22-The Year Of Doing

I'd like to think that with every age, I do a little bit more growing, a little bit more learning. I heard someone say something to the extent, the more you learn, the more you realize you have a lot left to learn, this applies to me. The days leading up to my birthday I always take time to reflect, I've done it for as long as I can remember. Last year I wrote a blog about my 21 year and what I wanted to make 22, I said I wanted to have it be my year of doing and that I did. I did a lot of things that were fun and unimaginable and unexpected and it made life so much more thrilling. I said I wanted to kick-ass and I did that too! This year I cheated a bit on this reflection without even realizing it. I have this book its called a "Smash" book I found it at a scrapbook store and I've used it on my 22nd year to write down memories, things I'm thinking, favorites, put in pictures and ticket stubs. I wrote down a section called "What I'm learning along the way"

• What you do matters, and how you do it matters
• Today is a gift make the most of it.
• Stay true to yourself
• Tell those you love them before its too late
• Do what makes YOU happy
• Never underestimate the impact you've made on someone's life
• Trust in God always
• Don't worry about finding a husband...you are 22! (this one made me laugh re-reading it!)
• Don't worry...period. 
• Always be kind, you never know who someone is, and what they might be going through
• Distance doesn't come between relationships, if two people are meant to be in each other's lives...distance isn't an issue
• Offer your gifts God gave you to the world
• Feel confident in who you are in this moment. 
• Sometimes there is "good in goodbye"

I found these fitting since I've written blogs about most of these topics already.

It is crazy to think about how far I've come this past year, rereading my blogs, my "Smash" book, and just reflecting on the times I've had. There is a song by Lady Antebellum that is called "Home Is Where The Heart Is" and in this song she has a lyric that says "love is what I really left to find." When I hear that song I can't help but think that me moving away to college was not about finding love, it was about finding myself and falling in love with myself. Not to say that I've overcome every self conscious problem that I've ever had, but I am learning to fall in love with myself. Learning to love myself and how I look and who I am in this current moment. 

Later in my 21st year I struggled a lot with trying to find out who I was and struggled with the dark cloud over my head thinking that I was never good enough. Losing myself at that age made this age filled with lessons and obstacles to overcome. I let go of the devils that were haunting me and trying to get inside my head about how I was somehow not supposed to be happy. This age has been my happiest age yet. I have come so far in just being thankful for everything I do have.

 I have spent this entire year being single and as Kelly Clarkson perfectly sings "It doesn't mean I'm lonely when I'm alone" and that lyric I feel summarizes how I feel when people question me about why I didn't have a boyfriend at all this year. I needed this year to become the person I am for me. This was the first time in my life when I finally was on my own and didn't need to make myself into who a boy wanted me to be, I stopped letting boys define me and grew so much. 

I wrote a letter to God in early July that says "Some days are hard. I get discouraged about love and I'm only 22! Remind me on these days that I'm worthy of a man who loves you, honors you, and prays to you and who loves me, honors me and prays for me. A man who shines your light and reminds me to be a better person. Remind me that the man you are shaping is wanting me as much as I want him. Help me prepare myself for the love you have in store for me. A love that doesn't compare to yours, but a love that is as close as two souls can give to one another on earth." 

After writing that letter to God it really opened up my heart and He has really been working inside of me, more than I realize on a daily basis. He has helped me become more patient and in doing so I'm not trying to make someone "fit" into the man I need him to be for me and I'm not rushing into anything with anyone. Like I stated in the things I learned, I'm 22, soon to be 23, but even still at 23 there is no rush. I'm not sure for the plans that God has in store for me in this 23rd year, but I know that I trust in Him with all my heart and have the up most faith that He will take care of me and help me grow in my faith and my relationship with Him. 

And for a quote to start my 23rd year from my always trusty One Tree Hill, "It doesn't matter how you planned it. It doesn't matter how you envisioned it. Without even knowing it, sometimes life has a way of finding exactly what you need or exactly who you need."