen. All I can do is put my thanks and trust up to God and let Jesus take care of my heart and the worries that can fill it. The anxiousness I feel doesn't help me, it doesn't get me any where and it has no place in my life. I need to be better at letting go of the things I feel anxious of and put my trust into God.

Pieces of My Heart

Do you ever have a moment that you hear a song for the first time and it changes you, it speaks to you and you think I will always remember where I was the first tme I heard this song. It was one of the first warmer days of this year, warm enough where you can drive with the windows down and not be cold, and I was stuck in traffic, and got bored of whatever over played song was on the radio at the time so I changed stations. Gary Allan's voice came on and his upbeat melody with profound lyrics filled me with even more happiness than the sunshine through my rolled down windows. It was like I was hearing a song that I could have written from my heart and experiences. "I've been broken, torn and scattered, I've loved Holy I've loved sin, I was rollin' on the wind it didn't matter. I was so sure of who I didn't wanna be, every smile, every fear, every laughter, every tear it was all me, it was all me. Pieces of my heart, pieces of my soul, pieces that I'm gonna be I don't even know. I gave a lot to lovers, gave a lot to friends, everything I took from them, made me who I am, pieces. We've all been lied to, we've all been liars, nothing is perfect in this world, everybody has been burned by the fire. Guess I'm learning that what doesn't break you makes you grow. I'm not hiding where I've been gonna let the light shine in, what I don't need gonna let that go. Pieces of my heart pieces of my soul, pieces that I'm gonna be I don't even know. I gave a lot to lovers, gave a lot to friends, everything I took from them, made me who I am, pieces. The good and the bad, pieces, the happy and the sad, pieces, the wrong and the right, that's my life." The lyrics speak for themselves, we are all made up of pieces others gave to us, and others are made up by the pieces we gave to them.

The Impossible

Tonight I watched the movie "The Impossible" for the first time, and I came home with such a weight on my heart but also am overwhelmed with a feeling of love and inspiration. If you haven't seen the movie I suggest you watch it at least once, and I think I can only watch it the one time I did. If you are not sure what the movie is about, it's about a family of five, a mom, a dad and three sons. They go on vacation for Christmas to South East Asia and are right by the ocean when the record breaking tsunami hit. Their family got split up, the mom ended up finding her oldest son while they were both being swept away in the water and the dad found the two youngest sons both hanging onto trees. I won't tell you all the details about the movie but the fact that this movie is based on a true story about that event and the people the family came in contact with through their journey to be reunited was incredible. The kindness that people showed to absolute strangers, the feeling of togetherness with all the people who were in the hospitals or looking for loved ones. I can not even imagine the feelings and pain that those people went through who survived that terrible disaster, and who lost everything they loved most in life. It left my heart feeling heavy seeing in the movie the amount of dead bodies they had found, and the family members searching to find them. It left me feeling heavy because everyone that was involved in that tragedy will never be the same and although the story ended well and seemingly impossible for the one family I can't help but think of all the families that never found each other and never got to hug each other or kiss each other one last time. But in a strange was I was overwhelmed with love. The love that the family had for one and other was astonishing. There was a scene where the brothers all find each other again and I lost it. The moment was so touching to see the love that the brothers had for one another and it made me think about my sisters and our relationship and how thankful I am to have them in my life. It made me feel overwhelmingly inspired to see the way that people just tried to help each other. In a scene where the mom is in bad shape a village of ladies wipe her face with water and give her a clean shirt and in that moment to I lost it. It was so inspiring to see these people who have so little already, give to others without a second thought. There were many cases in the movie with people doing things for others even though their lives are also going haywire. It was so inspiring and uplifting to think of the genuine good and kindness that people have in their hearts. I'd like to think I'd be so strong and so helpful in that situation and so selfless. God bless all those people who lost their lives, helped saved lives, the survivors and the families of all the people who were in any way affected by this tragedy. I can't help but place all of you in my prayers and be thankful for the life that I am blessed to have. If you haven't watched this movie, I encourage you to do so, it is a movie that will make your eyes at least tear up a bit but worth it. Remember to be kind to one another and be helpful to those who need it. We are all human and we all can use a little help sometimes, it shouldnt take a tragedy to allow us to think about others and help out those in need, there are people everywhere around you that can use some form of help. Give it to them. In the end of our lives even if we have all the money on the world we can't take it with us when we go...And like I've quoted before..."it's not what you take when you leave this world behind you, it's what you leave behind you when you are gone."

Catch my Breath

Because today my Best Friend joins me in the wonderful age of 23 I was inspired to write about the song that we both agreed would be a great anthem to our year! We definitely used up Taylor Swift's song "22" as much as we possibly could before we both turned 23, and now we are on to a new song, a new anthem that describes exactly where we are...Kelly Clarkson's "Catch My Breath"

This is one of those songs that we heard and felt like she was singing the lyrics to our lives. And because I'm so analytical when it comes to song lyrics I wanted to go over the song (most of the lyrics) and why I love them so much.

 "I don't wanna be left behind
Distance was a friend of mine"
I feel like this song is one that describes our twenties to where we are now, because there were times in the first couple years when we had been hurt, hurt so badly that we didn't really open ourselves to anybody but each other. We both knew that we wanted to feel better, wanted to just be better and not sit on the sidelines.

"Catching breath in a web of lies"
When we would feel like we were making progress in our time trying to scrape out of the dark places we were in, there would be moments that would come up about times we'd be lied to and the truth came out, so just when we thought we were going to be on the way to getting better, we'd end up stepping back two of three steps.

"I've spent most of my life
Riding waves, playing acrobat
Shadowboxing the other half"
As we started growing up we started realizing that we ourselves were our own worst enemies, not the girls who talked bad about us, or the boys who broke our hearts. We were our own biggest critics, it was easy for each of us to tell the other person that they were too hard on themselves, but it was too hard to look in the mirror and do the same for ourselves.

"Catching my breath, letting it go, turning my cheek for the sake of the show"
The last part of that lyric about turning my cheek was one that we both were all too familiar with. We didn't fight back, we didn't speak up during certain times because we didn't want to cause a scene or we felt like we couldn't say the things we wanted to say.

"Now that you know, this is my life, I won't be told it's supposed to be right"
We took our lives back from all the things holding us back all the things that we thought we would do because they were the "right thing" we did them for the wrong reasons. We didn't do them for ourselves, we did them for others.

"Catch my breath, no one can hold me back, I ain't got time for that"
This last year especially we really started understanding who we were and realized that we didn't need to have a man in our lives to make us be the best version of ourselves. Our past wasn't defining us it was only shaping us and it would no longer stand in the way of our dreams.

 "it's all so simple now"
Probably the best lyric in this entire song, we OVER ANALYZED everything about our lives, (and yes I do realizing I am over analyzing this song) but what we did was plan and worry and stir around waiting for something to happen. Life is SIMPLE. There is no need to worry about all the stuff that may or may never happen, and it is simple because we have God that is here to help us every step of the way.

"Heavy heart, now a weightless cloud"
We both have never been in better places in our lives, we don't carry around the heartache and the pain that our hearts have been put through. We have allowed ourselves to just be HAPPY. Happy in where we are, we aren't making plans and we aren't talking about our past like we used to.

"Making time for the ones that count"
It has been said that when you are in your twenties it is the time when you need to be the most selfish, and both of us have relished in our selfish moments, and having those moments when we do indulge to make ourselves happy are important moments. But we also realized that the people surrounding us who are so loving and supportive are the ones that we need to be spending our time with. We don't need to be wasting it on people who don't want to make time to spend with us.

"Laughing hard with the windows down"
Laughing is one of our favorite things to do, and we need to do it more often, and Lauren is known to cry while she is doing it and those are the tears that we like to shed. Let the windows down, don't worry about your hair, don't worry about anything, just let the world in!

Keeping faith kinda comes around
Another lyric directly spoken to our hearts, there were moments when we lost our faith, there were moments when our relationship with God wasn't where it should be. We brought it back, keeping the faith that one day we would feel better, one day we would be happy EVERY day and truly be happy, one day we'd be back on the track we wanted to with God and trusting in His plans for us.

"You helped me see
The beauty in everything"
This line is how I feel about our friendship, both of us ended up on the same track of happy right around the same time and through that process we started counting our blessings and not our troubles and spending time talking about the things that made us happy in the day and not the things that made us sad. We talked it through and cried it through and laughed it through and now here we are, seeing the beauty in the world and loving life.

It is all so simple now. 23 will be our year to use this song to realize how far we've come and live in every moment to the fullest. To remind ourselves that there is beauty in the world and that we can let the windows down. We aren't burdened by our past we are stronger for it. We will no longer be the ones who get pushed over and have our kindness used against us. We will be the strong women of God who pursue the things in life that make Him happy and us happy. Because the rest of the garbage, "there ain't no time for that!"

Packing Suggestions.

You know when you are packing for a trip sometimes how it seems overwhelming? Like what if you are forgetting to bring something you might need? What if you think the weather is going to be hot the whole time and suddenly a cold front sweeps in and you have no warm clothes? What if you don't pack enough? What if you pack too much? And so on and so forth.

Turning 23 made me think a lot about packing for a trip. My trip is going to last a whole year, and it is going to be a trip that shapes me for the rest of my life. When I turned 23 I realized that I was over-thinking my packing, in the sense that I was worrying too much about relationships that I had with people and where they stood or doubts I had about where life was going to take me. I was thinking about so many random scenarios which may or may never happen to me. In all this over thinking while packing I realized that when you go on a trip, it doesn't matter if you left something behind, if you need it, you can always get it or someone can always help. 

I was starting to become oddly pessimistic last year and very negative which those were two things that were very unlike me. Why? That was the question I kept asking myself I have never been known to be pessimistic or negative, normally people say I'm overly optimistic and positive. I didn't like that part of me, I loved my life and 22 was nothing but good to me and yet still I had this sense of negativity that swooped in without me realizing it. 

Lucky for me I am a clever girl and I figured out that all that negative stuff was just baggage. Baggage I'd been carrying and I didn't even realize why I was. It was like packing a pair of flip flops and shorts when I'm going to the snow, why waste the suitcase space? Although they are all little items that can fit inside my suitcase and I can still have room to pack other things, those little things I'd be carrying with me were useless.

The little things that added up to my negativity and pessimism were all USELESS. What do those things matter anyway? Why should I let those things, whatever they may be, take up space in my suitcase when I could bring something else of value, or even better make room for new items. 

When we go on trips we end up inevitably bring back souvenirs or buy something we want to take back with us. With extra room in your suitcase you have room for those items. I've come a long way since I started my 20s but one thing I don't think I've been as good at is opening myself up to more opportunities. Opportunities are rare, just like certain items you might find along a trip, sometimes you think it would be easier and cheaper to just stick with what you have and not invest in something you don't already have. Not this year folks, and hopefully I won't be doing that again,  letting opportunities, people and moments pass me by that I should be holding on to.

The baggage of my past, in all its forms of doubts, insecurities, negativity and fear are going to do just that and stay in my past, I'd rather live my life being hopeful, confident, positive and faithful. Out with the bad on with the good. 

Don't let the baggage of your past, no matter what it may be get in the way of who you are meant to be and the happiness you can have. Get rid of whatever is holding you back and choose happiness.

23 for 23

I know that I have already listed my list of things to do in life, but while I was looking at my list, I realized that a lot of the things I put in it, I can't do until I have a lot of money, a passport, a boyfriend, husband, kids or grandkids. At this current moment in my life I don't have a passport, boyfriend, husband, kids or grandkids and I have money, but not a lot. So I decided to take the things off my list that I can do this year and get some things crossed off, and add things in too! So I'm going to share my 23 for 23 with you and I hope you all enjoy them and hold me accountable for them :) And hopefully we can share a few together!

1. Read the New Testament 

I've read the majority of the New Testament, but I have never read it from the beginning to the end consistently and I think that in doing so my relationship will only grow with God this year.

2. Sky Dive

The reason why I would love to do this is because I love a rush and I think after finishing school I will need to celebrate in a big way!

3. Put effort in my appearance every day before I leave the house

It may seem simple for some people, but for me this will be a task, putting in the time to make myself look better will in turn make me feel more confident where ever I go.

4. Make a pie

I have never done this, and I have always wanted to, all I have to do is dedicate some time out of one day of my 365 to complete this!

5. Have a dress up dinner for no reason

Who doesn't want to get all dolled up and have dinner? Its like going to formal, but not having the pressure of being in high school and worrying about what girl might be wearing the same dress as you.

6. Go to Apple Hill

I saw this place on the Sacramento news about four or five years ago and I have always wanted to and I realized, nothing is stopping me from going, but myself!

7. Go to a comedy show

I love to laugh, and I live in a college town where comedy shows happen often, and I won't be living here much longer and I might as well capitalize on it while I still can!

8. Ride a horse

Don't judge me for never riding a horse, I never have but always have wanted to, this will be my year!

9. Drive stick shift

I've never had to have to learn to drive stick shift, I'd like to take a day and at least try it out and see if there is any hope for me!

10. Go wine tasting

I am not a fan of wine, but I'd like to think that wine tasting will help me get over that :)

11. Watch a hockey game live

Why I've never done this before, I have no idea. I'd love to go watch a hockey game and see the action live and in person!

12. Go to Bass Pro Shop

I've been to Cabelas and never have been to Bass Pro Shop, how this has happened, I really can't tell you but I really want to go!

13. Watch every Rocky Movie

I'm not even a big fan of boxing, but everyone always talks about how legendary these movies are, I wanna see if they are worth the hype!

14. Make Rice Pudding with my Avo Velma and Tia Angie

Someone from the next generation needs to learn to make it, I'd love for that someone to be me!

15. Own a pair of red high heels

I can thank Kelli Pickler for this idea ;)

16. Walk across the Golden Gate Bridge

My best friend lived in the bay area for four years and we never did this together, looks like we are going to make it happen this year!

17. Get a facial

Because I will need to treat myself into doing something special just for me! :)

18. Lose 15 pounds

I've got to start somewhere with a weight loss goal, I'd really love a toned body so however many pounds I have to shed for that, let them go!

19. Eat hotwings at Hooters

I can thank Teri Clark for this idea ;)

20. Own all seasons of One Tree Hill

The only one I'm missing is 7!! And then my collection will be complete!

21. Take a kickboxing class

Because I want to kick ass.

22. Try all flavors at Baskin Robins

Because I have always wanted to but never made it happen, sounds like I will this year, won't help me with toning up my body, but it will make me happy!

23. Write 23 blogs this year

I get so inspired by so many things and I feel its important to share so I'd like to make it a point to write at least two a month :)

Here's the first of me being 23 :)

22-The Year Of Doing

I'd like to think that with every age, I do a little bit more growing, a little bit more learning. I heard someone say something to the extent, the more you learn, the more you realize you have a lot left to learn, this applies to me. The days leading up to my birthday I always take time to reflect, I've done it for as long as I can remember. Last year I wrote a blog about my 21 year and what I wanted to make 22, I said I wanted to have it be my year of doing and that I did. I did a lot of things that were fun and unimaginable and unexpected and it made life so much more thrilling. I said I wanted to kick-ass and I did that too! This year I cheated a bit on this reflection without even realizing it. I have this book its called a "Smash" book I found it at a scrapbook store and I've used it on my 22nd year to write down memories, things I'm thinking, favorites, put in pictures and ticket stubs. I wrote down a section called "What I'm learning along the way"

• What you do matters, and how you do it matters
• Today is a gift make the most of it.
• Stay true to yourself
• Tell those you love them before its too late
• Do what makes YOU happy
• Never underestimate the impact you've made on someone's life
• Trust in God always
• Don't worry about finding a husband...you are 22! (this one made me laugh re-reading it!)
• Don't worry...period. 
• Always be kind, you never know who someone is, and what they might be going through
• Distance doesn't come between relationships, if two people are meant to be in each other's lives...distance isn't an issue
• Offer your gifts God gave you to the world
• Feel confident in who you are in this moment. 
• Sometimes there is "good in goodbye"

I found these fitting since I've written blogs about most of these topics already.

It is crazy to think about how far I've come this past year, rereading my blogs, my "Smash" book, and just reflecting on the times I've had. There is a song by Lady Antebellum that is called "Home Is Where The Heart Is" and in this song she has a lyric that says "love is what I really left to find." When I hear that song I can't help but think that me moving away to college was not about finding love, it was about finding myself and falling in love with myself. Not to say that I've overcome every self conscious problem that I've ever had, but I am learning to fall in love with myself. Learning to love myself and how I look and who I am in this current moment. 

Later in my 21st year I struggled a lot with trying to find out who I was and struggled with the dark cloud over my head thinking that I was never good enough. Losing myself at that age made this age filled with lessons and obstacles to overcome. I let go of the devils that were haunting me and trying to get inside my head about how I was somehow not supposed to be happy. This age has been my happiest age yet. I have come so far in just being thankful for everything I do have.

 I have spent this entire year being single and as Kelly Clarkson perfectly sings "It doesn't mean I'm lonely when I'm alone" and that lyric I feel summarizes how I feel when people question me about why I didn't have a boyfriend at all this year. I needed this year to become the person I am for me. This was the first time in my life when I finally was on my own and didn't need to make myself into who a boy wanted me to be, I stopped letting boys define me and grew so much. 

I wrote a letter to God in early July that says "Some days are hard. I get discouraged about love and I'm only 22! Remind me on these days that I'm worthy of a man who loves you, honors you, and prays to you and who loves me, honors me and prays for me. A man who shines your light and reminds me to be a better person. Remind me that the man you are shaping is wanting me as much as I want him. Help me prepare myself for the love you have in store for me. A love that doesn't compare to yours, but a love that is as close as two souls can give to one another on earth." 

After writing that letter to God it really opened up my heart and He has really been working inside of me, more than I realize on a daily basis. He has helped me become more patient and in doing so I'm not trying to make someone "fit" into the man I need him to be for me and I'm not rushing into anything with anyone. Like I stated in the things I learned, I'm 22, soon to be 23, but even still at 23 there is no rush. I'm not sure for the plans that God has in store for me in this 23rd year, but I know that I trust in Him with all my heart and have the up most faith that He will take care of me and help me grow in my faith and my relationship with Him. 

And for a quote to start my 23rd year from my always trusty One Tree Hill, "It doesn't matter how you planned it. It doesn't matter how you envisioned it. Without even knowing it, sometimes life has a way of finding exactly what you need or exactly who you need."

Melodies Making Memories, Soundtrack 22

Being 22 has without a doubt, been the best age I've been yet! During this year I've had so many songs that could make the "soundtrack" to my 22nd year, but I am picking 22 of the top songs and thought I'd share them with all of you... (: Enjoy!

1. 22-Taylor Swift 

I'm pretty sure when Taylor Swift wrote this song, she was writing it about my 22nd year. Every single line in this song has been part of my year and I can directly relate to. So listen to the song and know what I have been up to this age:)

2. I Don't Wanna Be- Gavin Degraw

Anyone who knows me slightly, knows my obsession with the television show One Tree Hill. Appropriately I needed to have the theme song be on my soundtrack because this year One Tree Hill aired it's final season! Although I am extremely sad its over, I'm thankful for the incredible last season:)

3. Days Like These- Jason Aldean

This song didn't become my ringtone and Facebook album title for no reason, this song has been an anthem for me this year, its been my pregaming song, my road trip driving song, its even been on some of my night time playlists, I just love what this song is all about!

4. Faith To Fall Back On- Hunter Hayes

This has been such an inspirational song for me, when I would have a low day, or even when I needed a little pick me up, this song was a great reminder that I always have God and my faith.

5. Friends We Won't Forget- Lee Brice

My best friend made me a "Hometown Playlist" for when I started my Fall Semester this year, I had never heard this song before listening to that CD and the first time I heard it, it brought me to tears. Lauren has been that friend to me and a lot of these lyrics relate to the beginning of our friendship and have related to our  22nd year together!

6. I Don't Want This Night To End- Luke Bryan

I'm pretty sure I've listened to this song at least 100 times in my 22nd year, I fell more madly in love with Luke Bryan's music this year especially. I took Lauren to the Luke Bryan concert in Reno, and we did NOT want our night to end with him. This song is the song I'd blast from my speakers and every time I hear it, I still get my heart beating a little faster, because this song just has so many great memories behind it from the concert and all the days leading up to it, and its sung by my favorite artist!

7. Moves Like Jagger-Maroon 5

This summer I had the incredible opportunity to work the Maroon 5 pre-party at the Tahoe Celebrity Golf Tourney and got to watch Maroon 5 preform VIP Front ROW! Adam wore a white t-shirt and Levi jeans and made me melt! Hearing this song just reminds me of that night and it also deserves a place because I taught my two year old nephew, Daniel how to sing this song! :)

8. The War Is Over- Kelly Clarkson

This song is one of Kelly's best and one of my favorites from her album that came out this year. I burned this song multiple times for my girlfriends who had been wronged by the boys who did not deserve them and I like to help them turn to this song for encouragement! I also heard her sing it live at her concert in late March thanks to a special friend who got me tickets!

9. Wannabe- Spice Girls

On a Monday night in the summertime, my friend Gina and I decided we wanted to drink dollar pitchers of beer at a bar we had never been to, our friend Hillary joined us and we all had such a great time. We walked next door to a bar that had about 6 people inside of it and Gina and I sang this song together, and before we started I said "We are gonna spice up your life!" Every time that song comes on I think of the spontaneous night we had and how fun it was!

10. Call Me Maybe- Carly Rae Jepsen

Yes I know, the song was over played, which is EXACTLY why it made my list! It was so popular and so catchy I fell in love with it and it became the perfect song to sing on a night of drinking. Over the summer my friends sang this song almost every time we got together and Christmas break my friends and I had a nice belt out session in the car to it, which was a nice way to put the song to rest for my 22.

11. Somebody's Heartbreak- Hunter Hayes

That Hunter Hayes is a gift from God. I saw him FRONT Row thanks to my Grandma Judy and I stood the whole time and I will even admit I yelled "Be My Heartbreak Hunter!" He obviously didn't hear that with all the other screaming fans, but I did get him to wave to me during this song and that made me a total mess I was so gaga over him I couldn't believe it!

12. Thank God For Hometowns- Carrie Underwood

This song makes me cry almost every time I hear it because it hits me close to the heart. When I saw Carrie in concert FRONT ROW (Hunter was her opener) she sang this song and I cried. This song is everything that reminds me of home and when I am feeling lost and miss home, I listen to this song. This song also has a lyric "the first red light I roll the windows down, breathe it in and took a look around" and that is what I do almost every time I am driving back into Hilmar (even with the dairy smell, I miss it!).

13. Walking Away- Jason Aldean

Even though I didn't take his CD out of my car for a good three weeks after getting it, this song was the one that always stuck out to me and I belted out and turned up the loudest. I don't know what it is about this song, but I just love it so much! I loved about every other song on his CD but because this was the most repeated, this one makes the list!

14. Love in a College Town- Luke Bryan

"Lets take another shot, drink another round, hug on one another, talk about each other, stay until they kick us out" these lyrics especially describe my college friends and my nights at our favorite bar, THE WAL! We became quite the regulars this year :)

15. Cruise- Florida Georgia Line

I LOVE THIS SONG! I wish this song came on the radio sooner because every time it comes on I wanna roll my windows down and I can't because Reno is so darn cold! But this song is so fun to sing and has become one of my favorites and my most listened to!

16. Boyfriend- Justin Bieber

I know every single word to this song, proudly! I love Justin Bieber's new sound and I'm not afraid to admit it! I listened to this song and made my roommates listen to this song so many times, I made it excusable by saying it was "Bieber Friday" once again, I'm not afraid to admit it. :)

17. Hank It- Justin Moore

I was lucky enough to see Justin Moore TWO nights in a row, once opening for Luke Bryan and the next night at the Clovis Rodeo. This is one of my favorite Justin Moore songs because it is so fun to sing! Til My Last Day and In The Bed Of My Chevy were close contenders, but Hank It is so much more fun!

18. Put a Drink In My Hand- Eric Church

This was the first song that Mackenzie and I ever sang at The Wal's Tuesday Karaoke Night! And this song is also our anthem for how we are when we are at The Wal or just together in general. I'm thankful for her friendship and the fun times we've had together!

19. Come Over- Kenny Chesney

I couldn't have made my soundtrack to 22 and not put this song on there, because I RAVED about this song on Facebook at least four times, which is excessive for Facebook, especially since the same people read the posts on my page, I really enforced it! :) I just love Kenny's new sound and I thought the video was incredible!

20. Beer With Jesus- Thomas Rhett

I can remember the exact place I was driving when this song first came on the radio. I was just coming into Manteca on one of my trips back to Hilmar and I was listening to a local radio station and Luke Bryan "I Don't Want This Night To End" was playing and I felt so happy that one of my favorite songs was playing on my drive and as soon as it ended, this song started playing. I don't ever remember listening to lyrics as hard as I listened to these, this song really intrigued me and made me teary eyed. The part that always gets me is when it says "tell me how did you turn the other cheek to save a sorry soul like me?"

21. Good Girl- Carrie Underwood

This song is so fun to sing in my car with the volume on loud. There is no way my voice sounds anything like hers but this is such a fun song. I watched a Youtube video about her describing this song and she said "we either know this girl, or we are this girl" and I thought I couldn't have put it better myself! Such a great song!

22. Don't Have To Think Twice- Steve Moakler

I just stumbled upon this artist over Christmas Break and I fell in love with his music! This song especially is one of my favorites, its the perfect ending to the soundtrack of 22 because it is my hopeful song for 2013. I would quote every lyric if I didn't think that this post was already long enough. But if you get a chance, listen to this song, you won't regret you did! :)