Catch my Breath

Because today my Best Friend joins me in the wonderful age of 23 I was inspired to write about the song that we both agreed would be a great anthem to our year! We definitely used up Taylor Swift's song "22" as much as we possibly could before we both turned 23, and now we are on to a new song, a new anthem that describes exactly where we are...Kelly Clarkson's "Catch My Breath"

This is one of those songs that we heard and felt like she was singing the lyrics to our lives. And because I'm so analytical when it comes to song lyrics I wanted to go over the song (most of the lyrics) and why I love them so much.

 "I don't wanna be left behind
Distance was a friend of mine"
I feel like this song is one that describes our twenties to where we are now, because there were times in the first couple years when we had been hurt, hurt so badly that we didn't really open ourselves to anybody but each other. We both knew that we wanted to feel better, wanted to just be better and not sit on the sidelines.

"Catching breath in a web of lies"
When we would feel like we were making progress in our time trying to scrape out of the dark places we were in, there would be moments that would come up about times we'd be lied to and the truth came out, so just when we thought we were going to be on the way to getting better, we'd end up stepping back two of three steps.

"I've spent most of my life
Riding waves, playing acrobat
Shadowboxing the other half"
As we started growing up we started realizing that we ourselves were our own worst enemies, not the girls who talked bad about us, or the boys who broke our hearts. We were our own biggest critics, it was easy for each of us to tell the other person that they were too hard on themselves, but it was too hard to look in the mirror and do the same for ourselves.

"Catching my breath, letting it go, turning my cheek for the sake of the show"
The last part of that lyric about turning my cheek was one that we both were all too familiar with. We didn't fight back, we didn't speak up during certain times because we didn't want to cause a scene or we felt like we couldn't say the things we wanted to say.

"Now that you know, this is my life, I won't be told it's supposed to be right"
We took our lives back from all the things holding us back all the things that we thought we would do because they were the "right thing" we did them for the wrong reasons. We didn't do them for ourselves, we did them for others.

"Catch my breath, no one can hold me back, I ain't got time for that"
This last year especially we really started understanding who we were and realized that we didn't need to have a man in our lives to make us be the best version of ourselves. Our past wasn't defining us it was only shaping us and it would no longer stand in the way of our dreams.

 "it's all so simple now"
Probably the best lyric in this entire song, we OVER ANALYZED everything about our lives, (and yes I do realizing I am over analyzing this song) but what we did was plan and worry and stir around waiting for something to happen. Life is SIMPLE. There is no need to worry about all the stuff that may or may never happen, and it is simple because we have God that is here to help us every step of the way.

"Heavy heart, now a weightless cloud"
We both have never been in better places in our lives, we don't carry around the heartache and the pain that our hearts have been put through. We have allowed ourselves to just be HAPPY. Happy in where we are, we aren't making plans and we aren't talking about our past like we used to.

"Making time for the ones that count"
It has been said that when you are in your twenties it is the time when you need to be the most selfish, and both of us have relished in our selfish moments, and having those moments when we do indulge to make ourselves happy are important moments. But we also realized that the people surrounding us who are so loving and supportive are the ones that we need to be spending our time with. We don't need to be wasting it on people who don't want to make time to spend with us.

"Laughing hard with the windows down"
Laughing is one of our favorite things to do, and we need to do it more often, and Lauren is known to cry while she is doing it and those are the tears that we like to shed. Let the windows down, don't worry about your hair, don't worry about anything, just let the world in!

Keeping faith kinda comes around
Another lyric directly spoken to our hearts, there were moments when we lost our faith, there were moments when our relationship with God wasn't where it should be. We brought it back, keeping the faith that one day we would feel better, one day we would be happy EVERY day and truly be happy, one day we'd be back on the track we wanted to with God and trusting in His plans for us.

"You helped me see
The beauty in everything"
This line is how I feel about our friendship, both of us ended up on the same track of happy right around the same time and through that process we started counting our blessings and not our troubles and spending time talking about the things that made us happy in the day and not the things that made us sad. We talked it through and cried it through and laughed it through and now here we are, seeing the beauty in the world and loving life.

It is all so simple now. 23 will be our year to use this song to realize how far we've come and live in every moment to the fullest. To remind ourselves that there is beauty in the world and that we can let the windows down. We aren't burdened by our past we are stronger for it. We will no longer be the ones who get pushed over and have our kindness used against us. We will be the strong women of God who pursue the things in life that make Him happy and us happy. Because the rest of the garbage, "there ain't no time for that!"

Packing Suggestions.

You know when you are packing for a trip sometimes how it seems overwhelming? Like what if you are forgetting to bring something you might need? What if you think the weather is going to be hot the whole time and suddenly a cold front sweeps in and you have no warm clothes? What if you don't pack enough? What if you pack too much? And so on and so forth.

Turning 23 made me think a lot about packing for a trip. My trip is going to last a whole year, and it is going to be a trip that shapes me for the rest of my life. When I turned 23 I realized that I was over-thinking my packing, in the sense that I was worrying too much about relationships that I had with people and where they stood or doubts I had about where life was going to take me. I was thinking about so many random scenarios which may or may never happen to me. In all this over thinking while packing I realized that when you go on a trip, it doesn't matter if you left something behind, if you need it, you can always get it or someone can always help. 

I was starting to become oddly pessimistic last year and very negative which those were two things that were very unlike me. Why? That was the question I kept asking myself I have never been known to be pessimistic or negative, normally people say I'm overly optimistic and positive. I didn't like that part of me, I loved my life and 22 was nothing but good to me and yet still I had this sense of negativity that swooped in without me realizing it. 

Lucky for me I am a clever girl and I figured out that all that negative stuff was just baggage. Baggage I'd been carrying and I didn't even realize why I was. It was like packing a pair of flip flops and shorts when I'm going to the snow, why waste the suitcase space? Although they are all little items that can fit inside my suitcase and I can still have room to pack other things, those little things I'd be carrying with me were useless.

The little things that added up to my negativity and pessimism were all USELESS. What do those things matter anyway? Why should I let those things, whatever they may be, take up space in my suitcase when I could bring something else of value, or even better make room for new items. 

When we go on trips we end up inevitably bring back souvenirs or buy something we want to take back with us. With extra room in your suitcase you have room for those items. I've come a long way since I started my 20s but one thing I don't think I've been as good at is opening myself up to more opportunities. Opportunities are rare, just like certain items you might find along a trip, sometimes you think it would be easier and cheaper to just stick with what you have and not invest in something you don't already have. Not this year folks, and hopefully I won't be doing that again,  letting opportunities, people and moments pass me by that I should be holding on to.

The baggage of my past, in all its forms of doubts, insecurities, negativity and fear are going to do just that and stay in my past, I'd rather live my life being hopeful, confident, positive and faithful. Out with the bad on with the good. 

Don't let the baggage of your past, no matter what it may be get in the way of who you are meant to be and the happiness you can have. Get rid of whatever is holding you back and choose happiness.

23 for 23

I know that I have already listed my list of things to do in life, but while I was looking at my list, I realized that a lot of the things I put in it, I can't do until I have a lot of money, a passport, a boyfriend, husband, kids or grandkids. At this current moment in my life I don't have a passport, boyfriend, husband, kids or grandkids and I have money, but not a lot. So I decided to take the things off my list that I can do this year and get some things crossed off, and add things in too! So I'm going to share my 23 for 23 with you and I hope you all enjoy them and hold me accountable for them :) And hopefully we can share a few together!

1. Read the New Testament 

I've read the majority of the New Testament, but I have never read it from the beginning to the end consistently and I think that in doing so my relationship will only grow with God this year.

2. Sky Dive

The reason why I would love to do this is because I love a rush and I think after finishing school I will need to celebrate in a big way!

3. Put effort in my appearance every day before I leave the house

It may seem simple for some people, but for me this will be a task, putting in the time to make myself look better will in turn make me feel more confident where ever I go.

4. Make a pie

I have never done this, and I have always wanted to, all I have to do is dedicate some time out of one day of my 365 to complete this!

5. Have a dress up dinner for no reason

Who doesn't want to get all dolled up and have dinner? Its like going to formal, but not having the pressure of being in high school and worrying about what girl might be wearing the same dress as you.

6. Go to Apple Hill

I saw this place on the Sacramento news about four or five years ago and I have always wanted to and I realized, nothing is stopping me from going, but myself!

7. Go to a comedy show

I love to laugh, and I live in a college town where comedy shows happen often, and I won't be living here much longer and I might as well capitalize on it while I still can!

8. Ride a horse

Don't judge me for never riding a horse, I never have but always have wanted to, this will be my year!

9. Drive stick shift

I've never had to have to learn to drive stick shift, I'd like to take a day and at least try it out and see if there is any hope for me!

10. Go wine tasting

I am not a fan of wine, but I'd like to think that wine tasting will help me get over that :)

11. Watch a hockey game live

Why I've never done this before, I have no idea. I'd love to go watch a hockey game and see the action live and in person!

12. Go to Bass Pro Shop

I've been to Cabelas and never have been to Bass Pro Shop, how this has happened, I really can't tell you but I really want to go!

13. Watch every Rocky Movie

I'm not even a big fan of boxing, but everyone always talks about how legendary these movies are, I wanna see if they are worth the hype!

14. Make Rice Pudding with my Avo Velma and Tia Angie

Someone from the next generation needs to learn to make it, I'd love for that someone to be me!

15. Own a pair of red high heels

I can thank Kelli Pickler for this idea ;)

16. Walk across the Golden Gate Bridge

My best friend lived in the bay area for four years and we never did this together, looks like we are going to make it happen this year!

17. Get a facial

Because I will need to treat myself into doing something special just for me! :)

18. Lose 15 pounds

I've got to start somewhere with a weight loss goal, I'd really love a toned body so however many pounds I have to shed for that, let them go!

19. Eat hotwings at Hooters

I can thank Teri Clark for this idea ;)

20. Own all seasons of One Tree Hill

The only one I'm missing is 7!! And then my collection will be complete!

21. Take a kickboxing class

Because I want to kick ass.

22. Try all flavors at Baskin Robins

Because I have always wanted to but never made it happen, sounds like I will this year, won't help me with toning up my body, but it will make me happy!

23. Write 23 blogs this year

I get so inspired by so many things and I feel its important to share so I'd like to make it a point to write at least two a month :)

Here's the first of me being 23 :)

22-The Year Of Doing

I'd like to think that with every age, I do a little bit more growing, a little bit more learning. I heard someone say something to the extent, the more you learn, the more you realize you have a lot left to learn, this applies to me. The days leading up to my birthday I always take time to reflect, I've done it for as long as I can remember. Last year I wrote a blog about my 21 year and what I wanted to make 22, I said I wanted to have it be my year of doing and that I did. I did a lot of things that were fun and unimaginable and unexpected and it made life so much more thrilling. I said I wanted to kick-ass and I did that too! This year I cheated a bit on this reflection without even realizing it. I have this book its called a "Smash" book I found it at a scrapbook store and I've used it on my 22nd year to write down memories, things I'm thinking, favorites, put in pictures and ticket stubs. I wrote down a section called "What I'm learning along the way"

• What you do matters, and how you do it matters
• Today is a gift make the most of it.
• Stay true to yourself
• Tell those you love them before its too late
• Do what makes YOU happy
• Never underestimate the impact you've made on someone's life
• Trust in God always
• Don't worry about finding a husband...you are 22! (this one made me laugh re-reading it!)
• Don't worry...period. 
• Always be kind, you never know who someone is, and what they might be going through
• Distance doesn't come between relationships, if two people are meant to be in each other's lives...distance isn't an issue
• Offer your gifts God gave you to the world
• Feel confident in who you are in this moment. 
• Sometimes there is "good in goodbye"

I found these fitting since I've written blogs about most of these topics already.

It is crazy to think about how far I've come this past year, rereading my blogs, my "Smash" book, and just reflecting on the times I've had. There is a song by Lady Antebellum that is called "Home Is Where The Heart Is" and in this song she has a lyric that says "love is what I really left to find." When I hear that song I can't help but think that me moving away to college was not about finding love, it was about finding myself and falling in love with myself. Not to say that I've overcome every self conscious problem that I've ever had, but I am learning to fall in love with myself. Learning to love myself and how I look and who I am in this current moment. 

Later in my 21st year I struggled a lot with trying to find out who I was and struggled with the dark cloud over my head thinking that I was never good enough. Losing myself at that age made this age filled with lessons and obstacles to overcome. I let go of the devils that were haunting me and trying to get inside my head about how I was somehow not supposed to be happy. This age has been my happiest age yet. I have come so far in just being thankful for everything I do have.

 I have spent this entire year being single and as Kelly Clarkson perfectly sings "It doesn't mean I'm lonely when I'm alone" and that lyric I feel summarizes how I feel when people question me about why I didn't have a boyfriend at all this year. I needed this year to become the person I am for me. This was the first time in my life when I finally was on my own and didn't need to make myself into who a boy wanted me to be, I stopped letting boys define me and grew so much. 

I wrote a letter to God in early July that says "Some days are hard. I get discouraged about love and I'm only 22! Remind me on these days that I'm worthy of a man who loves you, honors you, and prays to you and who loves me, honors me and prays for me. A man who shines your light and reminds me to be a better person. Remind me that the man you are shaping is wanting me as much as I want him. Help me prepare myself for the love you have in store for me. A love that doesn't compare to yours, but a love that is as close as two souls can give to one another on earth." 

After writing that letter to God it really opened up my heart and He has really been working inside of me, more than I realize on a daily basis. He has helped me become more patient and in doing so I'm not trying to make someone "fit" into the man I need him to be for me and I'm not rushing into anything with anyone. Like I stated in the things I learned, I'm 22, soon to be 23, but even still at 23 there is no rush. I'm not sure for the plans that God has in store for me in this 23rd year, but I know that I trust in Him with all my heart and have the up most faith that He will take care of me and help me grow in my faith and my relationship with Him. 

And for a quote to start my 23rd year from my always trusty One Tree Hill, "It doesn't matter how you planned it. It doesn't matter how you envisioned it. Without even knowing it, sometimes life has a way of finding exactly what you need or exactly who you need."

Melodies Making Memories, Soundtrack 22

Being 22 has without a doubt, been the best age I've been yet! During this year I've had so many songs that could make the "soundtrack" to my 22nd year, but I am picking 22 of the top songs and thought I'd share them with all of you... (: Enjoy!

1. 22-Taylor Swift 

I'm pretty sure when Taylor Swift wrote this song, she was writing it about my 22nd year. Every single line in this song has been part of my year and I can directly relate to. So listen to the song and know what I have been up to this age:)

2. I Don't Wanna Be- Gavin Degraw

Anyone who knows me slightly, knows my obsession with the television show One Tree Hill. Appropriately I needed to have the theme song be on my soundtrack because this year One Tree Hill aired it's final season! Although I am extremely sad its over, I'm thankful for the incredible last season:)

3. Days Like These- Jason Aldean

This song didn't become my ringtone and Facebook album title for no reason, this song has been an anthem for me this year, its been my pregaming song, my road trip driving song, its even been on some of my night time playlists, I just love what this song is all about!

4. Faith To Fall Back On- Hunter Hayes

This has been such an inspirational song for me, when I would have a low day, or even when I needed a little pick me up, this song was a great reminder that I always have God and my faith.

5. Friends We Won't Forget- Lee Brice

My best friend made me a "Hometown Playlist" for when I started my Fall Semester this year, I had never heard this song before listening to that CD and the first time I heard it, it brought me to tears. Lauren has been that friend to me and a lot of these lyrics relate to the beginning of our friendship and have related to our  22nd year together!

6. I Don't Want This Night To End- Luke Bryan

I'm pretty sure I've listened to this song at least 100 times in my 22nd year, I fell more madly in love with Luke Bryan's music this year especially. I took Lauren to the Luke Bryan concert in Reno, and we did NOT want our night to end with him. This song is the song I'd blast from my speakers and every time I hear it, I still get my heart beating a little faster, because this song just has so many great memories behind it from the concert and all the days leading up to it, and its sung by my favorite artist!

7. Moves Like Jagger-Maroon 5

This summer I had the incredible opportunity to work the Maroon 5 pre-party at the Tahoe Celebrity Golf Tourney and got to watch Maroon 5 preform VIP Front ROW! Adam wore a white t-shirt and Levi jeans and made me melt! Hearing this song just reminds me of that night and it also deserves a place because I taught my two year old nephew, Daniel how to sing this song! :)

8. The War Is Over- Kelly Clarkson

This song is one of Kelly's best and one of my favorites from her album that came out this year. I burned this song multiple times for my girlfriends who had been wronged by the boys who did not deserve them and I like to help them turn to this song for encouragement! I also heard her sing it live at her concert in late March thanks to a special friend who got me tickets!

9. Wannabe- Spice Girls

On a Monday night in the summertime, my friend Gina and I decided we wanted to drink dollar pitchers of beer at a bar we had never been to, our friend Hillary joined us and we all had such a great time. We walked next door to a bar that had about 6 people inside of it and Gina and I sang this song together, and before we started I said "We are gonna spice up your life!" Every time that song comes on I think of the spontaneous night we had and how fun it was!

10. Call Me Maybe- Carly Rae Jepsen

Yes I know, the song was over played, which is EXACTLY why it made my list! It was so popular and so catchy I fell in love with it and it became the perfect song to sing on a night of drinking. Over the summer my friends sang this song almost every time we got together and Christmas break my friends and I had a nice belt out session in the car to it, which was a nice way to put the song to rest for my 22.

11. Somebody's Heartbreak- Hunter Hayes

That Hunter Hayes is a gift from God. I saw him FRONT Row thanks to my Grandma Judy and I stood the whole time and I will even admit I yelled "Be My Heartbreak Hunter!" He obviously didn't hear that with all the other screaming fans, but I did get him to wave to me during this song and that made me a total mess I was so gaga over him I couldn't believe it!

12. Thank God For Hometowns- Carrie Underwood

This song makes me cry almost every time I hear it because it hits me close to the heart. When I saw Carrie in concert FRONT ROW (Hunter was her opener) she sang this song and I cried. This song is everything that reminds me of home and when I am feeling lost and miss home, I listen to this song. This song also has a lyric "the first red light I roll the windows down, breathe it in and took a look around" and that is what I do almost every time I am driving back into Hilmar (even with the dairy smell, I miss it!).

13. Walking Away- Jason Aldean

Even though I didn't take his CD out of my car for a good three weeks after getting it, this song was the one that always stuck out to me and I belted out and turned up the loudest. I don't know what it is about this song, but I just love it so much! I loved about every other song on his CD but because this was the most repeated, this one makes the list!

14. Love in a College Town- Luke Bryan

"Lets take another shot, drink another round, hug on one another, talk about each other, stay until they kick us out" these lyrics especially describe my college friends and my nights at our favorite bar, THE WAL! We became quite the regulars this year :)

15. Cruise- Florida Georgia Line

I LOVE THIS SONG! I wish this song came on the radio sooner because every time it comes on I wanna roll my windows down and I can't because Reno is so darn cold! But this song is so fun to sing and has become one of my favorites and my most listened to!

16. Boyfriend- Justin Bieber

I know every single word to this song, proudly! I love Justin Bieber's new sound and I'm not afraid to admit it! I listened to this song and made my roommates listen to this song so many times, I made it excusable by saying it was "Bieber Friday" once again, I'm not afraid to admit it. :)

17. Hank It- Justin Moore

I was lucky enough to see Justin Moore TWO nights in a row, once opening for Luke Bryan and the next night at the Clovis Rodeo. This is one of my favorite Justin Moore songs because it is so fun to sing! Til My Last Day and In The Bed Of My Chevy were close contenders, but Hank It is so much more fun!

18. Put a Drink In My Hand- Eric Church

This was the first song that Mackenzie and I ever sang at The Wal's Tuesday Karaoke Night! And this song is also our anthem for how we are when we are at The Wal or just together in general. I'm thankful for her friendship and the fun times we've had together!

19. Come Over- Kenny Chesney

I couldn't have made my soundtrack to 22 and not put this song on there, because I RAVED about this song on Facebook at least four times, which is excessive for Facebook, especially since the same people read the posts on my page, I really enforced it! :) I just love Kenny's new sound and I thought the video was incredible!

20. Beer With Jesus- Thomas Rhett

I can remember the exact place I was driving when this song first came on the radio. I was just coming into Manteca on one of my trips back to Hilmar and I was listening to a local radio station and Luke Bryan "I Don't Want This Night To End" was playing and I felt so happy that one of my favorite songs was playing on my drive and as soon as it ended, this song started playing. I don't ever remember listening to lyrics as hard as I listened to these, this song really intrigued me and made me teary eyed. The part that always gets me is when it says "tell me how did you turn the other cheek to save a sorry soul like me?"

21. Good Girl- Carrie Underwood

This song is so fun to sing in my car with the volume on loud. There is no way my voice sounds anything like hers but this is such a fun song. I watched a Youtube video about her describing this song and she said "we either know this girl, or we are this girl" and I thought I couldn't have put it better myself! Such a great song!

22. Don't Have To Think Twice- Steve Moakler

I just stumbled upon this artist over Christmas Break and I fell in love with his music! This song especially is one of my favorites, its the perfect ending to the soundtrack of 22 because it is my hopeful song for 2013. I would quote every lyric if I didn't think that this post was already long enough. But if you get a chance, listen to this song, you won't regret you did! :)