Last week, I lost one of the most important people in my life, my Avo Velma. So today, I won't be able to give her a hug, I won't be able to say "Happy Birthday, I love you" and hear her say "Thank you I love you too" I won't be able to see that priceless smile or hear that giggle she gets. I will just have my memories to hold on to.
She has been the hardest goodbye I have ever had to say. I've lost many loved ones before, all of whom are so very close to my heart, but there was that something special that I shared with my Avo Velma. She even told me once that I was the most like her out of my sisters and cousin. To me hearing I am like my Avo is one big compliment. My Avo was sunshine, she was a smile on a bad day, a safe place to go, a trusting heart in the Lord, a spiritual person and truly one of the kindest souls I've ever known. I never heard my Avo say that she hated anyone, she just simply, loved.
She loved people past second, third, and twentieth chances, she was a forgiving soul and a kind soul. She was truly a woman of God. She lived her life joyfully serving the Lord and I know that He was proud of the work she did because I'm proud to say I'm her grandchild.
I do not regret one second, one visit, one car ride I've ever had with my Avo Velma, every time was so special and was cherished. I can look back and be happy with the memories that I do have with her because I know that I put in the time and effort that I wanted to, to make my Avo know how much she means to me and how much I love her and she did the same.
If I am blessed enough to live almost 83 years, I would love to be like her and shining God's light til the very end, even with medical conditions being a damper...but if I do live to be 83 years old I can't imagine not having my Avo in my life for 60 years.
To think of it like that hurts, a lot. But I find comfort in knowing that when God does call me up, I will get to spend eternity with my loving Avo Velma, and the rest of my amazing Grandparents, family members and friends who have waited for me to join them. I know I will see her again, but it doesn't necessarily help the pain now.
I was asked at her funeral, "why are you crying she is in a much better place than we are" and I said, "I'm not crying for her, I'm crying for me" she impacted my life in so many ways and to have her physically not here with me, it is rough.
But I know that she will not let me feel alone, I know that when the sun is beaming on my skin, that's her warmth surrounding me, when the song "compass" plays on the radio its her reminding me I'm not alone, I know that when I hit a red light, that's her reminding me of the times God gave me a few extra minutes with her on our trips back and forth to TNRC, I know that she will be with me on my wedding day, and the births of my children, and all the highs and lows throughout my life, although I won't be able to see her, I will be able to feel her.
I miss you Avo Velma, and like the song compass says "We're really not that far apart"
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